the sun and her flowers

the date was simple, nothing extravagant, not at all how felicity had imagined her first date to go. it wasn’t that it was bad, it was just that it wasn’t good.

“how was the date, fellie?” her mother asked, excited to hear all about it.

“it was fine ...” the princess would murmur, before dragging herself up to her bedroom.

“how was the date, princess?” baileywick would ask, about an hour later, after being sent up to the small girl’s room by sofia.

“it was fine ...” the princess would repeat, in the same, murmured voice.

“how was the date, little felicity?” her uncle james would ask, at around ten o’clock at night, after having a long discussion with sofia and baileywick.

“it was fine ...” the princess would repeat, once again; this time, her voice muffled by her hiding her face in a pillow.

“how was the date, fel?” serendipity would ask the sad girl, once everyone else in the castle had gone to sleep.

“it was fine ...”

that was the only answer that she would give. she proceeded to go on dates with this very same boy.

the questions, the observations --- they started out simple.

“fellie, why are your eyes red?”

“oh, i watched a sad movie.”

“fellie, how did you get that bruise?”

“oh, i ran into my desk at school.”

“fellie, did you run into your desk again?”

“... yeah, i guess i did.”

then, the questions, the observations --- they became more serious.

“felicity, why are you never home anymore?”

“i was with my boyfriend.”

“felicity, does your boyfriend love you?”

“i’d like to think so.”

“felicity, does your boyfriend hurt you?”

“... no.”

she knew the correct answers to all of these questions, of course; she chose not to share them, though.

it got to the point that she stopped showing up to school. she stopped attending royal events. she stopped attending family dinners. she stopped speaking to anyone who wasn’t him.

“baby, i’m sorry. for the bruises, for all of it --- forgive me?”

he requested; she did.

“baby, don’t leave me. i’m more important than school, aren’t i? stay with me?”

he requested; she did.

“baby, don’t go. the royal ball will go on with out you --- sit down.”

he demanded; she did.

“baby, have didn’t with me instead.”

he demanded; she did.

“don’t speak to them, anymore, or i swear to god ---”

he threatened; she didn’t.

she spoke to nobody but him for months.

“i don’t think i want to do this anymore,” the small princess sputtered out, feeling afraid.

that day marked one year since the two had gone on their first date.

“... you want me to ask for forgiveness again?” he laughed, an incredulous smile adorning his lips. “like ... you’re telling me my love isn’t enough for you? isn’t right for you? come on, felicity. i say you’re being ridiculous."

“i don’t ... want you to ask for forgiveness, i just --- i-i wanna believe what i heard somewhere, a long time ago, that ... that love is free. --- and kind! and --- and you always try to act like you’re ... all humble and wise. you act like i don’t have bruises all over, and like you don’t scream at me every single day! and maybe that’s how you love, but ---” she breathed, tears forming in her green eyes.

“--- but what?”

“... but what you call love is destroying my life! and it’s --- destroying your soul, if you ever had one and --- and i don’t think you even know what it means to love, or to be loved ---” she cried, taking a step away from him.

“felicity, look. we’re still so young. we’ve got so much to learn, don’t we? you’re just corning me with your words --- and you’re doing it to yourself to, come on now,” he murmured, stepping forward and reaching out for the princess.

“w-what --- no, i’m not ---”

“look, this is the real, alright, princess? this is real life,” he assured. “this ... this gritty, gory, and gorgeous thing we have going on? this is love.”

jerking away from him, she let out a breathy laugh, "no, it’s not! this is not love! and, i know, that i have never been loved before, but, god, i know for certain that this isn’t it!”

“fellie, come on, calm down and cooperate, alright? we can talk this out ---”

“i don’t want to talk this out! i want freedom! and protection!”

“come on, princess, i can give you that ---”

"it’s been a year! an entire year, and all i have to show is bruises!”

“oh, please, you act like those bruises ain’t badges of honour ---”

"what do you mean --- ‘honour’?!” she cried.

“felicity, you are not leaving me! you owe me everything!”

“i can’t owe what you never gave! and, god, the love you gave was never love!” felicity screamed, tears streaming down her face. “you don’t know anything about love! you’re ... you’re warped, you’re sick! you’re so full of these twisted ideas of love!”

“felicity chancia ---”

“i’m not doing this anymore!”

that same night, felicity went home and told her mother. she told baileywick. she told her uncle james. she told her closest friends at school, though mostly as a warning --- stay away from this boy. he will destroy you. soon enough, though, it had gotten around to most people in enchancia, as well as a few in auradon --- royal secrets could never really stay secrets, after all.

although felicity remained soft, that year of her life effected her in a way she hadn’t thought possible; it made her even more self conscious that she had previously been, and it made her wish to be heartless and cold.