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imessage 💬 lauren & sue.

something tells me you need a coffee. pronto. it's either that or something a lot stronger. honestly, i keep my apartment stocked at ALL times just in case of a rage filled emergency - and this sounds like JUST the emergency for you.

i don't drink coffee. i get my morning energy from sue's shakes - patent-pending.

I'm gonna be as vague as I can, but....where are you getting it from?

my drive? my ambition? the trophies lining my shelves from my numerous victories? you're going to have to be more specific if you want an answer to your question, kid.

Duh, aren't you?

seeing as i have less than zero interest in seeing people's toes, no, can't say i am. open-toed shoes were invented by a sociopath. ...murder and flip-flops probably go hand-in-hand in more ways than one, now that i think about it.

ok but imagine being crucified, rising from the dead, and then seeing a flash mob in 2025. like... i’d ascend immediately. rip.

global warming is a punishment for the crimes caused by the invention of karaoke. and personally, i think that's justified.

worse!! it was in a small town in ohio.

good lord, how are you still alive?

how boring and uninspired of you.

inspiration comes in all forms, lady farquaad. for example, you've inspired me to make sure i take a lady out on an evening date before marrying her, so i don't get consumed by her pet dragon at our wedding.

Then you clearly didn't do your research, and that's on you, and no one else. Spotlight has long been known for its singing waitstaff.

research? it's lunch at a restaurant, not an essay on the cons and cons of teenage pregnancy.

A flash mob? In the year 2025? I never thought I'd see one of those again. I am begging you to tell me the location of this musical oasis.

and i never thought i'd see live action glenn quagmire, but here he is in my mentions, so where does that leave us?

FLASH MOBS????? again? no, i barely survived the first time it happened. that kind of thing was even happening in schools. and remember the lip dub trend? they tried to make us do one of those in school...i was just like, this seems illegal and no i will not be on the internet lip synching to the worst song ever created, creeps.

they did what? where was your school, guantanamo bay?

a flashmob? i feel like i haven't seen one of those in ages. where was it? and um... i hope you still had a good easter weekend, or at least a peaceful rest of your sunday.

if i tell you, are you going to help me put a stop to it? i can handle it myself, but i could always use some back up or someone to pin it all on in case things go haywire. ...maybe that middle schooler with the candy bars was onto something, and i should start a cult.

Do you have a problem with musical wonderment? A problem with whimsy?

yes.

Dude, a flashmob? Where? I love a flashmob. I can't imagine anything more embarrassing than, like, a flashmob marriage proposal or whatever, but they're so cool to see as an onlooker.

are you also a big fan of murder and flip-flop sandals?

And I thought /i/ was intense, but apparently not enough. Tell me, did your complaining change the world the way you like it? You still have a chance to quickly delete this and save yourself any embarrassment.

you think that's intense? try being an alien disguised as dog that's adopted by a lonely girl and her older sister while you're trying to avoid imprisonment back on your home planet. that's intense. this is just a post on the internet.