Dorcas

She knew. Dorcas knew already, and hadn’t exploded on her. Maybe—maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, then. There was disappointed behind her best friend’s eyes, sure, but Lily could handle that.        She was well versed in managing disappointment.

“Rosier, ah, discharged me from the infirmary into Snape’s care. It was the only way I was going to get out of there, and, well, if I didn’t get out of there Rosier would have run himself ragged, you should have seen him, Doe, he was a mess enough with Selwyn being laid up—” She was rambling, as if talking fast enough would get them past this rough spot quicker, like she could bore right through it with her words and nothing would go wrong. “So I couldn’t stay, but I’m still not really well,” and that was probably low of her, bringing up the ‘near death experience’ thing, but the desperation was clawing at her throat a bit now, “and you’ve got so much going on with work and all already, and Severus has the healery knowledge, so it made sense, really.”

God, her guilt never knew when to shut up.

--

Dorcas hadn’t thought she was a jealous person. But clearly she was. Although she didn’t fully know what she was jealous of. Or if it was just just jealousy. Yes, she was jealous that Lily had picked Snape over her, but she was also hurt. She knew some of it was a little irrational. Snape knew more about healing than her, so it made some sense for her to go there. It didn’t mean she had to stay there when she was fully better though, and Doe expected that might be what was going to happen.

“Rosier wouldn’t have discharged you if he thought you were that unwell.” Dorcas pointed out as she looked at her friend. Severus might know some healing knowledge, but she liked to think that Evan wouldn’t have let Lily go home if he thought something might happen to her. 

Dorcas sighed, biting her lip as she took another sip of her coffee. “You make it sound like I have no time for my friends, or that my work, and everything else is much more important than being there for my friends....” She paused, looking up to her friend against. The look of hurt that had been covering her face, looking more like annoyance now. “Which it is not. And you should know that. You’ve always come above anything I do.” And maybe that was where she had gone wrong.

Caradoc liked Dorcas. Granted, he’d likely never admit it, not even under penalty of pain or dismemberment, but that had very little to do with her and a great deal to do with his unwillingness to place someone in harms way any more than their own actions already did. But Dorcas saw the world practically, experienced it in a way few wix ever did, and stayed true and strong in front of it all. That was more than enough to earn Caradoc’s respect. It might even have been enough to earn his willingness to admit to emotions. Maybe.

“Do I look dazzled to you, Dorcas?” He might. He had lost some degree of his composure when he’d noticed she’d walked in, being all too happy to relax around her. It would no doubt spell disaster later, but he’d be hard-pressed to care too much about it now. “Life’s always shit for people like us, Dorcas,” he retorted, years of listening to his parents’ warnings making themselves known. “We get used to it.” He shifted weight from one foot to another, before shifting it back, hands wringing anxious circles in the towel Caradoc was holding. “Look,” he said slowly, “you know better than to do a tab. I… Might be open to waving that drink of yours. Pretending I didn’t see it. You wanna talk what’s got you going broke in my pub?”

---

Dorcas didn’t quite know when Caradoc had managed to worm his way so far into her heart. Not that she’d admit that now. But she liked him, and she knew it went beyond friendship, or Order pals. There was just something about him. Of course, there was the fact that he was only of the only people that truly understood what life was life for her. As much as her other friends tried they didn’t get it. But Doc did. And she found herself gravitating towards him. Of course it helped that he was quite attractive too.

“Maybe...” She murmured, a little grin on her face, as she tried to be a little cheeky. It was more like the normal Dorcas that he would see. She sighed, taking another sip of the firewhiskey. “Not fair.” She grumbled, rolling her eyes. But he was right. Life was always shit. She supposed that was why she was so frustrated with Lily. Even more so because she knew her friend would not truly understand why she was frustrated. How she could pick someone that had treated her so badly over herself was beyond her. Dorcas just did not understand.

