allie 💫

it was almost if he was waiting for the "right" person to say something that would make him decide that it was too much and everybody was right.

and it happens on a saturday night when you're out with friends. it's late, later than you usually stay out but Sid said it was no trouble to come pick you up. you've been so busy with work that it's been awhile since you've been out so you maybe had a few too many drinks. you're nowhere near blackout drunk but you fell into the social pressure of taking shots and they are usually what ends your night. so you text Sid that you're ready to be picked up and wait outside the bar with a couple of your friends.

one friend of a friend in particular is a little too handsy tonight, which is unusual because everybody in your friend group is respectful and you don't have to worry about those kind of situations. but maybe because you don't really know him, and for good reason, he doesn't know or just doesn't care that you're in a relationship. you're about to tell him that no, you're not interested in going home with him tonight when your best friend, Hannah, beats you to it.

"fuck off, Jeremy," she says, elbowing him out of the way and wrapping an arm around your shoulder, directing you away from him. he grumbles something under his breath that you can't hear but she gives him the finger and swears again.

"he's a fuck boy," she tells you when the two of you are away from him. "he's probably slept with all of Pennsylvania."

"i don't think that's possible," you laugh, letting her pull you into a warm hug. she’s been your best friend since you can remember and never judged your relationship with Sid, unlike some of your friends.

“it is,” she mumbles and then presses a kiss to your cheek before pulling away. “your uber is here.”

you look to see Sid just getting out of his truck, and for a second you worry that he saw Jeremy hitting on you. it wouldn’t matter, because you clearly weren’t interested and would never cheat but you’re always worried he’s going to get the thoughts in his head that you should be with someone closer to your age. he’s voiced them before, in the very beginning on your relationship but hasn’t brought it up since then.

“hey,” he says as he approaches you, hands in his pockets and looking out of place. his eyes are darting around, looking at your friends and you can see the moment that something in him shifts.

“ready to go home?” he asks, offering a hand to you which you accept after bidding hannah a goodbye with promises to get coffee soon.

you can hear some booing coming from the group at your early departure but you ignore it. clearly Sid doesn’t because his shoulders tense but you drag him to the truck before they say anything else.

but it bothers him the entire drive home because he barely says a word to you besides asking if you want the heat turned up. so you’re understandably pissed off by the time you get home and confront him the moment the front door closes.

“what’s your problem?” you demand and maybe it’s partly because of the alcohol that’s making you so forward and angry but you can’t help it.

he ignores you at first, shrugging off his jacket and hanging it up. you follow him into the kitchen where he pours a glass of water and digs a granola bar out of the cupboard, handing them to you.

crossing your arms, you ignore his offering and he sighs, placing them too gently on the island.

you realize that you’re standing on one side and he’s on the other and it adds a physical barrier to your already mental one.

“sometimes i just think that maybe you should be with someone closer to your age. like maybe i am holding you back from being able to enjoy your youth and have fun.”

his words don’t register at first and your half drunk brain thinks, this is a conversation we should have sober, but you can’t. you have to have it now, because you know you’ll just spiral if you don’t.

“you’re joking, right?” you say, blinking back drunken tears. if he’s planning on breaking up with you right now, the last thing you’ll do is cry.

“i’ve just been doing some thinking-” he begins but you cut him off.

“oh, you’ve been thinking,” you scoff. “because your thoughts are the only ones that matter in this relationship.”

he sighs in frustration. “don’t put words in my mouth. that’s not what i meant.”

“do you really think i would stay in this relationship if i didn’t want you? when are you going to get it through that thick skull of yours that i love you, you idiot!” you snap, suddenly so frustrated because damn everybody who made him feel like this. all the comments from friends and family about the age gap. you knew that one day it was going to cause a problem.

he looks at the floor, quiet for a moment before he looks at you. there’s hesitation in his eyes that you wish you could erase from his mind.

“i know you don’t understand, but i just worry that one day you’re going to look back and realize you wasted your time on an old man.”

“jesus Sidney. you’re thirty-eight, not eighty-three! you don’t even qualify for senior discount yet.”

that brings a small smile to his face but you know this isn’t the last time he’s going to have doubts like this. people are always going to have opinions on your relationship and you know that eventually, they won’t bother him as much.

for the time being, you’ll do your best to convince him to ignore them like you do and hopefully that will be enough.

so when you make your way to him, he doesn’t hesitate when you wrap your arms around him and he kisses the top of your head.

“why does your hair smell like vodka?” he mumbles and you can’t help but laugh.