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if you like penis coladas.. and getting shot in the brain!

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society collapsed the moment we let any single beverage cost more than $5

a dude came into the library stoned out of his mind and was like, “do I need a library card to look at books?” And I said, “to take books home, yes. To look at them, no” and he looked so relieved. bro was staring at a fish encyclopedia for like an hour and then just left.

If you’re bisexual you’re probably bisexual

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babies love beibg aborted its like a rollercoaster And theyre reborn and do it all over again

if i was a vampire i absolutely would be saying stupid bullshit. all the time. “ok, i’ll bite” before i feed. always. and what have you

the point of being a vampire is to be sexy. but also funny. annoying about it