“don’t, ny.” he says it through a sigh, almost tired. maybe he was, after everything, it truly felt like he hadn’t slept since the incident. his mind racing with the how, why, and what of it all. why them? how could this happen? what did he do wrong? was there more he could’ve done? could this have been prevented. regardless of the constant stream of ‘this isn’t your fault’, this happens to a lot of women’, ‘there isn’t anything you could’ve done differently’, he still felt that to be a lie. it was his karma, and there was no end to the guilt that kept such a firm hold of him. 

he’s here, he wants to be here. here wherever she is, where he can help her through this if that’s what she wanted. he wanted to give her everything she’d possibly want. though, he knew, the one thing she truly wanted he might not be able to give to her. “i always come back.” he says, small, like he’s not allowed to say it at all, but insisted. and, it’s true. there wasn’t a force in the world that could possibly keep him from her. he doesn’t want her irritation though, and maybe it’s selfish of him to think that maybe he doesn’t deserve that. he refuses, however, to rise to that occasion. “listen,” he sighs as he crosses the room, unsure if he’s even allowed to close the miles between them. 

“i recognize that you can take care of yourself. of course you can, you’re an adult.” he nods, sitting at the foot of the bed across from her, hands resting at his sides, though acing to reach out to his wife. “it’s just - you shouldn’t have to. i do want to go, i think it might be good for us to get some space from this place, just for a day or two. just to separate ourselves from this loss.” shrugging his shoulders as if to suggest he’s blasé about the entire concept. “it’s just, you’re not fine. i can’t entertain that notion. you’re not fine. it’s not fine. i just - i want to help, ny.” 

there’s a distinctive softness found upon her features. she watches nixon carefully, allowing him to slowly close the uncomfortable distance between them. for a second, she’s herself again. she wants to reach out to him, to hold him close, to stop being aloof but arms stay wrapped around her own frame. with a slow nod of her head, nyala finally breaks the silence on her end. “i know,” she breathes, voice almost as small as his. the truth is he always come back home. he always comes back to her. “i know you do. another reason why it isn’t a big deal.”

she doesn’t want to start an argument but frustration is at an all time high. despite trying to lead him astray, nixon remains adamant. it’s moments like these reminding her that he can be just as stubborn. a deep sigh escapes from her, tired of talking. she’s almost tempted to give in and give him what he wants; biting the inside of cheek, her gaze shifts to her husband. “nix, you’re not listening to me. i really don’t wanna do this.” she says, tilting her head and narrowing her eyes. “i’m done talking about it.”

she’s just so different from the person she was two weeks ago. there was a light behind her, there was a happiness that exuded her. it was something they’d hoped for, to finally be happy. they knew they deserved it. they did - after everything, they deserved it. she deserved the exuding happiness and he deserved to see it. he wanted nothing more than to see his wife in a better state, a place where she was getting everything she wanted. a place where she was getting everything she deserved. it’s not ideal, it’s not even fair that they’re not in a happier spot. that after everything, they still can’t have anything good in their lives. they still can’t hold on to anything before it’s just as swiftly taken from them. 

this was supposed to be the start of their family. this was supposed to be a turning point. this was supposed to be good. he can’t quite wrap his head around it, if he’s honest. that there’s nothing now. that everything they’d been looking forward too had been swept away without so much of a warning. hand to heart, he’d do anything to change the last two weeks. he’d give anything - he’d take anything back, whatever it took. because she deserved this, she wanted this, and give anything to give it back to her. that was the worst part - that he couldn’t do anything to change what happened. he felt absolutely helpless, completely helpless. he hated this feeling, like he could do anything but none of it mattered. this still would’ve happened, she’d still be distant, and he’d still be the awful husband that didn’t know how to handle it. 

he didn’t want to make this about him. he didn’t want to consume her with his own thoughts. all he really wanted, was to be inside her head. to be amongst her thoughts, so he never had to wonder what exactly she was thinking. he takes a deep breath, his shoulders falling slightly as he listened to her. “you’re right. it won’t change anything.” he agrees, his fingers fiddling with each other nervously, a tell he couldn’t quite break. “i’m not leaving you here. i want you to come with me. it’s not going to fix it, nothing could, but it could take your mind off of it. get you thinking about something else. be brighter - i don’t know. i just - i want to take it away, ny. you may not want that - but, i just want to take you from this.” 

she has accepted this reality. nothing can fix this weight, this feeling, this despair. at least they’re both aware of that. although knowing that fact fails to make her feel any better or make this hurt any less. nyala recognizes this isn’t easy for him either, especially while having to deal with her like this. for the last two weeks, she felt like nothing but a disappointment — to him, to herself. she doesn’t want to disappoint him again, but she’d rather stay here. for what? she doesn’t even really know. maybe she’s still clinging onto the idea. after a moment, the girl takes a deep breath, bringing her knees closer to her chest.

