arson.mp3

i’m shade • 19 • she/her • bisexual • music addict • i write, sometimes • i spend way too much time on this app just to not post anything • feel free to dm me i loveee to make friends and yap abt anything! • ask box is open- pls chat w me :)

about me , in this blog , masterlist

latest: my escape

ok sooo i wrote this really late but i was feeling angsty SOO here’s a little bucky blurb with therapist reader and her struggles at work. :)

tw: mentions of mental health and suicide

“i lost him.” my voice comes out barely above a whisper.

“who?” his does the same.

“my patient, dumbass. who else?”

silence fills the room, as the air changes some how colder than it was before.

my face starts to scrunch up, tears fighting to fall on my face.

“i tried. I really tried and I thought he was getting better, yknow? He seemed like he was improving.”

he stares, sympathy written all over his face. a part of me is disgusted that he might suggest it wasn’t all my fault. it was. if not mine, whose was it.

“you can’t fix everybo-“

“he didn’t need to be fixed, buck. he was in pain, that’s not something you can fix, its a journey. you of all people should know that.”

that last words sting a bit as they leaves my mouth, not sure why I said it or how he’ll take it really.

he nods, mouth closing as his eyes land on the floor. I hear him release a breath before continuing, hesitantly.

“i know you think it was your fault but it wasn’t. you can’t let this consume you.”

then he says it, the one thing i didn’t want him to say. I cup my hands around my face and exhale a long, and exhausted breath.

“reminds me of what I told you when you first came into my office. why didn’t you take that advice again?” I really gotta shut up. “when you were beyond upset about killing all those people and making amends? remember that?” I know he does.

he doesn’t respond. i know i hurt him.

I stand quickly “i think im gonna go for a walk.” i look out the window for a second, forgetting just how late it was until now. still, i grab my coat before i feel the cold of his arm grabbing mine.

“no, you need to stay, we need to talk about this.”

a little jasper hale x reader blurb before I go to bed :)

12:38 AM the clock reads, as it sits slightly illuminating my nightstand. A yawn creeps up my throat but I push it back down. No, I’m not tired yet. Not yet…but that reminds me.

“Does it ever get annoying? Y‘know, not sleeping.” I ask while tilting my head up towards him a bit, not too much so I can still rest it on his shoulder comfortably.

Jasper shakes his head, “No, actually quite the opposite. All the commotion during the day stops at night, for eight hours of peace.” His golden eyes peer down at me, a smile fighting its way onto his face. “Plus, eight uninterrupted hours with you, doll.”

I roll my eyes, though I know he can feel that I’m not really annoyed. Flattered really.

“Doesn’t really count, does it? I mean, I'm asleep so it's not like we’re chatting up a storm at night.”

He chuckles slightly, shaking his head, “No, but I’m still here with you, right? Counts in my book.” The arm he has wrapped around me begins to rub small circles in my waist. Not sleeping, not yet. “But it's rather enjoyable for me too, other than being in your presence, of course. I can feel everything you’re feeling, all your emotions while you’re experiencing a dream. It’s quite soothing, almost like I'm resting right with you.”

The murmur of the tv in front of us is all that fills the room for a moment as his words sink in, but then he continues.

“I miss dreams. Used to love having them, all the different places they could take you. Some good, some bad. Some soothing, some exciting. It was always a surprise, something new. I don't have that escape anymore.” My arm tightens around him as I listen, feelings of sadness seep out. He notices, like always.

“Don’t be sad for me, sugar. See, even though I miss all that, it's okay. I have a new escape now, you. When I lay here with you each night, and feel what you’re feeling, that’s my escape. Being with you is an escape from everything, all the danger that surrounds us suddenly disappears when I see you. And I wouldn’t trade that for anything.”

My smile grows impossibly bigger, “I love you so much, Jasper.”

He laughs, that smooth sound I love so much. “I love you too, honey.” I watch as his arm leaves me for a second to grab the blanket beside us, dragging it over our bodies. “Now sleep, I know you’re tired.”

The drawl of his voice slowly lured me towards sleep much faster than I had realized. My eyelids are threatening to close for good, but I choose not to fight them.