Ocean Dreamer

this post has been up for a month and brought me endless joy. here are some names from the notes

“I used to imagine adventures for myself, I invented a life, so that I could at least exist somehow.”

The thing with mental illness is you’ll think you’re finally recovered and doing the best in your life and then something happens. And you begin to feel the earth crumbling beneath your feet as you lose grasp of the only thing that was holding you up. So you fall and you fall hard because there is nothing left for you to hold onto. Your entire chest and stomach feels like it’s being crushed by a pile of rocks. You try to help yourself up and use the mechanisms you were given but that doesn’t work. As you slip further and further into the unknown you know that this is it for you. That your short period on this planet was nothing but a failed attempt of happiness.

“But you can’t get away from yourself. You can’t decide not to see yourself anymore. You can’t decide to turn off the noise in your head.”