“nix, please. i’m tellin’ you, it’s not gonna work.” she swallows thickly to hopefully stop a lump from forming. “even if we do leave, drive something, go anywhere, it’s not gonna take my mind off things. nothing is gonna take my mind off of it, okay? i can’t just turn this shit off. if i could, i would’ve already.” she expels another sigh, words leaving her like a whirlwind. frustrated, she pinches the bridge of her nose. she doesn’t want to leave. she doesn’t want to talk about this anymore. not right now. there’s no point. there’s no point to any of this. what she really wants is unattainable now.

her irritation quickly overtakes her sadness. “you’ve left before. remember?” she adds finally, glancing over at him. though it’s becoming more and more difficult to ignore the discontent in his eyes. something nyala has seen a lot of lately. why would he want to be around her? surely, she is to blame for that. with a small scoff, she shakes her head. “if you want to go, just go. i’ll be fine. i can handle myself.”

( * &. nothing else i could do. * ) 016!

he shouldn’t have gotten so attached to just the idea of it. he shouldn’t have let just the mere thought consumed him. it seemed like things were starting to finally get good. and, he let himself believe that. that finally the pair was getting something good for themselves. god, they were so excited. they wanted this so badly. maybe he wanted it too badly. something so good for them, a family. one that actually was founded in love. that something good could finally come from him. maybe he wanted it too badly, maybe he jinxed them. of course he did. he could never be good, he could never have something good. he was founded in bad, it only made sense that he rotted everything from the inside out. he shouldn’t have wanted this that badly. 

everything had become so difficult after. not that that’s not expected, they had lost. like, actual loss. something they weren’t expecting, obviously. they were grieving, but so privately because it’s not like anyone knew. they didn’t want to jinx anything - which seems like a sick joke now in hindsight. he wanted to just reverse time now, tell them to not even try - cause, what was the point if this could be the outcome. what was it all for, if they could end up with nothing but distance from each other at the end of this. because, he did feel like she had become so distant from him after. but, could he really blame her? how do you carry on after something so awful. he’d let her be distant if that was what she needed. he’d give her anything she needed. 

being at home felt different now. there wasn’t the same energy there. he didn’t feel the same here anymore, it felt colder. he had made them both take a few days off work, both of them staying here in the mess of it the last few days. he had really no reason to but to watch over her, but there was a part of him that felt like she didn’t even want him there. maybe he didn’t even want to be there. “ny,” walking into their shared room, leaning against the door frame as his arms crossed over his chest. “what would you say if i asked to get out of here. like a few days. just leave. we could just drive.” he continued as he walked into their room. with a sigh he plopped down on the mattress beside her. “just a little escape before we go back to work. or i do, at least.” 

this wasn’t in their cards. this wasn’t supposed to happen. they were supposed to happy, raising their family together. now, it’s as if the rug has been pulled from underneath them — a cruel joke from the universe. perhaps she shouldn’t have allowed her hopes to become so high. perhaps this is all her fault to begin with. nyala isn’t sure what to think anymore; she can’t help but blame everyone and everything including herself. she doesn’t want their dream of a family to vanish, but how are they supposed to move past this? will she ever be able to give them what they both want? is all hope lost? ever since that day, these questions stayed in her mind.

nyala has experienced loss before. yet, it feels different this time, weighing heavily on her fragile heart. of course they’ll have to handle the grieving in their own way. though she has never been the best at dealing with such intense emotions, emotions that surprise even her every now and again. lately, there have been more terrible days compared to good days. she has been distant, not on purpose, while coming to terms. this is something she wanted so badly only to be left with nothing. it isn’t fair. nothing about this is fair. home doesn’t feel like home anymore. even during their days off, their surroundings exude sorrow. a part of her is trying to be strong for them but the other part is tired of trying.

