also cipher but worse this time

sometimes a theme recurs in your work without your permission. and sometimes it reaches a threshold where you're like. well now i think this is saying something about me against my will. don't know what though

* clockign in at the making the same post 4729827392828 times factory

Having your interests mocked as a kid and general low self esteem will have you insulting the things you like even when they're generally considered very good. Because you like it, and historically when you like something it's stupid and not worth anyone's time. So you will say nonsense like "I recommend this book/game/film, but it's okay if you hate it, it sucks, I really enjoyed it but that's because I'm an idiot" and you are recommending them the Citizen fucking Kane of that particular media type. And importantly: you need to stop doing this it is killing you

do any of your ocs have a star or space motif?

Computer, tell me how to continue to create even when knowing the result will be mediocre at best. Google, tell me how to find joy in the process of art rather than the end product as to not discourage myself

the thing about being bullied for being weird as a kid is that even if you've always embraced being weird your brain is still always looking for the line where it's too much. you can be as proudly and intentionally weird as you want and you can love being weird but your mind is still convinced there's a point where you get too weird and people start treating you like a weird looking bug again. also it feels like you reach that point 500 times a day even if everyone you've spoken to today found you pleasant and likable and even if you're completely alone in your house with nobody looking at you at all.

another thing about being bullied for being weird is that it tends to make you more weird in ways you understand less and that get you bullied worse because the only thing funnier than making fun of an autistic kid is making fun of a traumatized autistic kid