فاتن خسیمہ

there's people I cherish so much that I wish I could be with them now but Allah knows best. Maybe if im with them I may not be who I am now.

While im working today, I receive multiple calls from my daughter school. But I unable to answer cause Im a Nurse and being a nurse it is dealing with life and death so while im on duty i have to put my pt first. after im settle i pick up the phone and get to know that 1 of my daughter having fever with a temperature of 37.6 degree Her teacher instructed someone to fetch her back right away. told her I will arrange someone else to fetch cause both me and my husband not available and requested for her teacher to just give me sometime and continue to monitor my kid. then after ending the call few min later receive another call she was asking if anyone coming to fetch. my patience is at the tip of my head i almost shouted cause 1st my pt have to sent to icu, 2nd my daughter having fever, 3rd i unable to contact my mom hp, 4th i have 2 undertrain SN and 5th IM PRAGNENT and i have not eaten. deep breath and told her that i need some time to settle everything and i put down the phone. and again few minutes later another call from school this is too much decided to scream at the lady calling then put down the phone. Multiple call to mom until she picks up then hand over to ICU staff then documented and rush back home.

Alhmadulillah reach home mom already fetch both my girls. so texted husband what time his coming back as I have to prepare and let my mom rest cause she have to be admitted for an operation early tomorrow morning. receive a reply that he will end his course in about 30min. waited and waited hopi g he will reach home in the next 1 hr time and will be able to help me. but nop I was wrong he have not reach home yet. message him asking what time he will reach home no reply. and again I get annoyed and frustrated cause Im super exhausted from what had happen few hours before this.

started to nagged... and few hrs later receive a msg " I bebual bebual ngan kwn I tadi. Nie baru nk balik" waut....WHAT!!!!!

Anak kau sakit , aku kalang kabot habiskn keje troz balik sebab risaukn anak plus having that mindset that you unable to excuse urself cause you attending a course. tpi after 2 hrs you are still not back. Make me question myself where were you. Im trying to reason up oh maybe you caught in the rain, oh maybe you caught in the traffic jam... Aku pujuk diri aku tk pe fatin tahan sikit kejap lagi dier balik and end up get to know kau bbual ngan kwn kau yg hari2 same shift and tdi went to the same course as you??? what the hell were you thinking? maner kau punyer urgency.

I am 33 weeks pregnant. carrying a 13kg girl, whom cant stop crying cause she is not comfortable (high fever) cause she just refuse to let go. put her to sleep while continue to carry her and have to tolerate the backache cause unable to put her down and not to forget have another 3 yrs old daughter that needs attention as well. kau bole reply aku ckp kau bbual ngan kwn kau!

Aku nk tngok langit tu tinggi ker rendah. you are an ex army officer . Who cares what we know you are a human just like everybody else. You are not critically ill therefore I have to prioritize which pt to attend first. Apart from you I have another 6 pt to care for. If I have to spent 30min in your room for every call bell just to repeat the whole process even working 12 hrs shift wont be enough.

Every shift Nurses puting up long report hoping that something will be done but the things that we did is not enough. We need force! We need someone or something to protect us and to avoid this kind of situation. But till today there is still nothing.

Work- HP- sleep- meet friend/going out with friends- game and repeat (Husband)

Work- take care of kids- HP- School-Sleep/sleepless-housework and repeat (wife)

This is life yes I want to complain but i cant cause I have no friends to go out and chill. Yes Im very tired but I cant complain cause I want to be married and have kids Allah granted my dua. So why must I complain?

Im jelous with other couple which have supportive partners but they also might face other issues.

some may have no kids. some might have been acting in front of us or some is really happy with god will. So just bersyukur Fatin for what you have and for what Allah have granted.

Life is not always what you want. Allah knows best.

Example:

You always wish to get married with someone else but Allah give you ur husband and you should know why.

You wanted a baby boy but Allah gave you 2+1 girls and you should know why.

Allah gave you rezeki for you to upgrade your education and your work and you should know why.

Allah delay your BTO one is because of COVID and the other reasons you should know why.

Mom is negative on day 3. So now mom and aafiyah my 1st born is negative. Straight i told my mom can u bring aafiyah somewhere (of cause im joking). Then she was like nanti sikit sikit nangis... hahah.

Yes my 1st born super manje... anyway...

For myself how im coping so far? Its getting worse. My head super heavy cough getting bad to worse. On and off SOB. So today i decided to drop everything and had a long sleep after taking my medications. Ignore all the crying, arguing, nagging and just being selfish. Sleep until i feels better. But when ur a mom you will always be a mom. Been hearing my 1st born arguing with my husband non stop shouting and crying so i decided to wake up for awhile put my 1st born to sleep and everything is peaceful once again.

At time the child just need a little bit of mother love and everything will be perfect.

