worst internet diary

last day here. packed. drew. aagh i went out to eat and then am about to see how much of wbk i can speedrun reading before i have to leave. all future updates will be exactly where you know it to be for the next few weeks till i get back. love you and by you i mean me.

i need to pack tomorrow. i keep on making myself paranoid and it really is so stupid. i think it was only 2024 i got myself scared of mirrors for a week. couldnt get out of bed because there was one above the headboard. called with my beloveds today. shes so mean even if she loves me its funny. annoying though. everything is so annoying.

archival stats- crepes, chicken.

dream entry (relived the last day all over again. wish i stayed)

aaah drawing is such a blast i dont want this to end but im getting so fucking sleepy. and being the way i am this means ill get bored of this piece if i drop it which is suuuch a pain i dont want to. it seems im only capable of drawing late at night which is just great isnt it. birthday dinner today. wasnt fun. too noisy too heavy and i really just hate going outside with this family. i hate the way shes being raised but its not my place to do anything so i simply wont. nothing else of interest other than sleeping. thats all i really did. all of my issues really are other people. and being isolated is crummy but it might be better than dealing with them all. aaaghh aghhhhh i really am meant to be a hikikomori this world just sucks. i shouldnt be going outside. which is funny to say when soon enough thats all ill be doing in about 3 days ? something like that.

its a pity i cant focus on a drawing for more than a day before i get bored. i wanted to draw some irumafia stuff but nothings happening so i guess noootttt. drawing sucks again but whatever guess ill get back into writing. summers started and. im bored. already. i dont think ive talked to anyone today.

its over its all over at least for now and i couldnt be happier. nothing of interest to note i caught up with irumafia today and. i miss. a certain someone. which is funny but not a surprise because i did tell them id miss them forever when i broke it off but theres no point because ive sworn myself to not go back. im not the type to crawl back. i hate acting first. and its funny because i remember how bad it felt talking to them since the downfall. every emotional need i had to fulfill. i. i archive everything because i dont want to forget. now we have a system in place for things like this but. i really shouldnt have deleted every screen shot. i have nothing to look at to remember us other than a few stray messages. i dont even think i have my messages copied down like i normally do. i need to stop acting so impulsively. i think to some degree its the same issue i have with incest girl but never in my life would i want to talk to incest girl again. strangling me is one thing but. everything else about her is worse. ugh. its bad enough to know that me and her are one in the same in some way. something about how she operates is too much like me. shes too easy to read and its jarring to see no one else notice it. suppose that was because we were surrounded by kids the whole time but still. i cant recall the point i was trying to make thinking about her irritates me too much. no one else but them so far have been the same as me and so unashamed of it. i keep a majority of every wrong thing about me under wraps. but the both of them were so honest about it it made me sick.

aaggh the rain i love the rain normally but the walk home today was so so so terrible and wet and gross and i missed out on walking home with someone i love dearly because it was so miserable. but i did get the thing i was promised and suppose did want so. that is nice. i feel so bad i hope she did not have to be in the rain long without me. ah i think shes mad. hah. well it doesnt matter much since i wont see her again for a while. slept a lot of the day away on accident. maybe from 1-7 when i meant to sleep until 2. doesnt matter. not a lot does. i need to clean and edit my rulebook again.

aaaagh good day good day it is today even if mostly boring and sleepless but so pleasant !! mostly in regards to the manga i like and being right !!! because of course im right. someone was going to get shot near chapter 160. and wbk chapter today was also good. on that note of good things to happen people around me are suffering again and it is nice to see. pitiful. and would i rather them doing well than something like this ? i suppose so but at least its entertaining. didnt get what was promised to me a few days ago though but im not sure i wanted it anyways. killed a bug and a million tiny ones popped out so thats nice. aagh i slept again. how boring. i only feel like drawing late at night now. aagh.

lazy day. made crepes which i guess takes two hours. ate about 6 and then took a nap. drew. so a good day i suppose. cant wait for this all to be over. just about 3 more days. nothing interesting to talk about. i need to update my rulebook to include people i shouldnt talk to for my own sake. really dont feel like studying but i probably should. bleh. sucks that all the things im interested in right now are doing merch stuff i cant get. god ive got nothing interesting to talk about. i think. im not even sure if im lonely. its been a while since my beloveds have called. one of them has been offline for forever which is a pain. if just us called shed probably join but whatever. i dont feel like expressing myself to them. i dont feel like much at all.

