I Am The Light..

❛  i don't believe you anymore.  ❜ ❛  i don't have anything left to give you.  ❜ ❛  i don't know how to forgive you.  ❜ ❛  i don't know how to stop loving you.  ❜ ❛  i don't know if i hate you or miss you.  ❜ ❛  i don't know how to act around you anymore.  ❜ ❛  i don't love you anymore.  ❜ ❛  i don't need your pity.  ❜ ❛  i don't need you to save me.  ❜ ❛  i don't recognize you anymore.  ❜ ❛  i don't think we can fix this.  ❜ ❛  i don't think i can survive losing you again.  ❜ ❛  i don't want to see you again.  ❜ ❛  i don't want your apology.  ❜ ❛  i don't want to be your second choice.  ❜ ❛  don't ask me to stay.  ❜ ❛  don't ask me to be okay with this.  ❜ ❛  don't come back to me just because you're lonely.  ❜ ❛  don't leave me here alone.  ❜ ❛  don't lie to me again.  ❜ ❛  don't love me only when it's convenient.  ❜ ❛  don't make me choose between you and myself.  ❜ ❛  don't make me hate you just so i can let you go.  ❜ ❛  don't pretend you're the only one who suffered.  ❜ ❛  don't say you love me unless you mean it.  ❜ ❛  don't tell me what to do.  ❜ ❛  don't tell me this was all for nothing.  ❜ ❛  don't touch me.  ❜ ❛  don't turn this around on me.  ❜ ❛  don't you dare hold my past against me.  ❜ ❛  you don't deserve me.  ❜ ❛  you don't get to decide when i'm done hurting.  ❜ ❛  you don't get to hurt me and call it love.  ❜ ❛  you don't get to mourn me after killing every part of me that loved you.  ❜ ❛  you don't get to rewrite what happened just because you regret it now.  ❜ ❛  you don't have to pretend you missed me.  ❜ ❛  you don't know how many times i waited for you.  ❜ ❛  you don't know what i gave up for you.  ❜ ❛  you don't understand what you did to me.  ❜ ❛  you don't understand how tired i am of being strong because of you.  ❜

Bad Omens - San Antonio (i think this might be my favorite)

Shoving everything into the closet doesn't count as cleaning.

Hey, is the internet down for you too.

Touch the thermostat and I'll kill you.

I asked for a quiet morning, not whatever this is.

And just how long were you going to let me keep watering a fake plant!?

Don't you even think of walking in here with those muddy shoes, I just mopped!

Why would you leave your wet towel on the bed!?

Come here, your hair's sticking up weird.

I said we just needed milk, why did you buy six loaves of bread?

Well maybe I wouldn't have to eat it with a spoon if somebody had done the dishes!

I'm not really sure if we need bleach or a flamethrower for the leftovers in the back of the fridge.

Did you seriously put the empty cereal box back in the pantry?

(insert name here), you have five seconds to explain why my white shirts have all turned pink.

Who left the fridge open?!

You do know you're supposed to wash your used cups, not collect them on your nightstand, right?

You said you’d take the trash out three hours ago.

Hey, have you seen my phone?

I cooked, which means you get to do the dishes.

I'm going shopping, do you want to come?

You couldn't have left me at least a little hot water?!

Stop stealing the covers!

You fell asleep on the couch again. Come to bed.

Isn't that my shirt?

Is this a genuine concern or are you just drunk?

I just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"…

I literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"

You googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.

Almost accidentally stole a baby… explain later

Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?

I've fallen from my one moral pedestal

This is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?

Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?

I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches

Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry

Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?

So… Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address…

I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.

When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.

Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.

I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.

I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.

defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.

So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"

I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.

I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.

It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.

Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house

Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?

Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?

No, no, no, you don't understand. I'm buying myself this as a reward for not spending recklessly.

We just came for eggs, how did we end up with all this?

I don't think you'll fit in the cart.

Stop smelling every candle in the store!

I think we'll be stuck here for a while, (insert name here) just ran into someone they know.

Look, it was on sale, which means I basically saved us money by buying it!

Oh come on, the generic doesn't even taste that different then the name brand.

Why do we always get the squeaky cart?

I can't reach the zipper, can you come in here and help me?

We came in here for one thing. How is our cart completely full?

You know I can't resist a good sale!

You can give me puppy dog eyes all you want, I'm not buying you anything.

Let's find a dressing room, I want to see how you look in this!

My card just got declined.

When did these get so expensive!

Stop looking at the price tag.

Do you remember where we parked?

We've been shopping for ages, can we at least stop and get food?

Be patient, I still have five more outfits to try on.

You're going to get us kicked out of the store.

Do you think this would look good on me?

Why did you buy so many?

I picked this out for you. Just trust me, go try it on.