the sound of nixon’s voice interrupts a jumbled mess of thoughts. an escape sounds tempting but she doubts it’ll change how she feels. as much as she’d like to take her mind off things, as much as she’d want to travel somewhere far from here, it seems so trivial. but she understands he doesn’t want to be around here focusing on something so negative. “i’d say...” her voice trails off before taking a deep sigh. nyala shifts slightly, glancing over at him for a second. “i’d say if you really want to leave nix, you can.” a drive would be a temporary fix. this is clearly what he wants, but she doesn’t have much motivation to do anything. not like before. “i just don’t see the point in going. running away isn’t going to fix anything. it never does,” she adds then bites the inside of her left cheek. her gaze shifts from him before continuing. “i’m staying home. but since you want to leave, go for it. don’t let me hold you back.”

they have time. we have time. an easy reminder that escapes easily from her lips, sounds so comforting in the space between them. “you’ll be their mother, ny. i’ll come at an easy second.” lips pulled into a smile, a comfortable smile, as his fingers tuck her hair behind her ear. her touch sends a familiar shiver up his spine, a feeling he knows he’ll never tire of. he holds her face in his hand gently, lips moving with hers in perfect rhythm. his lips pressing to her cheek as she pulled away, continuing down her neck. humming in his agreement, eyes opening to watch her carefully, careful hands lift her shirt to expose skin. “we could. practice makes perfect, right?” mumbled against her ear, a soft chuckle follows swiftly as teeth take her lobe between them. pulling back from her just an inch just so careful hands pull the fabric from her body. hands move swiftly down her body, pushing her to rest against the counter behind her. 

nyala hums in agreement as a familiar shiver runs down her spine. the way he touches her, the way he kisses makes her incredibly weak but this new position allows her to return the favor. as her shirt is removed, a small and breathy laugh escapes. due to exposed skin, they are so close to being together fully without separation or barriers. she’s eager but wants to enjoy this moment, too; she leans in to kiss him with fervor, a smile gracing her features, before biting on his bottom lip as she pulls away. “so i’ve been told,“ she breathes after a soft laugh. she continues the journey from his cheek to his jawline to his neck to leave a mark only to capture his lips again. a free hand explores to feel the warmth of his skin against her palms — like she hadn’t memorized every part of him already. it travels lower until it met the fabric of his boxers. she moves back an inch to slide her hand between their bodies, ghosting over his lips while stroking his length. her movements are slow and careful as if to make this last.

he settles into his spot with a sigh, the corners of his mouth turning up into a smile. he feels comfort in the fact that she sees him as the kind of man that could show up for his family when the time came. of course it’s a tranquil vision. of course he could see it. maybe moving away from the city, finally having a peaceful moment without past incidents and weighing negative voices chiming he’s not enough for whatever they’ve created. his eyebrows furrow, head shakes in contempt as he lets out a laugh that sounds more like a scoff. “i could never see you being anything but the best mother.” his hands easily come to take her head in his hands, like a muscle memory. 

his eyes lock on hers, his lips lifting into a smile. “ny, you’re so patient, kind, i mean we’re only here because of you. you’d give our kid the best life. you’d be their favorite. i mean, you’re already my favorite.” his shoulders shrug, a smug grin pulling at lips as his hands fall to her waist. “i love you so much, ny. i know it’s a harrowing thought. i mean, who are we to be someone’s parents right now.” he laughs, his head shakes before he presses his lips against her forehead. “we have time.” he said definitively, giving her a wink before he presses his lips to hers in a soft kiss. “but, i mean we could always start practicing.” 

the best mother. a sense of comfort and relief overwhelms her. if he believes that, she can learn to believe it too, even if it’s not right away; of course, that’s exactly what she wants. she wants to be the mother she wished she had growing up. his words of reassurance allow her features to soften drastically. “nixon,” she whispers as a content sigh escapes pass lips. “you’re my favorite. you’ll always be my favorite. i don’t doubt you’ll be our kid’s favorite, too.” hopefully, he’ll see that someday. “we have time,” she repeats. the phrase makes her feel more at ease. it’s more than enough for right now.