lately nothing interesting has been coming to mind. boring week hasnt it been ? happy though. maybe thought really is the enemy of joy at times. ive just been yearning for someone who ill never have. my step mom doesnt like my usage of the term "ever have" which is suppose is correct in that its unhealthy to be possessive. but im trying to live in a bl tragedy leave me alone. she really doesnt know much about me anyways. called my next outing a girls trip as if. not that i care to tell anyone. back to the yearning ah its so. peculiar. and so obvious too. i cant talk to him and i wont ever do so willingly. i just want him to notice me before time is up. nothing more. nothing less. i wont confess unless im asked. hes pretty and hes cool and half the things i do lately are for his attention which is. silly. but i probably wont do this again after him so ill let myself live in the fantasy for a little while. none of this is going to be interesting for future null to know is it ? sorry sorry. i love you. and by you i mean me and i suppose whoever else is reading this too. i want to get those kinda pricy puffy stickers to double back and stick in my shaker charm thingy. talked to my step mom again and i forget easily that talking to most people irritates me easily. especially her. something about her irks me in a manner that doesnt matter for any reason other than my own sanity. conversation was along the lines of "theres this really good song but its in russian so i cant sing it" "what if its russian propaganda" can you shut up. can you really not enjoy things. i told her about the translation i read and she didnt believe me either. annoying. god people are so fucking annoying it shouldnt be this easy to forget that.

at the other house today. events today are telling me it was a good time to leave that last fandom so thats nice. the magedelane song im listening to is really nice i feel like puking. cant recall the actual name without the cyrillic but you probably know it. and by you i mean me. i can hear my sister talking about how shes scared of me cause shes been bothering me with questions about this stupid game i dont care about. ah im so annoyed of this dictatorship. its irritating its stupid they let her be this way. love her dearly but im sick of it.

archival stats- two tacos (one fish which was ok and one beef with plantains which was rlly good), strawberry gelato, kbbq and a cheese corn that i didnt eat but shouldve but its so oily and i felt bad. fries. apple pie.

dream archive

aaaaaaaaaaaaaagh today is a good day it really is. even though i fumbled a lot and avoided him the whole time it was good. last time ill have a class with my beloved this year but hopefully next year my luck is better. and he said my name today while i was walking her. not my actual name i suppose but its not like i told him that one. i barely tell anyone to their face what it is. fell asleep early and skipped dinner. just a week left. ive nothing interesting to say lately. just happy.

less than a week left. isnt that nice. helped out two people today. lent one person my charger and picked up some papers from the floor for the other. talked to him today. i dont have a title figured out but it was nice. nearly gave him my address without needing to be asked. goodness am i desperate. not that itll get me anywhere. but theres no harm in liking him that much i think. just a day dream that wont go any further. itll be my last time seeing him soon enough too. i should be allowed to savor this. aagh. cried. had to update my phone for some travel stuff and. its so fucking ugly. its so inconvenient too. i hate things changing like this. my day was going so well too. none of this needs new apps. its all so ugly. i hate the way this is. i dont want to touch my phone again. why cant i go back this is so stupid. and its slow. god its so ugly. aah im getting irrationally upset now. everyone should all just die.

dragging along a heavy ass book the whole day was a pain in the ass and ill have to do it again but i guess its fine if its to archive the people who like me. signatures and such. aah im so happy though today is the day and i have permission to make the account. except. i cant think of a good username. so ill post pone it maybe. ive been wasting time again i should eat. watched fortune favors lady nikuko and cried. it was good. the animation is stunning. aah.

aaagh its all over. well. for the most part at the very least. exams are next which will be a breeze. anything is better than a project. im so happy though. i have just about all the freetime in the world to do as i please at least for today. i rolly polly died in front of me today. was in the bathroom when i saw it on the floor. on its back wriggling around a little. got a little cup to pick it up with but when i came back it stopped moving. didnt think something could so easily look so dry. ah i didnt draw a thing. i really do suck with free time.

aaah so much work but so worth it !!! i was gifted some lovely pins of my fish ever and his friends and im so giddy. i also went out to a book store to do work with the group of people im not so fond of but i bought a coffee that was. mediocre. and two volumes of windbreaker !!! 2 and 3 !! joyous. i wouldve bought a calico critter as well but those were expensive. anyways. i have much to still work on but itll all be worth it for when im free !! joy and whimsy.