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I saw a job id be interested in nearby but it’s a 20k pay cut and then we wouldn’t have housing anymore… this is kinda the story for all the environmental conservation roles I’ve seen lately. This job really is a diamond in the rough. feel a tad trapped here.. we both admitted we basically hate this house and this place but the deal is too good to give up rn. One day we’ll leave though.

I watched so many replays of the knicks game last night.. honestly got goosebumps.. I don’t typically care about sports in general but the camaraderie over this is making me emotional. I actually have cried before at sports because of the roar of the stadium or like the pureness of the celebration of the team when they win lol. Also I feel excited about the World Cup and I wanna watch a match at our local English pub because it makes me feel international. NY pride I got but USA pride.. uhhh no.. I like that everyone else in the world loves soccer so much except our dum country

I NEED to go on a bike ride asap wtf it’s already June and I haven’t been at all 😭

omg another good thing today ive accomplished by actually doing my admin tasks and just making the calls. i found the perfect spot for our pre-wedding friday night welcome hang!!! casual and huge space and very flexible on the menu/bar situation. like we may do an open bar for two hours but we also may run a tab, or maybe give everyone a ticket for one drink on us and then on their own after. he said we dont have to buy any of the catering packages but instead can purchase a few apps and have them out for people to graze, and people can buy their own food if they want more to eat. but we made it 7-10 to not have to buy everyone dinner so like hopefully everyone gets it. im estimating this will run us under $2K which is amazing considering everywhere else had strict rules and requirements like anywhere from $25-40 per person (and some of these did not include drinks it was just for apps and using the space), and room fees ($250 avg) on top of an admin fee (10-20%), gratuity 20%, and state sales tax (8%ish). lol hudson valley wedding industryyy. and the guy was super nice and casual and "we do this all the time" energy. YAY

i also decided that i am getting some lite presents for the bachelorette which include a selection of hand dyed bandanas with cool unique prints from an etsy shop, in which i will bundle a packet of liquid iv, packet of advil, and an undereye mask. thanks!

wow so, coaching was actually very helpful. she noted a change in my demeanor from the start to the end of our session and i admitted i came in somewhat reluctantly, not feeling particularly ready to talk about the challenges im facing. but she really helped me through it and empowered me. i already did a thing i've been putting off because i didn't know how to start; she helped me figure out the process to start and take action. i also got assistance on how to share about a team strategy at a hike i have to co-lead next week with some of the executive team for our board of trustees...all "important" people who i don't exactly click with, but when it comes down to it we have goals in common. she helped me frame our work in a much more passionate, personal way rather than the list of metrics and success stories i thought i "had to" rattle off for this group. i have a renewed excitement about this hike next week. she also just affirmed that my job is crazy and weird and i do have a lot going on, and that sometimes it's hard to ask for help bc we don't want people to assume that we don't know what we're doing. but for some of my projects it is objectively true that i am still lacking information which is why it feels hard to jump in and start them. she brought up covey's quadrant which can be helpful for delegating/deciding what to do now too which i learned in management training.. so now i am more motivated to get the missing information instead of putting it off bc this is an actually important and nearing urgent thing. instead of doing my important but not so urgent yard work lol. yay. i still may cry at therapy though because i def almost cried on this zoom with this woman but i was able to rein it in and not go there rn in this somewhat professional setting.

lol i crashed so unexpectedly hard yesterday after my nice lil errands walk in the sun… took an hour long nap from 4-5 as soon as work was over and before that i was yawning nonstop. still feeling tired today but i slept in and am trying to shake it off.. have a coaching call at 11 and therapy at 4 so it’s a heavy day lmao i just wanna weed whack and mow my yard but i have to think & talk about my feelings ig

Just walking around a town I’m not usually in today running some municipal errands in a big loop.. post office, needed to get a copy of a police report from town hall for an incident that happened at one of my preserves, got an iced coffee and a sandwich at the cafe by the train station, walked over to the thrift store. Weather is perfect and sunny, everything is catching my eye and making me smile, funnily worded signs, everyone’s cute summer-just-started outfits. Lalalala walkable communities give me life I don’t want to live alone in the woods anymore!

I feel very meh about giving little gifts to my friends on my bachelorette trip. Is that lame. My love language is not gifts at all whatsoever. I’m planning the trip and booked it all and planning activities and making food.. also my friends are not fond of accumulating extra stuff, or ordering from Amazon, and probably don’t want me to be worry financially bc to get 10 people a quality gift is kind of going to break the bank here. Anyway idk. I don’t wanna but I feel some pressure.

I have one glass of wine and I’m sitting here tearing up at reels sending 100 reels to my friends and being a reply guy to everyone’s story.

Ahhhh I’m so tired and keep spiraling about wedding planning but realizing after 5 mins that I don’t have the mental energy to deal w it now and talking myself down off the ledge by reminding myself I will have renewed energy tomorrow and next week is very free and open and I should trust that I will do it then but then I forget that lil pep talk and spiral again. Ok ok anyway. Another episode of widows bay.