#fightingthisvirus

I am supposed to report for night shift after taking 3 days of MC due to ARI symptoms, headache and vomiting. I have not feeling well for the past 2 week but i cant complain cause the rest of the family is not feeling well and need my attention ( a nuse will forever be a nurse). I dont feel good as my cough has getting worsen with phlegm and my chest feels really thight and i have difficulty in breathing. on the same day i decided to get myself tested and im not surprised that im positive. The next thing in my mind is my daughters. Test them both and sadly my 2nd daughter also get infected but not my 1st which i am surprised cause shes the one that is easily fall sick.

Then next comes my mom cause i had been hearing her having chesty cough the moment shes back from Melaka and next was husband cause he also used to have this Covid symtoms when he went for check up before. So now all of us positi e except my 1st born.

What come next blaming session la of cause what else we always have something to argue about.

My mom blame my husband then i blame my mom then we blame work school and even the places we go USS until to the point where i told everyone its my fault. Cause i work in the hospital and i had close contact with 2 positive pt. After that everybody silent.

I refuse to depend on others or ask others opinion to my choices cause i dont want in future i regret or blame them for the choices. So whatever i do its all my choices but now am i regreting it im not sure but what i know i cant turn the time back instead i have to fix it.

But before fixing others i have to fix myself which is the main problem. I dont even know where to start. Im just broke inside out. Im feeling numb and just dont know what to do or say or what to feel.

Everything i do and everything i say will break the things in the house or just break someone feeling. How can a broken person fix something?

I cant run away cause i have family to feed. I need the stength to face all this challanges. Please heart just be strong.

Manager: what is ur short term goal?

Me: Short term goal graduate from degree in nursing and enrolled advance dip in critical nursing.

Manager: Then your long term goal?

Me: Long term goal resign from nursing and shake leg at home. 😅😅😅

Manager: are you serious?

Me: of cause la i need to retire one day what i have my own life and money to deal with and to spent. Haha. Actually haha i want to go back icu then polyclinic

If you don't trust that nurses just go n tell sister directly you don't have to gertak argh... all my medication kau kite timing duration. Mmg kene check but also certain medication depend on pt. Especially when it comes to IV KCL it's a painful infusion and most of the pt whats the rate to run slower. So be it there is no problem and I did explain why is the replacement completed late at night.

1. The dr only order it at 345pm so I start it late.

2. There is 3 cycle supposed to run 1 hour each bag but due to the irritation pt request to run it slow for 2 hrs each bag. So I need a total of 6hrs to run all the 3 cycle

3. Pt also have other IV medication to be serve so in between of the 3 cycle I have to serve the IV paracetamol. Then continue back to the 2 hr KCL

So if I were to start at about 4pm I should complete all the 3 cycle by 9pm(6hrs). BUT in between I administer IV paracetamol for 15 min so I need a total of 6hrs and 27min ( remaining minutes for flushing lines). So before 10pm everything should be completed and I basically did not leave you any thing to followup. Only left to final flush and disconnect from the cannula.

I still don't get it why are you questioning so much about this replacement and the timing....

Come to the next pt....

Question me how I prepare my antibiotic. Cause this ampule is not suitable with the minibar so I have to dilute it.

My way ( I was taught )- normal iv infusion set

- dilute ampule with 20mls NS and further dilute it in 50mls NS total of 70 mls to be administer and I use the normal iv infusion set.

Her way -iv burette set

- dilute ampule with 20mls NS and push it into a burette set and connect to 500mls NS. Thn further dilute it with 50mls NS.

The only different as you can see is the set used. The dilution and preparation is all the same. Burette is much more expensive then the iv infusion set and burette need to connect to 500mls solution also expensive. If the antibiotic only last for 1 day and to oralized the next day thn it's a waste to used the burette set. Its okay to used the burette set if the duration of the antibiotic is long. So I don't know why is there a need to "I tell SISTER" ?????

I have 4 month before my ML. And I hope my sister able to push my ML and leave closed to 1 month or so. So i only spent in this hell ward for only 2 month plus.

Why are we nurses always at fault. Always the bad person?

Cause we dont treat pt we assist is it?

Ppl! Wake up open your eyes and listen. Look or peek outside your room and see whats happening outside. Who is always outside answering ur callbells attending to all ur needs.

We nurses no longer walking, sitting or chit chatting. Nowadays we dash, rush, run, shouted. We are the one getting all the scolding by the drs, pt, pt family/ relative.

We skip or meals, waterbreak, toilet break.

We cry silently and get back to our feet a few min later cause we dont want our pt to suffer.

But no one see that.

We even go home late. We too have family and we too miss our little one but we know our responsibility as a nurse.

We only request for 1 thing from you. Please understand our job it is challanging. Yes you want your love one to be better and treated ASAP but we nurses, human being you cant expect us to ignore the rest of the pt just to be there for ur love one.