bot fly

hey guys! i’ve been really, really hesitant about this making this post, since i don’t know if there’s enough content to need a “callout post” but... i don’t know, the stuff here is really skeevy, and i feel like people at least have a right to know the kind of person silver is and can be.

i know it’s probably obvious who i am, but nevertheless, i erased my name out of all of the messages that will be included here, just because it made me feel a little better! also because, and as this post has a lot to do with, im a minor, and some of this stuff is a bit... icky.

so, yes, i’m a minor - currently 16, turning 17 at the end of march. silver, as you may or may not know, is just barely 22 (like, by a month or so?)

so, that’s a... 6 year age gap between an adult and a minor who.. yes, dated.

and i want to clarify: i understand i also made the decision to start dating silver and say the things that were said.

and i’m not trying to make... i don’t know, excuses? but i’m both pretty extensively traumatized and have bpd. i crave attention in any form i can get it in, and that includes often from adults.

i’m not proud of my decision to date him. at all. i regret it very much so, but i still did. nevertheless, he was still the adult in the situation and had ever opportunity to turn me down because i was, as i said before, sixteen.

and no, making sure i’m “comfortable with this” does not count because frankly, i don’t tell people if im comfortable with it or not, because as i said before, i’m a victim of extensive abuse in situations where saying i was uncomfortable would lead to severe violence.

there’s really only two things i want to address in this post: silver knowingly dating me when i was 16, and having seemingly no problem with it, and silver frequently engaging in sexual, explicit activities.

the first will be addressed here. some of these might be out of order because i had to search through a lot of discord messages to find them, so apologies.

this is probably when it first came up, like... a day after we started dating? maybe the day of, i don’t remember.

i was nervous and hesitant about the age thing - and yes, okay, i get it, i could have said no to dating, whatever - but i didn’t and neither did he! as the adult!

he obviously had no problem dating a 16 year old. sure, he says he wanted to make sure i was happy and that’s fine or whatever - but he still, as a fucking adult had zero hangups over dating a minor.

was it malicious in intent? probably not! but was this like, fucked up? yeah!!!

another example, where i brought it up again, purposefully trying to point this out (i was aware of the... badness of it all. i was too scared to break up, because that’s just how i am.)

as you can see here, i say “i mean to be fair it should be a little bit (weird) at least :P”

i was aware that the fact he had zero hangups over dating a minor was a red flag, and i was trying to subtly point it out. 

he still clearly has no fucking clue, and even says “i really hope you don’t think badly of me for this”, which means he had to have known it was wrong!!

another one, later that month:

i don’t know, this one really upsets me the most. i asked if it was weird the age gap, and he clearly and simply said no. as long as i wasn’t uncomfortable! (i was!)

lastly, and this is a little less to do with this exact thing and more to do with the fact that people dating underage frequently use the excuse of “oh well you seem so much older”:

“jeez i feel older than 16!!:

“You sure do :P”

so... yeah! the other one i want to deal with is far more... gross and bad. major trigger warning here!

now, okay, this wouldn’t be that big of an issue, i think, if at the very least silver knew to stay non sexual and not let us get anywhere sexual.

because of bpd and trauma, i can be sort of hypersexual, and i will frequently make increasingly explicit remarks until either:

somebody kindly says no thank you (then i stop!)

they reciprocate, and it continues.

again, i am aware at any point i did have the chance to stop it as well. but i have very poor impulse control, and also frequently self harm with sex due to my complicated and traumatizing relationship with it.

and also, silver knew that.

so! like! okay asshole you know how i work and personally i think as the adult, you have a responsibility to go “i cannot pursue a sexual relationship with this minor 6 years younger than me”.

but, oh, uh, he did!

and oh, here’s a good one, willingly looking at a minor’s nudes, aha:

so, you know. that’s cool, i guess.

i’m posting this on this blog because i don’t want my own notifications blowing up about it, but please please reblog this if you can.