Lazy, hungry, slob

You know you gained some weight. Whenever you look down on your phone, a thick double chin greets you. But it isn't until someone takes a photo of your profile that it really hits you.

"God, I am so fat..." You think. Embarrassingly, you got a face of someone who is 100 lbs heavier than you actually are. You look at it in disbelief: your neck completely gone. Your lips and nose partially obscured by a chubby cheek. Actual jowls developing, getting meatier. Those creases on your neck neck roll...

You decide to take a selfie. It can't be that bad, can it?

And somehow, it's even worse.

Your lips changed shape permanently since you fattened. That second chin is hanging and jiggling below the first one.

Maybe if you tried to smile... After all, it's always better to smile for photos, isn't it?

You stretch your lips and encounter sudden resistance. What the fuck??

There is mass on your cheeks now. The muscles of your face aren't used to pushing so much weight. They tremble. Your cheeks tremble and jiggle as you're trying pathetically to make a natural human expression.

You give up. Your face is now frozen in a permanent pout. Slowly drowning in fat.

Your next selfie is even more embarassing, the angle revealing that your cheeks are now so chubby they spill from behind your nose at a right angle:

okay i feel like i look like melting ice cream

thigh roll looks fucking fat in the last photo...

- Monthly care packages of their favorite snacks and treats! You can surprise them or ask what they want (also you can have some fun with it by counting up all the calories of the items so you know how much more you're adding to their diet)

- Surprise dinners from their favorite food places: not a whole stuffing but a decent meal. Takes off the task of cooking on their end and it gets more calories in their body.

- Making fun and sugary drinks for them to sip on constantly throughout the day! From juices, sweet tea, chocolate milk, very creamy coffees, and sodas! Even get them a fun cup to go with it!

- Setting out their favorite snacks for them while they are doing something. Are they playing a game? Well pour them a bowl of their go-to salty snack and watch them munch away.

- Keep snacks on hand 24/7 and keep on offering them to your greedy little feedee! "Hey baby we have a long drive, wanna eat something quick? Look in my backpack I've got a few choices in there for ya"

- Provide them with gift cards or debt cards for food expenses alone, it just takes the burden of them having to ask for money away.

- Start baking and cooking more, tell them that you are experimenting! How could they turn down your hard work???

- Put the idea that they should be eating more in their head. Life is busy and sometimes all we need is a reminder or two. Ex- "Oh that wasn't a big serving at all, I bet you're still hungry", "Hey baby you should eat something, you look hungry", "Can you please have some more~"

-Add some more incentives for why they would want to eat/positive reinforcements. This could be from weight goals with a reward at each milestone or telling them what you want/will do to them because they are eating for you like a good boy/girl!

Keep them fed….

Then make them huge and yours forever..

No, you pathetic pig, you're nowhere near fat enough. I don’t care if doing the most basic things has become nearly impossible for your obese, useless body. I don’t care if you can barely breathe or if your whole family is worried sick about you.

Open that mouth right now. Or I’ll have to pry it open with my fingers and force this donut down your throat. You know how much I hate doing that, so be a good pig and open wide for me.

Keep them fed….

Then make them huge and yours forever..

okay, piggy. prove it. drink this shake every day for the next few weeks and watch what it does to your body.

ingredients:

Base:

2 cups (16oz) heavy cream 800 cals

1 cup of whole milk (add more or less depending on your desired thickness) 150 cals

A pint of melted ice cream (must be "premium" ice cream like Häagen-Dazs or Ben & Jerry's) 1,000 cals

2 servings of Mass Gainer powder (Cals are for the Dymatize Super Mass Gainer Rich Chocolate, but use whatever brand you can get your hands on) 2,500 cals

Half a can (7oz) of sweetened condensed milk 910 cals

(Optional) 1 cup of frozen banana

Add-ons:

1/3 cup of chocolate syrup and/or caramel sauce 300 cals

4 tbsp of peanut butter or hazelnut spread 380 cals

1 cup of mini chocolate chips 800 cals

1/2 cup of marshmallow fluff 165 calories

Whipped Cream (for topping)

note: these are very approximate calorie estimates based off of some very basic google searches, so they could be totally off. i'm a slut, not a scientist, so make your own calculations if you please.

Throw together your base of heavy cream, whole milk, melted ice cream, mass gainer, and condensed milk into a blender.

Then add your chocolate and/or caramel syrup, peanut butter and/or nutella, marshmallow fluff, etc.

You should skip the chocolate chips and choose an ice cream flavor without a ton of chunks/big pieces if you're planning on using a funnel.

Blend everything together, top with an obscene amount of whipped cream, and then drink up every drop like the greedy piggy you are.

This shouldn't be something that you have to choke down; substitute and add whatever sickeningly sweet toppings and add-ons that you like until you become addicted to the taste. Play with the recipe, try adding maltodextrin or melted butter or a box of cake mix. Do anything and everything to make this shake as easy to add into your daily routine as possible.

Just the base of this shake alone without any add-ons should add up to be over 5,200 calories. Do you have any idea how fat you're going to get if you're adding an extra 5000+ calories on top of your already unhealthy/high calorie diet? Imagine if you blended in a couple of those add-ons. You'll be exploding with fat in no time.

Aww did you burst another button? Don't worry about that, I already bought you some new jeans. A few sizes bigger this time so you have room to grow. You're getting too big?

I know you said 400 was your limit but you said that at 300 and 250 too remember? We both know you're not going to lose any of the weight. You're too weak willed, too addicted aren't you?

Why even fight it? The last time you tried a diet you lost what, 5 pounds? 10? You were miserable the whole time. I can see you eyeing the fridge porky. Just give in already, you'll feel better after some heavy cream, you always do.

You don't want to use the funnel today? But you know how much it makes me happy. That's my girl. Just sit back while I pour thousands of calories down your throat. It's normal, healthy even. I know you've been struggling with the stairs recently but it's cute watching you get out of breath. I like when you're too tired to do anything. You're meant for this. All that working and thinking from a few years ago. Someone like you doesn't need to worry about all that.