One thing I think over a lot, in kind of the space between kink and disability (I’m physically disabled, don’t mention it a lot) is our social fixation on controlling others through the lens, or by the excuse of, bodily integrity.
It’s the same space that is also taken up by people who dislike tattoos, fatness, body modification, being transgender, taking life altering medication, and even smaller things such hair dyes and drastic hair cuts. Similarly it is the same thing that drives people to make socially acceptable body modifications such as Botox and plastic surgery to remain looking young.
And as someone who’s had to face inevitable change and degradation of the body, and the idea it might change for the worse at any time, it’s an idea that I’ve been kind of forced to think about. And honestly I do see it as an extension of the bodily autonomy debate. Our bodies will inevitably break down and die at some point. There is no way to prevent that. Why is it wrong to take risks with your own body if you’re of sound mind and decide to do so? And why is our opposition to those things so hypocritical?
Why is it self harm to want to be spanked by a dom/me, but not self harm to drink a few glasses of wine? Why is it mutilation to get bottom surgery but not to circumcise? Or to give birth for that matter, as that can also permanently injure your genitals. Why do you eat bacon every morning for breakfast if it increases risk of clogged arteries?
I’m not sure if it’s a modern thing, if it’s only a thing in certain countries (definitely is in America) or if it’s just purely instinctual. And that doesn’t matter to me frankly, even if it is instinct we are able to reflect and rise above, and should be able to think critically about the consequences of restricting bodily autonomy based on emotional reaction and not off of genuine safety and mortality statistics. If we were actually impartially judgmental people would be a lot more disgusted by motorcyclists and guns than they were about people who like impact play.
I haven’t been able to watch the documentary yet but I’ve read people expound on the film “Sick: The Life and Death of Bob Flanagan, Supermasochist” and researched him myself. He was slowly dying because of cystic fibrosis, and took charge of his own life and mortality by engaging in risky masochistic practices including genital torture.
At first glance this seems horrifying and perhaps like the behavior of a mentally ill man but when you look at how he talks about his life and his motivations it begins to make sense. My condition isn’t fatal (that I know of) but I can relate to being in constant pain and finding sadomasochism a way to deal with that pain. Chronic pain doesn’t release endorphins the way the pain of working out or sexually gratified pain does. It’s just a constant grinding state of misery. If I’m going to be in pain either way, does it not make sense that I’d choose the one that would naturally cause pain relief? The one that also lightens the mental burden, because chronic pain has a tendency to make you contemplate the worst. I’d argue it’s the opposite of self harm (and side note I’d also argue that we don’t treat real self harm well at all).
Mortality will come to all of us whether we want to or not. Change will happen to you whether you want it or not. If life is a glass of water I don’t intend to meet my grave with it still full to the brim. I intend to pour it out as much as I can and meet the end of my life worn out by living but satisfied. I don’t see the purpose of dying a pretty corpse just to be eaten away by beetles the same as everyone else ever has.
I’m not trying to make a point here that you must agree with me, or say that things aren’t dangerous which are. What I want is for people to spend more time and thought on the topic, and examine why they might have such a knee jerk reaction to some things. This is mostly just a half-baked ramble of a philosophy I haven’t been able to adequately define yet.