☁️🌈NYAN🌈☁️

I am having so many creative ideas for @pinsgame. The settings, symbols/motifs, and some scenes are really coming together. I am fleshing out all the characters. I am figuring out all of their themes and roles in the story. I am refining their designs to reflect these elements. I really love how Pin, my villain, is coming out. I even slightly redesigned the logo to reflect its symbolic significance more. I can’t wait to share more of this world with everyone. It is my everything. I wish school and life wasn’t fucking me right now. I would dedicate my life to this story if I could.

I think I fell for the same trick again and I feel so foolish and back to square one. But it feels even worse this time because it felt like my last hope. And now I just feel alone, having to work on myself, finishing school, finding a job, and moving out before I can even consider a romantic relationship. I really just don’t get how people can flirt with someone as they would a romantic partner for months, say so many things that get you more hopeful for the future. Only for it to mean nothing. Or it does mean something, but not what you thought it meant. I’m so tired of being someone’s addition to a collection. Another number to them. Another plate on the dinner table they can grab from. For once, I want to be someone’s priority. I want to be someone’s special someone. I hate that romance is such a sensitive topic for me. So many of my friends are in romantic relationships. How can people have such great love lives while I keep fucking it up. Whatever. There’s people struggling with terminal cancer. There’s people in crippling debt worrying about how they’re going to make rent or other payments. My love life is silly in a grand scheme of things. Doesn’t mean I can’t be depressed about it and post about it on tumblr. Whatever, I’m going to go get a boba and draw my OCs.

It's Oneiro btw I just rebranded again for the millionth time like the fat chud I am

How dare Battenna not get a pink ship tag

I wanna CREATE!!!! I hate that so much of my energy is spent on school and surviving 😭 I wanna make art all the time. I wanna make ocs. I wanna make stories. I hate when I get so many good ideas for art and characters, but then I get too tired or too busy and they never come to fruition and months go by and my motivation dwindles. There’s so much I’ve wanted to create in the past and it leaves me feeling unfulfilled now. I sometimes wonder if pursuing an art degree would have been a better choice instead of trapping myself in a STEM major, but I also worry it would make me hate art. It’s just so funny having notebooks for these difficult math and coding classes filled with doodles of oc ideas, art thumbnails, and anything else bringing me comfort or in my mind. And it’s just like, wow, this is what I wish I was doing. But I try not to lose hope, I try to hold on for the future. Even if I’m slow or can’t bring every idea to life, I will try to keep creating as long as I live. Because even creating some things is better than creating nothing!