I feel small because I don’t have money I feel small because I am not a man, for whom the mediocre is romanticized and forgiven I feel small because in the end, no matter what anybody says, my only defense is the way I look I feel small because I can’t make the art in my head into the real world I feel small because the only proof of my genius is anger It only occurred to me recently that I have a chronic illness and I always feel set back from everybody else already From being a third child, from my mother going through a lot then Fending for myself and learning that life is fending for myself

the most important i learned from traveling

Been dealing super well with pandemic life so far but lately, I've had a very big down from feeling so disconnected from all the things I want to do in life, that I can't do in Montreal. Ultimately I have to accept that I need to use what Montreal has to offer while I am here, although it's nowhere near my crazy dreams to swim in the wild with dolphins or live in a hippie commune in the deep hinterland somewhere in New Zealand. 

everything must change I’ve stayed home during the pandemic in my little home box where life was swirling around furiously until it settled as it was falling in love in chaos and heartbreak, my heart is so tired my love is too strong, I feel too much, too deeply like a bird swimming in a water puddle in the construction site, it remains sacred even in the most mediocre setting I cry while the wind softly goes through the breeze soon it’ll be winter everything must change im at war with cars, construction sites, concrete, money, time I want to run away, life has intense beauty.  too much for one life to be underwhelmed is missing the goal

my aunt is sick in the hospital and im hurt from realizing how extremely mortal we are all, while I'm worried about being pretty

I hate surf culture and the performance elitism and the sexist exclusion everyone pretends doesn't exist but I close my eyes and I dream of silence and ocean breeze and soft wave sounds or loud wave sounds and a feeling of pure freedom and deep presence. 

mon coeur ressens trop fort, ressens tout je me sens éloignée de tout le monde comme si j’étais dans un autre monde il y a une barrière entre moi et les gens et je n’arrive pas à l’enlever