alone

i do not exist for me. existing for myself is ultimately a meaningless and unnecessary living experience – embracing and acting exclusively upon self-interest almost always leaves me empty-handed. we each have to either accept or deny that humans are created with intrinsic value, and that decision will set the tone for our relationship with every person, including ourselves.

i needed a boost in oxytocin to keep others alive through a pair of shoes and i found it in you. my mother asked you about jack kerouac and you answered plainly. i think you knew what i was after and you breathed it down my neck and placed in between my thighs. when you felt my body melt into your hands, you let me go and gave me a look like you knew that this wasn't strictly business for me and you felt sorry. go down the stairs, the back door is unlocked

we laid down on the floor together, nose to nose, and talked about our futures -- your future separate from mine. i could feel your breath on my cheeks but when i tried to pull away, you pulled me back, saying, no, no, she wouldn't mind. i'm glad i'm not the only one lying to myself.

the terrible thing about all this is knowing that, eventually, it's going to be over, but i know that you're going to be one of those that my mind will continue to wander towards for a long time.

limbs stretch bones crack tiny sighs release from loose lips sunlight streams in through the crack in the window my head is tucked neatly under your chin and you are tucked neatly into my bed

last night you sat so close to me and smiled so near to me that i could've cried. the way that you look at me breaks my body into pieces in a way that i can't describe and that i can't repair

i always dream about kissing you but as soon as you really lean into me i turn away

i'm too busy being yours to fall for somebody new