nyala hums only to fight the smirk threatening to grow over her features. “practicing couldn’t hurt. besides, practice makes perfect,” she points out with a small laugh. though, she doesn’t want to think anymore; she just wants to pour all into being with him, into being present in this moment. a hand runs up his skin, familiar with every part of his body now, before resting against the back of his neck. she pulls him closer, lips immediately connecting with his. this kiss is soft and deep and slow because they have time. they have time to plan their future together. after pulling away, she stares into his gaze with a love reserved for him. “we could start now.”

it’s difficult to imagine himself as a father figure. he’s hardly one to exemplify. he couldn’t imagine himself throwing a ball around with his son, or being the loudest voice in the room for his daughters dance recitals, teaching them his simplest passions, or being the father he had wished he had. it’s difficult to imagine himself as anyone’s father. though, to be fair, it was difficult for him to imagine himself as anyone’s husband and he’s quite taken with that role. sure, there was always a part of him that wanted those things, a small part that wanted to make traditions for, to show up for, to prove himself and his bloodline so wrong, though he never thought there would be a time in his life where that would present itself. never thought he’d be in his kitchen someday, discussing when the right time would be to think about starting a family. 

“i-” starting before he cleared his throat. exhaling as he scratched at his arm before his eyes found the woman across from him. “i just, i am worried.” he confessed, offering a small, wavering smile. “i mean, ny, i want nothing more than to give you everything you want. you know that. i just - i’m not sure i could be a good father. or, i mean, i want to be. i just -” pausing to let out a small scoff before he decided to go on. “i feel like the odds are against me. and, i don’t know. maybe, when the time comes, i’ll be fine, i just can’t seem to wrap my head around being a dad right now, you know? i just, you know, barely got clean and what if i relapsed and gave the little guy the same childhood i had?” 

silence settles as if she’s trying to decipher his words. she exhales softly, like finally releasing a breath that has been held, looking down and nodding her head — not because she agrees with him, but she agrees to disagree. no matter the reason, though, nyala will discover a better one to argue against his worries despite having anxieties of her own. she’s okay with that; she’s okay with proving him wrong. in the end, she understands. as eyes lock, she speaks again. “i’m not worried,” she says simply with a shrug. there was no question about marrying him, and there’s no question about starting a family with him either. he’s already an amazing husband. he’ll be an amazing father, too. “i don’t think that’ll happen. i know you’ll be a great dad. like you said, you’d do anything for me. i know you’d do the same for our kids.”

honestly, nyala can’t picture herself as a parent this very moment either, but she’ll wish for it. one day. “i just hope i don’t end up like my mother. i don’t want to be... cold or heartless like her,” she confesses with a scoff then grasps the surface tighter. after a pause, a reassuring smile returns on her lips. “i know it’s a lot. i’m just... i’m just thinking out loud.” the girl swallows thickly before jumping down from the countertop, closing the distance between them. she quickly presses a kiss to his cheek. “i love you. i love where we’re at right now. we’ll just cross that bridge if we get to it.”

his eyebrows raise in question as he watches her down the coffee he’d just poured for her. “should i put on a new pot?” laughing behind the brim of his own mug, a quick laugh falling from his lips as he continued to sip. his arms cross over his chest as he listens carefully to the girl sitting in front of him, nodding slowly to her words. the imagery her words were painting for him was something that he’d found himself thinking of occasionally. of course he’d thought of starting a family, of course he wanted that for them. though, there was always something that put him off. what if he wouldn’t be a good dad? what if he was just like his parents? what would it do to them if he couldn’t be the guy he wanted him to be - the guy she needed him to be. 

“nothing too crazy.” he repeats as he laughs, feigning stress as he rakes his hand through his hair, keeping his hand planted against his scalp. “i don’t know,” shrugging as his hands held onto the granite of the counter top, tilting his head onto his shoulder as he watched the woman so carefully. “it doesn’t sound cliche when you say it.” pursing his lips as he continued. “i mean, ny, i - like, think about it often too. like, what it would be like if we were, you know, like,” stumbling over his words as the thought about what it would be like to be in the place she’s describing. “if we were parents. like, what it would mean for us. what kind of people we’d be. how much of our life would change because of it. i don’t know, of course i want that. of course i do.” fingers fidgeting with the fabric of his boxers, a nervous tell. 

nyala couldn’t help but wonder what type of parent she’d become: one like her father or one like her mother. only one option is acceptable for her, but there’s still an underlying fear. in spite of that, she remains hopeful — about their future, about them as parents. starting a family would change everything. she’s more than aware of that, but she’s not too concerned. gnawing at the inside of her cheek, she listens intently, slowing nodding her head. “yeah, definitely would be a huge lifestyle change,” she muses mostly to herself, imagining the possibilities. a glance then drops to the empty mug before setting it aside. when gripping the counter edge, she extends a sympathetic smile. 

