Today was awful. I had to call out of work for the first time because of N/V/D :( that I have had for three days now. I hate calling out of work because it leaves my team down and I hate letting my team down. I just try to remember it’s better to call out when your sick instead of going in and getting other people sick and then basically neglecting myself some more for 12+ hours.
I quarantined myself to my bed today to rest because I am trying to go to work tomorrow and Monday. I feel better than I did this morning, but my mental health has suffered because I have spent the day in my room, alone.
I feel lonely. Why do I desire to be loved? Why do I desire to want a boy to like me and give me attention? Is it because I have no girlfriends and I know how to talk with boys easier than girls? I want to be okay with being alone and I don’t know if that feeling will ever go away? It’s been 6 months since I broke up with my ex. I am in a way better place than I was with him but I am not where I want to be. I want to be confident alone. I want to be content with myself and making myself happy. I don’t wanna receive happiness and rely on that through others. So as lonely as I am right now, i know this is good for me.
I’ve stayed off of social media even though I want to look so bad. I know that I would just be disappointed if I looked though, especially tonight, Saturday, a night I usually go out. I can’t wait for the day I can finally say I am happy alone. More happier than now at least. I know life isn’t perfect but it can be better than the negative energy I am cultivating inside right now.
turnnoffyourmind
prguitarman
gummygunk
