Bi-Bi, Lesbian

[ ArtFight 2026 ] [5] Chimeric Deity

When I was a kid, I always complained about how I didn’t have rights and how I wasn’t allowed to ever make my own decisions. I had “therapists” who forced me to do things that hurt me and told my parents they couldn’t pick me up yet because I was crying and if I got to leave without calming down it would just make me Worse. They used their titles as “Experts” as leverage to abuse me, and my parents went along with it because surely an Expert would know better than a kid. I wasn’t allowed to say “I don’t want to see her anymore.”

When I was a kid, there was a Jewish girl who was allergic to everything. And I mean everything. Wheat, dairy, fish, shellfish, nuts, corn, certain food colorings, and more. One day, around Hanukkah, she brought homemade latkes for everyone to try. She loved them because they were part of her culture, but also because they were one of the only things she could eat without any worries. I remember how many kids made fun of the “weird name”, or called them gross even when they loved the awful fries the cafeteria served. She moved away that year.

If you go without it you feel unwell in a way that you never usually feel unwell. Sweating, tired, sleepy, headaches, irritable, depressed, etc. For example when I was in opium withdrawal I got incredibly depressed in a way that I’ve never been before or since. When you quit caffeine you might get super bad headaches even if you never usually get any headaches.

Thoughts of it regularly bother you and the thoughts go away once you’ve taken it but only temporarily. Unlike with a food craving which usually stays away once you’ve satisfied it or distracted yourself from it.

You find yourself rationalizing with yourself why you should break your own rules about how much you can take and how often. For example you might only let yourself drink alcohol every four days but start thinking that three days is actually close enough to four days, right? Especially if this happens regularly.

You’re using it so often that you feel the need to lie about how much you use because other people might think it’s concerning

If the substance or activity is nearby it’s genuinely difficult to not consume it or participate in it in a way that’s really frustrating.

You feel bad when you’re not on it and your brain tells you “if you just take the thing you wouldn’t feel this way”

You can only feel “whole” or “normal” when you’re on a substance even though it’s a recreational drug