“you sound worried,” she speaks almost matter-a-factly. besides his nervous tell, there's a hint of something else within his tone. so, she’ll use the opportunity to take advantage, to hear his view on things. “i’m not trying to rush into anything. it’s just been on my mind, i guess. i don’t know. it just sounds... nice.” the girl insists, offering a bit of solace. they’re in a really good place. and like nixon said, they’ve already done so much in a short amount of time. she’ll pause to take a deep breath, stomach a knot of nerves, before exhaling. “nix, what are you really thinking?” with her head titled, she asks him calmly. a gentle smile still present on her lips. “tell me what’s on your mind.”

his attention dropping briefly to where he was holding her hand, the gold of her ring cold against where it hit his own hand. the sight of her in his ring, on his counter, in his shirt, being his wife, it was intoxicating on it’s own. the thought of being able to do this every morning with her, being able to spend his days just consumed with her - it’d never get old. and, if he was going to be stuck with anyone he was glad it was her. “i know,” he nods, lip sliding between his teeth as he let the imagery of it take over. them, back on that balcony in paris, walking down cobblestone streets, having lunches by the seine, both of them grey with age. it didn’t sound like too horrible an idea. “i’m just missing it a little bit, i think. felt so creative, and happy, there. i think i never wanted to come home.” his shoulders shrugging, wetting brims, relaxing into the woman’s hold. 

“oh, i only dream of you, ny.” pressing his lips to her temple quickly, a soft chuckle muffled against her skin. he pressed another soft kiss to her cheek before he released her hands and reached for his cup, finishing off the caffeine he’d already had before he worked to fill up his glass, topping the girl off while he was at it. he leaned against the counter opposite of the girl, smiling behind the glass he was sipping on now. “yeah,” nodding along as his hands crossed over his chest, eyebrow cocking slightly as he considered. “we’ve already been through a lot, recently.” laughing as he said it, meeting her eyes. “dunno how much more we can do this year.” fingers tapping softly against his arm as he kept his gaze. “but what is that beautiful subconscious of yours dreaming of pertaining to our future, ny. tell me all about it.” 

despite her words, nyala misses everything about their honeymoon, too. it just felt like an entirely different world compared to the hustle and bustle of new york city, but she’ll be happy anywhere as long as nixon’s by her side. “trust me, i know what you mean.” those reminiscences of those early days in paris spreads the gentle smile painted across features, even when the other pulls away. grabbing the edge of the counter, she quickly adjusts her position, throwing one leg over the other. she pauses to quietly thank him before taking a few sips much needed caffeine then nearly finishes the whole thing. biting down on her bottom lip, her gaze drops to the mug within her grasp.

nyala’s silent for a moment, debating on whether or not to tell him — and how much to tell him. the truth is: she has been dreaming about this for a while. “it’s nothing too crazy, i promise,” the girl laughs softly, eyes drifting elsewhere as she imagines it. “uh, it’s usually us starting a family together, like we always wanted. figuring out what to do and what not to do. watching our child grow up. family dinners. family trips... y’know, that kinda thing,” she admits, watching his eyes, trying to piece what’s going on in his mind. with a small shrug, her lips rub together. she used to always be indifferent towards the idea — until now. it doesn’t sound so bad, especially since she never had that. “yeah, it’s stuff like that. i dunno, i guess it’s kinda cliche saying it out loud.”  there’s another pause to finish her coffee, awaiting his response.

it’s hard for him to imagine a life outside of this one, one where he didn’t wake up next to this woman in front of him. one where he didn’t feel this warmth every second he was around her. a feeling he’d grown so comfortable in, it’s hard to imagine there was a time in his life when he didn’t have it. it had changed so much, the energy they had together from when they were just living together till just now. having gone though it all, it’s made him realize just how much he only wants to be here - or, rather, wherever she was. “well, that’s kinda good news. i sleep shit without you, too. how lucky is that.” he said with a shrug of his shoulders, a smile seemingly stayed permanently painted across his lips, most likely his permanent state around nyala. “can’t get away from me even in your subconscious. you’re stuck with me.” 

