How To Blog 101

Ugh I thought I was doing so well without you. Well you’ve always been on my mind but I have been trying to move on and it worked until I saw you on people’s snapchat stories and now im back to being down and sad. It’s been a little over 3 months since we’ve last talked and I miss you. But idk if I can trust you after what I’ve learned on my own. My brain says no but my heart still wants you in my life. I’m so conflicted and I don’t know what to do 😓I seriously hope that you have some feelings for me still.

Well I am currently single again after on and off being in a relationship the entire month of July with RJ. I have a feeling he ended it so he can be with an old FWB but he doesn’t want to admit it. “I don’t want to hurt you kevin😭😭, and I just feel like I can’t have it both ways. Your amazing and what we have is amazing but I just have some stuff to take care of” sounds odd to me. Am I wrong? I know nobody is reading this but something has to be up

Today marks the first day of starting our relationship. I feel really good and happy. I got to spend yesterday with him and sleep over which was amazing. I really like him and hope things go well

Well, uh...I'm frustrated. My feelings sky rocket when I get the least bit of attention from somebody I like and I hate it. I guess it helps me get my mind off of the past but I don't think it's healthy. Is it me? Why won't guys love me? (I'm half kidding half serious). Okay I'm fully serious. Wtf? It's like all of my interactions with guys who have somewhat of an interest in me always ends up with separation and I've yet to witness something stable 😔

Well...it happened Donald Trump will be the next president and I am so scared of what the future holds for America. Everybody who is different is at risk and being gay and black is a double whammy. To think it's a challenge in itself to Come out and now the next president can take your rights away. I wish we could all come together and make peace On a brighter note someone just told me they have a crush on me

It's the day before Halloween. I really wish I could have the courage to tell him how I feel. I shouldn't have this problem but with him it's different, he knows I like him but I never get anything from him about how he feels about me. He said he's going through a rough patch and I want to be with him but he wants solitude..

So a lot has happened in the past month. I finally got my license on 9/10/2016 which was a process in itself lol with having to use 2 cars, the guy that sped around me during the test and panicking because my car is so old I didn't know how to use my high beams. I also made some more friends at college and we are actually making plans to do stuff!! I've been talking with this guy L and he is really cool and funny he was the first to ask me to "go somewhere" I still don't know what that means. Is it a date? Or is it hanging out? Whatever it is we've done that 3 times and each time was fun. He knows I like him but he hasn't given me anything about how he feels about me. We'd do little bumps to each other but I just can't tell. I would really like to hold his hand, I know that sounds really cliché and cheesy but it's something to work with. My mom is finally off chemo and on liquids so that's good. My driving has improved and got to park normally at school a lot and parallel park once in the city. The wrath of college is starting to get to me. I just turned in a 100 point movie essay just now, had a 100 point HDFS essay due 3 days ago, I have a stat test Monday, a psych quiz Tuesday, a movie class presentation Wednesday, and a English essay due Friday. Note to self STUDY MORE

So to catch things up X and I are now I guess fwb now it's so hard when you wanna do something and the other isn't in the mood and you feel awkward, but if he does I'm all for it wtf lol. But also Bob is texting me like everything is normal, he called me "Kev". He has never in his life called me that before until now. Also it's that bitch Jade's birthday and everybody and their grandmom is posting happy birthday messages on snapchat. Like do you even know how much of an asshole and a snake she really is? And it seems like I only see it. Also experienced my first ever form of aggressive hate on here last night so that was fun, I didn't know how to take it and freaked out a bit. All I did was say my opinion that wasn't even a jab at him all I said was "the gum is bothering me" in no way did it deserve all the slandering and hate fuck.

Well, it's really over. Yesterday marks the day we split, I'm not as upset as if expected. Won't be the first, won't be the last I'm sure. He was surprisingly rude and a complete different person. And it as in a text! Just done with it. I knew it was a bad sign when we dated the Fourth of July

I like this picture of me

Well, I feel somewhat relieved and stupid. I just realized that the messages weren't sending and my "I miss you" text wasn't sent so yay I guess. I seriously need to stop overthinking but it's a bad habit and I don't think anything can help that honestly.

I have no idea where he went. I overthink things and it shows, I really wish I didn't overthink. I hate being left with nothing to work with I have no idea of its me or what. It's probably something he's doing but At least give me a heads up

Some pictures of yours truly

It’s 12:48 and I’m feeling the emotions of being alone again. The people close to me are either mad, gone off the grid, or just enjoying life with other people. Nobody really invites me to stuff and when they say they will it never happens until I bring it up again and even after that it doesn’t help all the time. I don’t want to be invited because they feel bad for me or a second thought just to fill a spot. I’m a person too and have feelings

Today was a very informative day. Never felt so much anger and rage. But after time to let the dust clear I'm still here with my mind in order that person can say whatever she wants. "what the fuck ever kevin. I don't need you to care, I don't need you for shit. i will go do what I want, thanks for the fucking permission friend. im done with this shit. fuck you"