loser ramblings
The past few weeks (like 5), I've had this irrational fear that my boyfriend is cheating on me. I have absolutely no reason to think this, my mind just keeps twisting all these little things into painting a picture that isn't there and I hate it.
The logical part of me acknowledges how insane this is. Given his past relationships, he wouldn't do that. Even that aside, he's not that kind of person. He just isn't. Everything loves him because he's genuinely a great person with too much integrity to fuck that all up.
He's been traveling for work the past two weeks. He's on the opposite side of the country so there's a time difference. We haven't been able to keep in contact as much as I'm used to.
He was at a conference all day today and then went out to dinner and drinks with my brother and my sister-in-law. Obviously he's going to be present in the moment and enjoy his last night in town. But it bothered me so much that he wasn't answering my texts for hours and we didn't get to say goodnight on the phone. He finally text me like 15 minutes ago saying he got back to his room and he's going to sleep.
I don't know. I wish I wasn't so paranoid. I wish I had more confidence, in myself and his love for me. I always feel inferior in all aspects of life. I brought my worrying up to him a few week ago and he went out of his way to make me feel better about the situation then. I just don't want to keep bothering him with it because obviously it will be tiresome and probably hurtful that, in a sense, I'm not fully trusting him.
I don't know why I decided to start using Tumblr again. I guess this is a healthy way to let shit out of my head.