humming softly at her admission, nodding along to the memory of their honeymoon. he’d never felt more at peace than when he was traveling to places he’d only dreamt of before with a woman he would’ve never dreamt would want to be with him. “i don’t know,” shrugging softly, his hand moving until their hands were intertwined. “i wouldn’t mind doubling the jet lag to be back there. maybe we could’ve found an apartment or something and just hid out there. drinking champagne and eating macaroons and pain au chocolat.” laughing as he feigned a french accent. though, he couldn’t help but mostly agree. paris was good for them, but finding normality again, home together again, it was what they needed. though, they still found room for a honeymoon phase here, in their home. taking her free hand in his, trying to recall what exactly he’d been dreaming of that night before. “i don’t know. i rarely remember what i dream about. it was probably of you, though.” 

with a content sigh, nyala will nod in agreement as a gentle smile spreads across lips. she would easily acknowledge the fact, easily admit without thinking how embedded nixon is within her life. he is so ingrained in every aspect, but this is everything she ever wanted. this stills feels like a dream in itself. “i guess i am stuck with you, babe,” a soft laugh escapes, shaking her head. “i don’t really mind, i’m not done with you just yet,” the girl teases while her gaze lingers, her legs wrapped around his waist tugging him a bit closer. when she continues, her voice is quieter yet an amused expression stays settled upon features. “well, luckily for you, you’re stuck with me, too. you couldn’t get rid of me even if you tried.”

there’s a pause to allow fingers to intertwine. she doesn’t stop him, only listening and nodding slowly to his response. she hums, her head tilting to the side. “you say that like we’ll never go back. we could always find another place eventually. maybe we can retire there when we’re old and gray and not entirely sick of each other.” she grins back at him, shrugging her shoulders before briefly glancing down at their hands. the words are offered as teasing, but it’s a genuine thought she has. nyala is already looking forward to those days. “we could drink champagne, eat macaroons, and work on our french here until then, monsieur. we have time.” she replies in a insincere accent, just like nixon did moments ago. “it better have been about me.” a gentler smile is given, lightly squeezing his hand. “i dunno, i’ve been dreamin’ more about our future lately. i guess i’m excited to see where we end up.”

an easy sigh is released as he reaches for two mugs, setting them aside as he powers on the coffee pot, relaxing against the counter for a moment as the caffeine starts dripping down into the glass. “i can’t imagine why.” smirking while his back is still turned to her, pouring generously into each cup. sharing a bed with nyala had proven to be his new vice. he hadn’t had a morning where he’d felt fully rested, just not being able to tear himself away from the girl long enough to get a full nights rest. not that he could ever complain, he’d become too attached to late nights and early mornings with his wife. still a concept he couldn’t quite wrap his mind around. “with my coffee and your incredible breakfast, i’m not sure we chose the right professions.” chuckling softly as he sipped on his warm beverage. setting the glass beside hers, hands quick to hold her waist, running softly against skin exposed. falling into their same, comfortable morning routine. 

eating with her in their home, at the counter, where they had found themselves so many times before, felt too familiar. as if he’d been doing it his entire life. knowing he had wished he’d been doing it his entire life. having her right where he wanted her, in his home wrapped around him, with his ring on her finger. he knew nothing would feel as good as this did. his hands sliding down from their place on her waist to hold her thighs, taking the bite she offered, dramatically. eyes rolling back in his head as he hummed his agreeance with the food. “i slept so well. as i usually do with you next to me.” his eyes falling as she moved to get more of the breakfast. watching as she continued with her meal, taking a few more sips of coffee before he pipped up again. “what about you? sleep well, ny? what did you dream about?” he questioned before he stole the bite she had just leveled to her mouth. sending her a wink before he pressed his lips to hers quickly. taking the fork from her hand, continuing to take most of what she’d prepared for them to himself before he returned the favor and offered the bite to her. 