“You’re too good to me Doc.... I appreciate you.” She murmured, a genuine smile on her lips. She did appreciate him. Dorcas was starting to realise that maybe he was one of the only ones she could trust. She bit her lip, knowing he would not let it go. “Lily and I had a fight.....” She cut off, sighing again. She was intending to continue, knowing Doc would need more information. Friends fell out all the time, but this felt more serious

“Because she’d rather live with a dick that has previously called her a mudblood, rather than with me, the friend that has always been there.” 

 “It’s not final,” Lily said too quickly, the rush to reassure her friend over…well she wasn’t quite sure, but that feeling of apology tickled her tongue and sat heavy in her stomach. “You can’t get rid of me that easily, you know.” She made a valiant attempt at joking, giving Dorcas a teasing smile. It felt flat and pushier than she meant—she’d blame that tension in the air that she couldn’t avoid feeling right now. Was Susie watching them from the front counter? Undoubtedly.

“But I figured if I was staying in one place for a while, I might need some of those things, and better to have them to start than bother you randomly when I find I need them at some ungodly hour—” The words started to pile up on top of each other as she headed down the path of the inevitable reveal, and she realized her half-baked plan of carefully introducing Dorcas to the idea was already backfiring because it was obvious, they were in Cokeworth, and it couldn’t only be the guilty that had the claxions in her mind screaming Dorcas Knows!

(Why had she ever thought it would go any other way, she didn’t know. Dorcas was too good of a Hit Witch to not have put it together already, surely.)

Taking a breath, Lily took the plunge. “I’m staying with Se—with Snape for a while.”

---

Dorcas just didn’t say anything, choosing to raise an eyebrow at her friend. Lily might try to deny it, but it did feel final to Dorcas. Ever since they’d graduated Hogwarts the offer for the two of them to live together had been there. It had made sense. Lily was really one of the only people that knew what she was going through. Yet, in more recent times Dorcas felt like her friend was pulling away from her. She didn’t like it. They’d all been through so much lately, and so she knew it wasn’t fair to get upset at Lily over something so trivial as where they lived. But, Dorcas couldn’t help it. 

And it all came down to the fact of who exactly Lily had came to live with. “And it didn’t make sense to maybe stay in the one place where those things were....” Dorcas mused, before she lifted up her coffee mug, and took a sip. She knew she was being petty, but she didn’t trust Severus. And it hurt that Lily had picked him over her, especially with all the past. Lily might have been able to forgive him, but Dorcas hadn’t, and she would not forget either.

When she’d sat down, she’d wondered how long it would take Lily to admit whom she was staying with. She’d already worked it out. She didn’t know the precise location, but she knew that Severus had lived some where in Cokeworth.

“That makes two of us,” Lucinda remarked. Besides a few exceptions, it didn’t seem like the Order was the biggest bunch of readers, which made sense - no time for rigorous studies while constantly having to survive. At least from what she had seen; if there was a secret book club, it wasn’t something she was invited to.

Lucinda gave up on the book in her hand -it seemed to have something to do with poems, which was the opposite of useful- and placed it back on the shelf. She gave the shelf another glance. With most of the books without any sort of identifying markers or apparent systems, it seemed like the sort of library where you needed to know where the book you were looking for was.

Temporarily giving up, she turned towards Dorcas. “I don’t suppose you by chance happen to have a personal library on duelling books?”

---

Dorcas just laughed, a little smile coming onto her lips. It was nice to actually have something she found funny. Everything had been so serious lately. it was like things had gotten all real. Of course, it had been real all along. It just felt a lot realer. Dorcas felt like they were losing. And it scared her. She wanted to win. She wanted to be able to enjoy her life. So, something funny, it was refreshing. And it made her smile.

“Oh....” She murmured, the smile still on her lips. She didn’t read too much. It was not that she did not want too. It was more that she just did not have the time. That was another thing she wanted to do when the war was over. But right now. It really did not look like that would be any time soon.

Where: Prewett estate

When: 5th of July

For: anyone!

Lucinda’s eyes scanned the bookshelf in front of her, looking for signs of anything useful. Things had been calm lately. Well, as calm as things could be during a seemingly never-ending war. But she as acutely aware that any moment of lull would be interrupted sooner or later. The enemy wasn’t resting and neither was she.

