NovelsByTinaDitte

(Sorry for being so inactive..) For a person who needs to feel 100% in control, I pretty much leave myself defenceless in your presence. I never understood the term 'loving one so much, that it hurts' before I met you. When I'm overjoyed and my body is being filled up with love and affection for you, my whole body tightens and my chest feels like it started to knot. This love has caused me to feel so many things, so strongly. Endless feelings of love and affection, caring and worrying, pain and agony. I've been hurting and happy. Everybody has a vague idea of what love is, but true love can only be understood once experienced. True love comes with years of being together, in bad and good times. Love hurts and love fills you with happiness. It's insane. I think one of the key points in our relationship is that I got to grow up with you as a teenager. In my darkest time of life you came and saved me. You became my source of life, my reason to live. With all that was going on with my life, and still is, you have endured so many things. Dealing with my depressions, insecurity and endless anxiety attacks, you have remained by my side, even when I was my worst. Today I'm at wonder you didn't leave me. I'm very well aware how difficult it has been to be with me. I have become much better, I have matured and grown up in a lot of aspects. I still struggle with the same mental illnesses that I can't seem to be cured off. Having to live with me and experience my pain, is tough isn't it? And still you love me so dearly. You're not just my boyfriend, you have become family. The other half of me. I am sure that without you, I had lost it back when I was 15, and I know I woulnd't be here, if it weren't for you. You saved my life, and you continue to keep up my hope for a better future. That one day, I can succee in becomming a more functionel adult. Thank you for staying by my side.

Kouro seemed to take a deep breath, sending Daisuke one last killer glare and then turned his eyes toward me with a smile. "How do you like my hair?" Kauro outragious bleached hair with blue chunks here and there had been dyed to a natural black - his hair was still spiky though... He wore a uniform for the first time - my guess was that it had finally arrived. Kaoru had started 2 days later than the rest of us, and had only ordered an uniform on that day. "Black huh? And I see you're finally able to blend in with the rest of us" I smiled at tried to make the 'blending-part' implicit. He caught the two-way understanding of my comment "yeah, the uniform finally arrived. So you're put today right?" I had forgotten that today I would be discharged and only recieve remembering treatment once a week. I felt a warm fuzzy feeling boiling up inside me. School started on Monday and the Rush tour//com-together-weekend was very soon. "Thats right!". I looked toward Daisuke, but he was just staring at the outside. It looked as though his mind was far away... A knock on my door, countinued by a clicking sound from the opening, a nurse had come to inform me that my mother had arrived to pick me up. I nodded toward her and thanked her. Kaoru seemed uneasy, and though he seemed to want to drag Daisuke with him, he gave up on the idea of getting in contact with Daisuke. He hadnt moved an inch since Kaoru came. Kaoru glared one last time at Daisuke as if he hoped to wake him from his daze. He smiled at me before leaving the room. I looked down at our breakfast buffet, 1/2 of it was still left. It gave me a good excuse to invite Daisuke with me home. He still seemed out of it, and I didnt dare leaving him alone. I had gotten Daisukes number through the class phonelist, were most student listed their private cell phone numbers and emails, in order to be able to call one another in case of emergancies. I wondered if he had recieved any of my mails and calls... "Say.. Whould you like to come with me home? I mean we still have quite a lot to eat.." Daisuke continued to glare out the window. He was as petrified. I took the rest of my egg and threw it in his face. It might have ben utterly childish, but his spacing out had reached my tolerance limit. "Oi! Are you listening?". Daisuke jumped 1/2 and inch from his seat and shouted "what the!?" When he had started to comprehent the circumstances, he started to smirk at me teasingly ready for a fight "well, you!" Before he could return the favor and start a food war, my mother stepped in looking at us as if we were insane. "Arent you a little too old to play with food?" She giggled as she saw Daisukes egged face. "Haruka! What did you do to the poor boys face?" She tried to sound serious, but it was so out of character from me to do stuff like that, that she giggled herself through the whole sentence. Ever since I had started high school, i had become more and more open. I started to feel whole in my skin, though pieces still were missing. "Can Daisuke join us for breakfast? He bought all of this, it would be a shame if it was wasted" Daisuke looked at me surprised but seemed not to mind the idea. My mother agreed to it as well. Soon enough all of my stuff were packed and I was on my way home.

