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we had the most fun wedding I could’ve dreamed up. a beautiful sunny day, I felt so chill and happy, the party walked out to “love her in the morning” by rising appalachia and I walked to heartbeats covered by jose gonzalez. it was the most beautiful and surreal moment looking out to our group, the light on everyone was golden bright. our officiant-friend did the best job and a dragonfly was perched on his book the whole time watching us, the food was perfect and we got countless compliments, the dance floor remained packed and lively all night, and my friends lifted me up as we danced to the chain as u can see here.

instaxes from the bach ! we also spent friday late afternoon, all day sunday, and monday morning at the beach!!

i feel so regulated after this trip. i had doubts about the bach trip the weekend before the wedding, but i'm glad i did it. i came back feeling so thankful for dave, missing him even, content, ready to do the whole wedding, less anxious about it being "perfect" or whatever because of all the reassurance i've received these last few days.

Sparkly mud caked gloves, a tree that got the best of me (couldn’t figure out how to safely remove it from the path but I did get a whole nother one removed and we’re making a sign to encourage ppl to go around it for now). And my LUNCH damn I worked up an appetite and I’m so glad we meal prepped bits and pieces effectively to make this bowl o food.

I’m feeling out of love with the forest… or maybe it’s just the carrying heavy equipment while hiking I am out of love with. Which is fun (type ii) with only two conditions - a crew to complain and joke with, and/or stunning surroundings that inspire awe and love for the natural world.. my scrap of woods by the highway that I have to hike uphill every way with one person asking me what to do next… is not it lol here I go w the negativity first thing, but like. I’m just saying. I see the issue. But maybe today will prove me wrong.

Spent a drizzly day at a local farm for a nature-based mindfulness workshop for environmental advocates, practitioners & educators. I arrived frazzled because roads were closed still from downed trees from the 4th of July storm, with my mind racing through work and wedding plans and anxious troubleshooting. At first I noticed my mind continuing to run through the meditations but somewhere around hour 3 I was able to settle and find a nicer voice with more self compassion. I dozed off a little during the post-lunch meditation that we were offered to take lying down, and honestly woke up feeling so nice and calm. As we closed I noticed so much more space and quiet. Being on the farm felt so so nice. The crews were working quietly together. The flowers and vegetables looked so abundant and bright from all the rain. Part of the anxiety that kept coming up for me today was the intense longing I felt being there, jealous honestly, of these people who get to come here everyday and learn and work together supporting the plants and growing food for our community.. I felt alone all over again and resentful of my stuck feeling in my org and the 1-1 structure of my on the ground “team” here. But towards the close of our meditation, our group leader shared a poem that alluded to seeing things as a negative actually being a bad habit. How easy it feels to spiral into negativity. I have to redirect myself a lot these days and say hey now hold on.. the message that resonated was “what if it’s all ok?” What if it was all going to go well, and I didn’t need to preemptively worry and despair. What if I could get into the habit of assuming the best? And if things get tough I’ll deal with it then and trust I’ll be capable to do so, so I don’t need to waste time worrying what if, because I got it… it was just such a restorative day and it always amazes me how simple mindfulness is-breathing in and out, observing what’s there, slowing down, sitting still- and yet it’s so effective. It’s the kind of thing I take for granted and imagine I’m doing much more often than I actually am. Like this deep diaphragmatic breathing workshop I took a few years ago where we did just that for like 30 minutes and I was thinking along the way oh is this all, isn’t there some secret thing or component to it that I wasn’t aware of, that’s going to blow my mind and be so effective, but then at the end I was so relaxed and that was just it, that was the practice, that is what delivers the wisdom, it really is so simple, it’s just a matter of making time for meditation and breathing and doing it. And sorry but not just for 10-20 minutes, but for hours, at least for me, to really feel the benefit because it takes me so long to settle in. I am so glad I went, with all that’s ahead in the next few weeks, I have a better sense of how to be present and support myself through things.

Made pizza with the new pizza stone and it came out good and accidentally ate all of it .

My friend’s mom’s apartment right on the Hudson… such a gorgeous view of the river