The downside to being one of the younger members of the Order, was that the rest had years of dulling experience over her. Lucinda had thought to ask someone for help many times, but she always backed out. Maybe when she felt better at it, like less work for whomever said yes. There was only so many times she could pick up books on the topic in the store before it got suspicious, so here she was instead, raiding the bookshelves at the estate. Someone must have left something behind at some point.

Maybe she ought to have asked someone before taking the liberty of picking up books like it was a home-library, but why ask permission when you could argue instead? Lucinda picked up a book at random right before she heard footsteps, and avoided the urge to shove it back. Instead she simply glanced up. “I don’t suppose you know if there’s a shelving system here of any sort?”

---

Dorcas had found herself not at the Prewett Estate recently. It wasn’t that she was avoiding. She never would. She felt safer there than she did any where. But, work had just been so busy, and she had literally found herself collapsing into bed each night. And so, it meant that she hadn’t really found time to actually be at the Prewett Estate recently. Her days off had been spent with her parents. After the muggleborn rescues she had wanted to spend more time with her family, wanting to spend time with them before it was too late.

Today though, she found herself sitting at the Prewett Estate kitchen table, and cup of coffee in her hand. She didn’t even know if there was anyone else around. She decided to have a look though. There was always someone around. She thought she could hear footsteps in the library. So she headed there first, and spotted Lucina.

“Hi.” She murmured, not waving since she still had the mug in her hand. “I have no idea....” She mused with a laugh. “I’ve not really looked in here that much.” She spent too much time reading at work to want to do any in her spare time. 

The worst part? Lily can see it, picture it in her mind; sweet, grey-haired, grandmum-to-everyone Susie giving Dorcas a long, wary, and half-frightened look with a bit of a sneer, and somehow it’s not even surprising or out of place on the frame of this woman she has known her whole life. It twists something painful in her stomach and makes her feel a bit ill in a way she can’t blame on the lingering nausea.

She should have waited, rather than do this to Dorcas.

Apologizing now, too late and for the world, wouldn’t help or even go over well, so she restricted herself to an extra squeeze of her friend before sliding into the seat opposite, her hands curling around the second cup.

“Good to see you too. In one piece and all.” She was still catching up on all the details of what had happened, but had gathered enough to know Dorcas hadn’t had it easy, but had come through all right. “Thank you for coming.” She bit back the apology on the tip of her tongue again, pushing on to say, “Figured it was time I reclaimed some of my things and stopped cluttering up your storage space.” 

--

Dorcas tended to not visit establishments where it was so obvious that she was not welcome. And if she did, she didn’t stay long. Today was an exception, and the only reason she was staying was because of Lily. She trusted her friend to not put her in a situation where she would come to harm. So, she could put up with a few moments of feeling awkward, if only for Lily. Of course, that meant that she had to hold her tongue, which was near impossible for Dorcas. But she would try.

It didn’t mean she was happy though, and she hoped that Lily could get that without her having to say that. She didn’t want to have to vocalise how shit it was to not be accepted in a literal coffee shop. it was a coffee shop. Nobody could feel awkward about coming into a coffee shop because of something they could not control.

After the scolding she’d gotten for her ill-advised trip to the Prewett Estate a couple days ago, Lily had known that she would have to have Dorcas meet her in Cokeworth. Nevermind the creeping unease subjecting her best friend to the homogeneous atmosphere of the town, and the ‘otherness’ it probably evoked, the guilt for the awareness of her friend’s difference in this place—maybe she could pretend that was the only guilt churning in her stomach.

Mostly able to dodge the curious greetings and questions that would have drawn her into the longer conversations she wouldn’t be able to avoid for much longer, Lily was only a couple minutes late to arriving to the coffee shop. It was a cozy and welcoming place, the decor aiming for what passed for classy elegance in Cokeworth, but Lily’s more worldly eyes now saw as a comfortably kitschy middle-class pastiche of poshness. Still, Susie’s (which was not the name of the coffee shop but was what everyone inevitably called it, after the owner, the actual name largely forgotten despite being proudly displayed over the shop door) was the best place for a casual coze, and the safest place Lily could think of in town, short of a house she knew Dorcas would rather riot over than visit.

