Hell is lovely if I'm with you ♡

I'm Orpheus, quite a long name so if you have an alternative please let me know.

ISTP 5w6 / Aquarius / Pansexual

This is a vent blog, as you may see this is yancore themed so trigger warning about disturbing content ahead, some of them being:

- Suicide / Self harm mention

- Depressive thoughts

- NSFW media

- Hard kinks

- Blood / Slight gore / Knife play

- Obsessive behavior

I'm a bit shy but I would love to make friends so if you are interested my dm's are open or you can ask me anything, I'll answer as soon as possible.

When I was younger, due to some circumstances, my friends were older than me by at least two years. They were very kind to me and set my standard for coolness, they were all alt and welcomed me to a community I was new to. I wanted to be that for other people, but I don't talk to anyone anymore.

My English elementary teacher was always so cheerful and creative, that inspired me to pursue English as my major and one day be a good teacher just like her. Right now, I don't know if I can be in front of students and be as dedicated as her.

Yes, I survived and adapted, and I am proud that I got up on my feet, but now I look back, and I hurt for the things I had to sacrifice to be here. I don't necessarily hate who I became, but I was supposed to be better, brighter, stronger.

Instead, now I am gloomy and serious, I do only the necessary to get by and feel tired around people.

I will achieve the goals a different version of myself made for me.

Maybe I should have lived my life slower, I feel like I lived a lot, and felt even more, I wish to rest and that makes me sad. My life has barely started, and I am already pleased with what I have done.

I don't know these things because I was always a lurker.

I just want to feel like I am crazy in love, that my body is on fire from all the lust and I can't think straight because I can only think of them. I want to feel like dying when I am not around them and the craving of their touch or even just being seen by them. I want to fantasize of me tasting them, consuming them, conquering them and owning them.

- 💕 anon

I don't want to get too deep in here, but I think it's that I realized Uni is so boring to me, it is not hard but it is so tedious and slow, and I don't feel like I am learning that much either, I feel like I am wasting my time even though getting a degree is the best thing I could do rn, my brain is a mess dw, I am getting better.

I was good for some months, maybe a year or so but now I feel so bad.

I've been making the same mistakes I did a couple years ago when I let my life go to waste, but even if I recognize it I don't have the energy to change it again.

The nightmares have come back and I wake up constantly during the night but I can't remember what the nightmares were about.

I don't have a goal to work for, all I know is I have to keep going because that's the best for me, but I don't have any motivation.

I've been dissociating a lot more, i thought it was over but I guess it isn't.

It's already fall 🖤 It's my favourite season.

It worked. Quite fast if I say so myself.

Don't tell me you were waiting for me to beg you to come back....

Admit the truth sire!

💕 anon

I wish I was this egotistical but no, I wasn't waiting for you to beg me to come back xD

I was already planning to come back but your ask was so cute it motivated me, so thank you.