“okay, hear me out. i have a business idea —” she whispers, eyes looking over him fondly. the words are spoken with a slight smirk, a tease to her voice with a raised brow. “— if our careers tank, we could always open up a restaurant. one of those real classy ma and pop joints. we’d take new york by storm.” a laugh escapes from the girl then. the smirk that holds onto her lips widens into a genuine smile, but she couldn’t help but smile at nixon’s following words. “i slept pretty well... besides, i can’t really sleep without you anyway, y’know,” she gently reminds him. her confession is spoken as if it were obvious. and it should be obvious. before, sleep was hardly a reality. now, from his warmth, his gaze, to his smile — it’s literally impossible to imagine a morning or night without him by her side.

shaking her head, nyala rolls her eyes playfully then accepts the bite he offered. “i mean, nix, i always dream about you,” she admits with a small laugh, casually running fingers through his tousled locks. again, as if it were obvious. the brunette remains silent for a moment, stealing a second to finish her coffee. her gaze drops down to nixon’s hands before grazing the back of one. “i dreamt we were back in paris. for obvious reasons. although i’m glad it was a dream considering we’re still recovering from jet lag.” she answers finally, voice full of feigned annoyance and true mirth. too excitedly, she leans forward to steal another kiss. “it was everything i ever wanted but, at this moment, i’d much rather be home with you. just like this.” a beat passes before continuing. now, it’s time for her to pose the same question. “okay, it’s your turn. what did you dream about?”

their honeymoon was magical — making memories, travelling to new countries, and beginning the next chapter of the rest of their lives. despite gallivanting around the world, the two chose to return home. although, to nyala, home is wherever he is. currently, it’s the familiar scene of new york. it’s a stark contrast compared to their old surroundings. yet, she can’t help breaking into a smile, though honestly, there’s multiple reasons for her blatant happiness — the main one, of course, being here with nixon. nyala is awake, nestling above his frame, enjoying his warmth, the feel of him. admittedly, she fell asleep like he was her personal pillow with her head resting against his chest. he is still in a deep sleep, his rhythmic breathing matching her own. tranquility channels bone deep so she stays for a moment, enjoying the stillness of the morning, thinking, reminiscing... 

after a few minutes, with him still asleep, nyala quietly slips out of bed — already missing the warmth. with small steps, she immediately heads towards the kitchen. she is starving, and imagined nixon would be too when he finally wakes up. ignoring the persistent rumbling in her stomach, she makes breakfast for the two of them. it’s a very small gesture compared to every thing he has done for her but the girl hopes it will suffice. there’s an evident pep in her step, overflowing with delight when returning to her position from before. she whispers his name then decides to stir him awake with kisses all over — from his neck, to his cheek, to finally his lips. “nixon,” his name is spoken with a melodic quality. “baby, i made you somethin’.”

this feels new again, like they’re starting a new chapter together yet they’re back at the start of it all. the laughs, the smiles, the fond gazes --- hearing how much he loves her makes her feel like she’s falling for him all over again. since the wedding, things between them has been incredible. it’s beyond words. everything has shifted for them, but it’s for the better and today has expressed that. and it’s something nyala refuses to let go of. someone loves her, despite being told that no one over could, feeling for so long that no one ever could. they’ve reached the place where their night will end, but she can feel that her love for him is just beginning. 

the city of paris is beautiful, perhaps even more beautiful than london or new york or even rome. more beautiful than she could’ve imagined. the two have always talked about travelling around the world. although the idea was entertained, nyala didn’t expect for this to become a reality. this certainly doesn’t feel real. a part of her is still almost convinced this is a dream. yet, more than happy to indulge in the fantasy. the entrance leading from their suite to the balcony is open, offering a spectacular view of the eiffel tower. it’s a peaceful night, stars painting the sky and waiting for the two to focus their attention on them. her stare stays fixed until they finish setting up the area for tonight, though a small smile can be seen on her lips when looking closely. 

nyala tosses her hair over shoulders, then finally turns her attention to him. she doesn’t speak, simply moving to sit by him. “nixon ---” is all the girl says before reaching over to pull a blanket around them. body leans into his, hand intertwining with his own. a hand that now carries the weight of a ring. her voice is whispered, as if speaking too loudly will disturb the peacefulness of the night. but truly, she doesn’t care about any of that. all she wants is HIM. “--- i don’t know how you do this. you pick these perfect settings,” she comments while her smile grows more and more bashful. she feels amazing right now. “and --- now i’m not sure if i ever want to go back home. i’d have no problem staying out here with you.”