folllow your arrow

what I look like after the past year of my life. #goofyaf

Most people know me as being this (slightly) funny person who is almost always smiling and laughing at something absurd. While many people believe im a happy person, I dont think that Ive been that person in a long time. Before, most days I could make it through the day without having a mental breakdown, or getting mad at something so trivial, but lately I can't even make it a few hours before i start hysterically crying. I am an emotional mess. I can go from one extreme to the next in a matter of a minute. It comes in waves and I don't know how to escape it. i know that it must be extremely tiring for the people around me, but not as tiring as it is for me.. Just like anyone feeling this way, I just want to have good days where I can go home and feel okay and carry on like any happy person, but instead I fall asleep sad and I'll be honest, I've cried myself to sleep way more than I can count. I stay in bed way longer than I should, and my self confidence is at an all time low. I don't know what people who feel like this do, but I know I choose to self harm. Now it's not always me taking a blade and cutting my wrists, but I'm not saying it never was. I don't like the feeling of knives on my wrists which maybe sounds weird but it's true... but I don't mind the feeling of punching or biting myself or ripping my hair out. Sometimes I'll even go as far as not eating for a day or two. I feel mentally, physically, and emotionally drained. I don't know when this feeling started or when it's going to end, I don't know who I'll have by my side to help me get through it. I dont even know if any of this makes sense.. but to all of my friends who are still with me today even after Ive been a total cunt to you, because im sure i have been, thank you. Thank you for being the best people I can surround myself with to help me understand that I'm not alone.

my christmas gift to instagram. **not that great of a gift, I know

lit.

split.

my highlight is 🔥. . . . . . . @loraccosmetics #unzippedgold on my eyes, @billiondollarbrows brow powder in taupe, @cargocosmetics picture perfect illuminating palette on my face and #boundlesslashes mascara and i cant forget the @michaelkors lip gloss bc I'm fancy. (dual ended rollerball) #mua #motd #highlights #blackandwhite #iwishiwasbetteratthis .

I cover up my real freckles just to have a filter to give me some anyway. #blackfriday