Which was part of Lily’s problem.

But maybe it wouldn’t be as bad as all that, she thought as she headed towards the back of the shop after giving Susie a quick greeting and being told her friend was already waiting. Maybe she was overthinking and not giving her friend enough credit. Maybe it would be fine. (As fine as everything else in her life.)

“Doe,” Lily gushed, clinging to optimistic enthusiasm as she reached for her friend, determined to get a hug. “Thank you so much for coming. Did you find it all right—no trouble?”

---

As nice as this all was Dorcas didn’t like it. She was used to little coffee shops, and small towns and villages. She had grown up in a tiny village after all. But she’d never felt welcome there, never felt like she belonged there. She wasn’t the right fit, and a lot of people hadn’t wanted her to fit it. She remembered a lot of memories of children being told to avoid her. it had been a lonely childhood, until she had started going to Hogwarts. Of course, a magical school hadn’t changed the fact that her home village had been horrid. It made it easier, but didn’t make her forget.

So, sitting in this little café was slightly traumatic as it reminded her so much of the cafes at the village. But she was doing this for Lily. She loved her best friend enough to let the trauma come up. Because if she was honest, so many of the associated feelings of not belongingly still came up in so many places in London, and Dorcas had had to get used to the feelings. It sucked, but it was life.

She didn’t have to be happy to be here though. And, she was probably going to remind Lily that if she didn’t like places like this. She might come here for Lily, but it did not mean she had to be happy about it. When she saw her best friend, she forced a smile onto her face. She was happy to see if Lily after all, especially now that she really did look better. 

“Depends how you define trouble.” She mused with a shrug, as she stood up, to hug her friend. She squeezed her, holding on tight for a few moments, before she sat down. “Depends if you consider the owner looking me up and down like I was going to rob the place trouble or not.....” She continued, as she sat down and took a sip of her coffee. She spoke about it casually, like it didn’t really matter, even though, it was mattered a huge deal to her.

Date: July 2nd 1984 Location: The Flaming Dragon Status: Closed for @ofdorkass​

Someone was sitting in Gwenog’s seat. 

She always sat in that seat at the end of the bar- mostly because it kept her bad side out of sight and allowed her to sit as comfortably as she could. Usually, the seat remained vacant, as if the witch had transfigured the back of the stool to read ‘Property of Gwenog Jones’ in bright gold letters. It was a good idea… though she wasn’t entirely sure how keen Doc would be on the idea of maiming one of his barstools for her own use. And besides: putting her name on the back of the stool wouldn’t change the fact that someone was in her seat right now. 

Gwenog trudged across the bar, trying to set her face like stone. Whoever it was, she’d say something, they’d leave, she’d get a drink, and then be on her merry way. But the closer she got to the wix in her chair, the more distinctive features she could make out. Her stony expression melted away like ice in summer sun with every step until a crooked grin had fully taken the scowl’s place.

Dorcas Meadowes. 

She remembered being a little First Year, secretly moony eyed over the older Ravenclaw students. They could do things that she could only dream of. And there were few as impressive to Gwenog as Dorcas. A lot had changed since Gwenog had been a doe eyed First Year, but her admiration for Dorcas had not diminished. Rather than gripe about whose seat was whose, Gwenog clambered onto the stool beside the witch and shot her a cheeky grin. 

“They’ll let anyone in here nowadays… Hiya, Doe.”

----

Dorcas was beginning to think she spent too much time at the Flaming Dragon. She supposed it was an Order safe bar, so there was always that. And then there was Caradoc. She always felt safe around him. There were many places that she did not feel safe, where people like her were not welcomed. She’d never felt like that at The Flaming Dragon. Caradoc looked after her, and well she felt like she belonged. So, she could often be found here, even without company. 

She didn’t mind drinking on her own, mostly because she tended to always find someone to talk to when she came. And even if she didn’t, the bartenders tended to be friendly. Dorcas liked being here. There were many places where she didn’t feel like she belonged, but nobody ever made her feel like that here and she liked it.

