Masks and Mirrors

"Oh! That's it! You're an asshole, like that Doofus guy. Nice talking, Jerry. You divorced there too?"

"If you want to barely scratch the surface, then sure, call it that. I'm not divorced, I never married in the first place, never had a need for such a thing, it's more complicated than that."

"I can see why you never got married, that's for sure."

"Oh, trust me, it wasn't due to a lack of suitors. But those ceremonies and paperwork are far too mundane, unnecessary."

"Can't blame you on that one, always seemed pointless to me too. But then, I've only been around for like a year or two, so who knows?"

"I'm assuming you're a clone, then? Most clones I've seen are usually Mortys. That obsession Ricks seem to have with replicating their own family members is quite strange."

"Oh! That's it! You're an asshole, like that Doofus guy. Nice talking, Jerry. You divorced there too?"

"If you want to barely scratch the surface, then sure, call it that. I'm not divorced, I never married in the first place, never had a need for such a thing, it's more complicated than that."

"I can see why you never got married, that's for sure."

"Oh, trust me, it wasn't due to a lack of suitors. But those ceremonies and paperwork are far too mundane, unnecessary."

"Oh! That's it! You're an asshole, like that Doofus guy. Nice talking, Jerry. You divorced there too?"

"If you want to barely scratch the surface, then sure, call it that. I'm not divorced, I never married in the first place, never had a need for such a thing, it's more complicated than that."

"I'm... Almost impressed that that's the only part of my ask that you processed. No matter, I'll be seeing where this goes."

"The way I see it, if you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all. And I'm trying to be nice."

"Right, that concept. If you see it from a certain angle, I was being nice, I was trying to stop you from making a mistake, you wouldn't want your child to end up like my good for nothing son."

"Your good for nothing son? What did he do?"

"He neglected his duties, let's leave it at that. At least now that we have a deal he's taking them a little more seriously."

"My Morty sometimes forgets to do his chores too. God, you should see the state of his bedroom! It's disgusting!"

"Yeah, sure, my Morty. They're interesting little guys, aren't they? Sometimes I wonder how is it that there isn't a larger number of them getting rebellious."

"Don't tell anyone I told you this, but my son is getting a little too rebellious. I guess it's just that age."

"Oh, I'm sure you haven't seen anything yet. But yes, teenagers are like that, it's to be expected of them to not always make the best decisions."

"I expected a little rebellious, but an entire rebellion! I'm getting sick of the Morty meetings. They kicked me out of my own house for the day."

"Well, that's just your own fault, you have to be more assertive if you don't want your own son walking over you like that."

"I'm... Almost impressed that that's the only part of my ask that you processed. No matter, I'll be seeing where this goes."

"The way I see it, if you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all. And I'm trying to be nice."

"Right, that concept. If you see it from a certain angle, I was being nice, I was trying to stop you from making a mistake, you wouldn't want your child to end up like my good for nothing son."

"Your good for nothing son? What did he do?"

"He neglected his duties, let's leave it at that. At least now that we have a deal he's taking them a little more seriously."

"My Morty sometimes forgets to do his chores too. God, you should see the state of his bedroom! It's disgusting!"

"Yeah, sure, my Morty. They're interesting little guys, aren't they? Sometimes I wonder how is it that there isn't a larger number of them getting rebellious."

"Don't tell anyone I told you this, but my son is getting a little too rebellious. I guess it's just that age."

"Oh, I'm sure you haven't seen anything yet. But yes, teenagers are like that, it's to be expected of them to not always make the best decisions."

"I'm... Almost impressed that that's the only part of my ask that you processed. No matter, I'll be seeing where this goes."

"The way I see it, if you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all. And I'm trying to be nice."

"Right, that concept. If you see it from a certain angle, I was being nice, I was trying to stop you from making a mistake, you wouldn't want your child to end up like my good for nothing son."

"Your good for nothing son? What did he do?"

"He neglected his duties, let's leave it at that. At least now that we have a deal he's taking them a little more seriously."

"My Morty sometimes forgets to do his chores too. God, you should see the state of his bedroom! It's disgusting!"

"Yeah, sure, my Morty. They're interesting little guys, aren't they? Sometimes I wonder how is it that there isn't a larger number of them getting rebellious."

"I'm... Almost impressed that that's the only part of my ask that you processed. No matter, I'll be seeing where this goes."

"The way I see it, if you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all. And I'm trying to be nice."

"Right, that concept. If you see it from a certain angle, I was being nice, I was trying to stop you from making a mistake, you wouldn't want your child to end up like my good for nothing son."

"Your good for nothing son? What did he do?"

"He neglected his duties, let's leave it at that. At least now that we have a deal he's taking them a little more seriously."

"I'm... Almost impressed that that's the only part of my ask that you processed. No matter, I'll be seeing where this goes."

"The way I see it, if you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all. And I'm trying to be nice."

"Right, that concept. If you see it from a certain angle, I was being nice, I was trying to stop you from making a mistake, you wouldn't want your child to end up like my good for nothing son."

"I'm... Almost impressed that that's the only part of my ask that you processed. No matter, I'll be seeing where this goes."

... Just don't hurt her.

You have my word, as long as you keep your end of the deal.