@nowrobert - Tumblr Blog

02/07/2026

I have been grappling with a profound sense of disconnection, resorting to conventional strategies to alleviate it. However, I have discovered an underlying unhappiness within my physical being that manifests differently. It lacks the emotional connection I am accustomed to, and I yearn for a state of lightness in every aspect of my being. The warmth of the sun on my skin, the uplifting sensation in my spirit, the jubilation in my soul, and the weightlessness in my gut—these are all qualities I long for.

There is no doubt that the frigid and oppressive nature of the winter season is contributing to the cause of my depression. Furthermore, I feel there is some other aspect playing part on my current state of being.

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The air in the room carries a sharp, wintery bite, the kind that settles in the corners and waits for the sun to retreat. But here, in the small radius of my chair, the world is narrowed down to a few essential warmth’s.

A dozen amber flames dance atop their wicks, casting long, rhythmic shadows that stretch across the floor like slow-breathing giants. They don't do much to raise the temperature, but they soften the edges of the dark. In my lap, a small, fur-bound heartbeat provides the real heat—the dog, curled into a tight crescent, whose soft snores act as a grounding counterpoint to the quiet.

The music is a low, instrumental hum—distant piano notes that seem to fall like cool rain against the silence. It doesn’t demand attention; it simply fills the gaps between my thoughts.

I open the journal. The paper is creamy and cold under my palm, waiting for the ink to bleed into its fibers. In this space, with the scent of melting wax and the steady weight of the creature on my knees, the chaos of the outside world feels like a rumor I’m finally starting to forget. I pick up the pen, and for the first time all day, I listen to what’s happening inside.

When we take the meditation posture, we are developing a posture or an attitude of attentive openness to whatever arises. And this is a very brave thing to do. To just sit and open our minds, open our whole being with attentive openness to whatever might arise. Because, in so doing, we're actually opening ourselves beyond our usual habitual view of ourselves and of reality. We actually don't know what we're going to see.

Pema Chodron

"Doing the work" can sound daunting. Just be curious about your life. Ask yourself the important questions. The work will get done.

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I've been in such an emotional bad place. I'm frustrated and angry and all bottled up. It warranted an ugly cry today. Also, my social battery has been on E for a long while. Solitude and silence have been keeping me from falling apart. I ask that I come out on the other side of this a healthier human being.

Depressed. It's been this way for a while. My days take a lot out of me, and I have no motivation. No real interest. No subject matter. I don't want to talk. All I do is eat. I have no self-control. I guess it all really comes down to my lack of control over my person. I get so cranky with myself, and I hate it. I need to focus on having more influence over my actions, my emotions, and my thinking. I don't like what I've become. I'm unhappy in my body. There are times when I feel unattractive and less than confident around people. I don't even try to be social anymore. I feel like I've given up on a lot of my life. I need to rediscover my joy.

Fallin out of love with my body

We are inhabiting the present, and only the present, because a memory or dream is remembered or dreamed with the tools and texture of the present.

- Matt Haig

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Everyone wants to "arrive." But how about the journey? Let's talk/be about that

When we remember, we don't replay the past. We imagine how the past could have been. - FC Bartlett

The standard of success is the amount of Joy I feel

Over social media right now

I'm fucking screaming on the inside. I need to let it out. All of it. And I want you to witness it. To see how I feel. I've been holding this shit in for too long

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God it hurts!!!

Zero gravity is the goal. I just want to float in the space that surrounds me. Untethered. Weightless. Unreachable. Detached.

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