She was aware of someone coming to sit next to her, and she glanced to the side, and then just grinned. Little Gwenog. The girl was a few years younger than her, but Dorcas could remember her from school. She was cool. She’d been good at quidditch, and it made Dorcas sad because of what had happened.

“I could say the same about you.” She mused, a little smirk on her lips as she continued to look at Gwenog. “I’m in your seat right?” Because this wasn’t the first time they’d both been in the place at the same time. And Dorcas had a good memory.

It was a truth universally acknowledged that once the sun set, business was truly going to begin. Less well-known, though just as important, was the understanding that by the time the top-shelf alcohol was requested, something had gone so horribly wrong that the only option was to burn both your wallet and yourself. Dorcas’ request set off little alarm bells in the mind of the experienced bartender known as Caradoc Dearborn. “Well shit,” he declared, turning around and summoning the bottle in question down. “One of those days?”

It was such a typical bartender statement, but one that remained a staple purely for how well it cut to the heart of the issue. As Caradoc poured the drink and placed it in front of the muggleborn, he frowned. “You look like shit and the smile isn’t fooling anyone,” he declared. “You can drop it now. Are you opening a tab or paying as you go?”

Dorcas had to admit, as she sat on the bar stool, that ordering a firewhiskey probably hadn’t been her best idea. It was rather strong, and it wasn’t like she could afford it. She did have  decent job, but she was also renting in London. Most of her money went on rent, and she was pretty confident that her land lord was charging her more because of the colour of her skin. And still, here she was ordering expensive Firewhiskey. But the day had been shit. She really shouldn’t have been even at the bar. 

“And here I was thinking my smile dazzled you.” Dorcas mused a little grin on her face. Trust Doc to be able to make her smile even the midst of her feeling shit. “Paying as I go. Like I can afford a fucking tab.” She muttered, rolling her eyes as she took a long sip of the drink. She sighed, placing the glass back on the bar, and then biting her lip. “Today fucking sucked.”

When: 29th June, Late

Who: Dorcas and @caradocdears

Going to the pub this late in the night was not good. To be honest Dorcas wasn’t even sure it was still the 29th. It could have easily passed Midnight, and become the last day in June. But Dorcas was not aware. She really couldn’t remember much of that she had done since she’d left the coffee shop where she’d had the fight with Lily. And she hadn’t even aware that her feet were taking her to The Flaming Dragon until she was opening up the door. She had no idea what time it was, but at least she was walking into somewhere familiar, and a establishment where she knew she would be safe. She  also supposed she could have gone to a worse pub, and maybe some flirting with Caradoc would distract her from her hurt feelings and upset over her fight with Lily. Even without flirting Caradoc was simply a distraction due to his good looks. So, she wasn’t too fussed, despite the late hour.

When: Mid-afternoon, 29th 

Who: Dorcas and @asphodelroot

Dorcas did not like this coffee shop. Lily better love her, because that was the only reason why she was sitting in this coffee shop. She’d been to Cokeworth plenty of times, and yet, she still felt like she didn’t really fit in. She supposed she should be grateful it wasn’t a pub that Lily had wanted to meet up in. She’d gotten some nasty looks as she’d walked in, ordered two coffees, and sat down, but she hadn’t felt like she was unsafe, just unwanted. At least they’d served her. That was a positive when compared against some of the other places that members of the Order had taken her too. Some of her friends just didn’t understand the difficulties she faced in places like this, and Dorcas was too used to just letting it slide, rather than kicking up a fuss. 

She settled into the table, away in the corner. She’d be less noticeable here, and hopefully wouldn’t get too many stares from the other coffee drinkers. She was excited to see Lily though, and make sure she was okay. The things that Lily had asked her to bring made her slightly concerned that Lily intended on staying a little longer here in Cokeworth. She knew vaguely about her best friend’s pas tin Cokeworth, and her mind had jumped to just exactly whom she might be staying with. She knew that Lily knew she was always welcome. And so the fact that she’d decide to stay with Snape rather than her was hurting her, even when she was only assuming it right now. But she loved Lily too much to not offer help, especially when she had almost hurt.