Cellar
It was unnerving - the way Yata was looking at him then; stare so intent Saruhiko felt as if he would burn. For once in a very long time he felt as if he mattered and it was unnerving - but not in a horrible way. Saruhiko had long gotten used to venomous glares and just as bitter words thrown at him that he had forgotten how it was like when Yata used to look at him - really look at him. It was strange but vaguely familiar like the smile on Yata’s face.
It takes a bit of effort for him not to stare, averting his eyes from Yata’s piercing gaze to the creases of the hospital gown that served little to no purpose in protecting him from the many wrong choices he’s ever made. There were plenty of ‘what if’s between them - always was the case - but here was an opportunity for him, practically served in a silver platter and presented by Yata Misaki himself, to begin again. All Saruhiko had to do was muster enough courage to take it.
No, that’s not it, Saruhiko thinks to himself, eyes shifting over to the bottle of water within Yata’s loose grip.
He had already taken the offer that was given to him. There was no longer any point in denying nor was there in ignoring the existence of their previous engagements any further - Saruhiko had already made his choice. Trying to protect himself by doing so, just so he can quietly fall back into familiar ground was nothing short of being a child unable to face what was ahead of him. Perhaps it was worse than being a child. Saruhiko knew that he was being a coward.
“I do remember… ‘was just wondering.” What was ahead of him was Misaki and the possibility of an actual life beside the one person who’s ever really been important to him. Yata was trying. He had to give as much as well. And really, a half-hearted answer such as that, delivered in nothing less than a mumble would not cut it.
Furrowing his brows, Saruhiko gathered his strength and with his unscathed arm, pushed himself up into a sitting position. It’s a struggle and it’s a little annoying to find himself having to catch his breath afterwards but Saruhiko manages and upon doing so, reaches for the bottle of water within Misaki’s grasp.
“There are lapses in my memory but those are irrelevant… I remember enough.”
His throat is scratchy but he thinks he manages to speak loud enough for Yata to hear. Chancing a glance at the other, he puts the rim of the bottle to his lips, tipping his head back slowly to take a drink, the cool liquid instantly soothing his throat. When he’s finished, he puts the bottle down to his lap, averting his eyes to once again watch the water through clear plastic.
“Thanks…”
It’s a mere whisper and Saruhiko doesn’t think it’s loud enough for Yata to hear, but if it was and Yata has heard, Saruhiko makes no move to clarify - whether it was for the bottle of water now within his lose grasp or for something else, he lets Misaki ponder about it himself.
It was one of the countless possibilities Yata had foreseen while waiting for the younger to finally wake — what would he really think about this whole situation? After the year and years of hiding and lying to himself, he no longer had walls to hide behind. Twenty years of self preservation destroyed in less than an hour, all from the words of the skater alone, in a place they had no business getting into such a conversation. Certainly with the absence of such a well fortified and maintained self defense system it would cause some degree of shock and discomfort; hence being why Yata was prepared for it all. His anger. His regret. His denial of any of this happening to begin with or his attempts to try and blame it on his desperation and hysteria from the pain.
He was ready.
Ready for more than just a mutter reply at least. Patience would be the key, he had been sleeping so long and all he can do to keep himself from falling apart under the stress of wanting to know just what was going on inside that head of his is to give Saru the water.
“I’m glad… that’s good. At least we know nothing is wrong with your head if you can remember that stuff right?” Yata realizes his mistake once Saruhiko takes the bottle, and that mistake would be that he is now empty handed with nothing to distract himself. Sure he could continue to look at the water rippling in the bottle… but then it would be to obvious that he is trying to avoid eye contact at all costs. He was the one that had wanted this to begin with. No wussing out now.
Sheets rustle and his head snaps up, arms moving to hold onto him on instinct, trying to at least make the pain more bearable as he gets into a position more comfortable for speaking. “They said that might happen if only from the exhaustion. Other than the few bruises, they didn’t think there would be any problem with your head…” As he speaks he looks at the bandages covering parts of his head, hoping the marks wouldn’t remain after this was all said and done.
They didn’t need anymore scars of what was in the past, there were already too many to count.
When Saru starts to drink is when Yata finally finds it in him to look back up at him properly, watching him with trained eyes that knew how to take in every little motion. Even once he’s done he doesn’t look away and he can’t help but think of just how ironic this whole situation has turned out.
Eyes on me he always said… Look who’s ignoring who now…
“Sure…” Probably not the best response but he’s lucky enough to get words out at all with how preoccupied his mind is. “I… don’t know if you’re hungry or not. It would probably be good to try to eat a little to get your strength up. You’re healing just fine, as long as an infection doesn’t pop up they said you should be okay. But I think if one was going to pop up it would have by now…”
Talking to him is hard, trying to find the right words had never been this hard, but he has to get some kind of points for making an effort. He wants this to work. He wants to be there for him.
He wanted to take him along this time and not just leave him behind like so many others had. He wanted to share this world with him and he wanted to do it right.
It’s only after Misaki replies to his thanks that he somehow manages to get his thoughts together enough to realise that his companion had been trying to explain his current condition to him. But everything had fluttered into one ear and crawled out the other. Even so, Saruhiko was positively sure that Misaki had yet to mention anything about death or permanent damages to him, a sign he would take that he’s well into his way towards complete recovery.
Misaki was trying to talk to him again, and Saruhiko had to admit that he was beginning to feel a little guilty for his complete lack of focus - everything going a little too fast for him to keep up with. Whether it was due to the fact that he had just woken up or something else entirely, he wasn’t sure, but he manages to catch something about food as Yata drones on and balks. What follows after is something about an infection but Saruhiko finds himself too fixated on the idea of necessary sustenance that he almost completely shuts Yata off all over again.
He’s aware of his rather empty stomach, a low grumbling beginning to emanate from it now that Saruhiko’s been reminded of it’s current state, but the idea of food is everything less than appealing and he pales. If possible, he’d like to skip out on having to eat but Saruhiko knew that it’d simply be counterproductive of his recovery.
Resigning to his fate, Saruhiko slowly shuffles into a more comfortable position as he speaks, eyes carefully resting on a spot over Yata’s shoulder - still too anxious to make eye contact but finding it too rude at this point to not at least turn his head towards who he was speaking to. “Just something small...”
Without much of an appetite, he’d have to settle for something light and easy on the stomach. Nothing particularly grand, just something to fill him up and give him a little bit more strength. Chewing onto his bottom lip as he thought it over, Saruhiko gave Yata a once over before finally deciding on what he wanted, acknowledging the fact that he’d have to ask for Yata’s help on this one.
“Could you get me something light... food, I mean.... please.”
