Too old to be ironic

Back with friends

(From “Love in the Time of Cholera” by Gabriel García Márquez)

(From “Not One Day” by Anne Garréta)

Still lying in bed, you begin to think about your day. There are many ways you might spend your day. You have friends to eat or drink with, books to read, a bike to ride, projects to work on, hobbies to practice, interests to pursue. On some days, it feels overwhelming to think about how you might spend your time, there are so many options, but today you are at peace with the web of life at whose centre you lie. Today it will be a pleasure to let the question of What To Do hang long in the air, until an answer presents itself. And as you lie in bed, something of an answer does present itself: you would like to go on a date. Or at least, you would like to flirt with someone, have someone flirt with you. You would like that excitement. You smile knowingly to yourself, as if to say "ah ah ah, you know that is not a choice you get to make, it takes two.” But you are aware of this craving all the same. It will have to be the background music of your day, this slight wish, and you will go about your day as usual only making small adjustments to put yourself in a position to satisfy this itch. [Roll a die, and comment if the roll is odd or even. This will determine what happens next.]

For larger groups where it is difficult to think of someone everyone knows, you might follow Chevalier even more closely, and limit the possible people to only those in the room. 

“A puppy?” “Yeah. It’s not like a cat. A puppy you can take for walks around the neighbourhood, and people will stop and smile and say, ‘Oooh, look -- What’s wrong with your puppy?’” “What is wrong with my puppy?” “Worms, I think. I don’t know. You should have taken him to the vet weeks ago.” (also from Who Will Run the Frog Hospital? by Lorrie Moore)

(From Who Will Run the Frog Hospital by Lorrie Moore)

The Shitter Was Full: A True Story by Nicholas Steinberg (part 5)

The Shitter Was Full: A True Story by Nicholas Steinberg (part 4)

The Shitter Was Full: A True Story by Nicholas Steinberg (part 3)

The Shitter Was Full: A True Story by Nicholas Steinberg (part 2)

The Shitter Was Full: A True Story by Nicholas Steinberg (Epigraph and part 1)