I woke up to a chock. The note I had left had been moved, and the place where Daisuke had fallen asleep was empty. He wasn’t here. Panic started to rush through me and I had to swallow the urge to scream. Had he just left? I frantically sprinted to the door, checking if it was still locked. I took in the door handle, and the door slipped from it’s frame. The locked had been open. Daisuke might very well had just run off. Further panic started to take over, and hadn’t it been for whatever small dose of rationality in my brain, I would have run around the whole hospital screaming for him. Thank god for slight reamining reason in my mind! I started to move toward the canteen, when a tall boy took a turn and walked toward me. My state was severer and I couldn’t see clear, it wasn’t until I came closer I could see it was Daisuke... “Thank god” I felt my knees collapse under me. Stress wasn’t something my mind could handle well. Panic attacks this intense was too much for my already chaotic mind. For a moment I was completely empty. “What’s happening? Are you okay!? Do you need a doctor!?” I looked up. Daisukes arms were filled with all sorts of different type of breakfast. It wasn’t from the hospital. Delicious pastries, fried eggs, toast, coffee. I was surprised. “Did you.. just went out for breakfast?” He looked confused at me. “I shouldn’t have? I thought I could get back in time before you woke up and surprise you... to thank you... for last night... But the line at the baker was longer than I had planned and...” He stopped and I realized tears was dripping down my face. Surprised I wiped away the driblets and tried to get my composure together. “Eh, oh. Damn... Sorry.” Daisuke looked completely startled. It was as if he had no idea what to do. Like seeing a worried new mother, who didn’t know what to do with her infant. Thinking of that relation made me laugh... I laughed while my tears still flooded and the poor boy seems even more puzzled than before. “It... hahaa... It’s okay” I tried to say between my laugh. He smiled awkwardly at me and laughed quitely with me. Before we made an even bigger scene, we listed off to my room. I was surprised no one had caught me last night. It was a miracle. We laid out all of the food out on the broad windowsill while sitting on each end. We watched the scenery as Daisuke opened up for the goodies he had brought. “Itadakimasu!” We said in choir and laughed. I stuffed my face pretty quickly and noticed that Daisuke stared at me in awestuck. “I have never seen a woman attacking her food like that” He tried to chuckle a laugh, but it was clear he was about to explode out in giggles.  “’scuse me for being hungry!” I said with my mouth full of food... Charming. “Pfftt.. What a pretty sight!” He couldn’t hold it in any longer and stopped making any effort in laughing.  “Thanks. For the food” “It’s okay. Thanks for the sandwhich last night, though I had fallen asleep. I hadn’t slept for 2 days, so I was completely a mess. And sorry for barging in so late ... and stay... I’m sorry” He avoided my eyes again. Not because he was dishonest, but really embarrassed. His cheek flushed and he tried to cover his face with his free hand. “No need for an apology! I’m just glad you’re not hurt.. I mean, like in danger, or.. You know what I mean. I’m just glad you’re here. When Aya and Isumi told me they hadn’t seen you, and when you ignore my texts and calls, I started to worry you know... So I was just glad you showed up.. And its perfectly okay if you don’t want to talk about it, but.. You know.. I’m here to listen if you want and...” He had placed his finger on my mouth to stop me from talking. I could probably had blabbered for an hour. I tended to do that when I didn’t know how far I was allowed to go. “Thanks. It’s okay. I want to tell you... At another time. Okay? Let’s just enjoy the meal” I found his smile seductive. Daisuke could be extremely sexy when he was honest and straigh forward. Something about him had always drawn me toward him, but never like this right now. I could have kissed him. I’m positive he could have done anything to me, he wanted in that moment. The door to my room clicked open and I snapped out of my daze... In the the door stood Kouro, looking quite upset with a deep frown and a killer stare - not toward me but toward Daisuke. What was going on? 

Tomorrow I would be released, and start school again on monday. It was nice that I had the weekend to adjust being back home. It was going to be nice having people around me often again. Even though my friends and family took turns visitng me, it was only a couple of hours everyday. Most of the time I was left alone in my hospital room since it was a single. I was getting lonly these last past days. “I don’t think we will get any further today Miss Tsukino. Sorry it got so late.” I looked up at the clock. 7 PM, I was going to eat dinner late today. “It’s okay” I left the room. As I walked up the corridor I saw the door to my room slightly open and the light was on. I hurried toward the room and peeped inside. Daisuke was sitting on my bed holding a seemingly dying bouquet.  “Daisuke?” I called him. He turned his face toward me. He was pale, slightly bruised on his left cheek. The one thing that caught most of my attention was his eyes, they were so empty. “W-What happened?” He was now looking me in the eyes as he forced on a smile, tears started to fall down his cheeks. “I don’t know how to go from here”  He dropped the vulnerable bouquet, and most of the flower penetals didn’t survive the fall. He covered his eyes with his hands and started to bend forward, placing his elbows on his knees. “Where am I supposed to go from here?” I ran toward him and embraced his curled up body. I led him cry out his heart in my arm, while every single sob broke my heart even further. I stroke his blonde hair, which was missing its usually wax to make it spiky. It was soft and easy to let my fingers run through. I let my hand slight down to his back to rub it. He was thin, and his spine was visible in his shirt.  I started to bend down to see him in the eyes. I laid my hand on his hand which he was covering his face with. He let his hand twist in with mine while covering both eyes with the back of his other hand. We stood like that for a while holding hands. When he finally calmed down, I reached out for his other hand covering his eyes to try and removed it from his face, but he seemingly didn’t want me to see his crying face. “It’s okay. I wont mind. Please look at me” my voice was as tender as I could make it. Slowly he removed his hand, avoiding eye contact. I saw his bruises more clearly now, it was clear he had been in a fight. I wasn’t going to questioning him at this point. His mind was unstable and he was broken to the point that he no longer knew what to do. I didn’t want to push him in this state. “There we go.” Though his eyes wasn’t going to look at mine I still smiled to him. I looked up at the clock. It was already 9 PM. For nearly 2 hours nothing had been said between us. “Would you like some dinner?” He looked briefly at me but then looked away again. “I’m not sure... That I’m hungry” I smiled “I will fetch you a bit, and go get more if youre more hungry” I walked toward the door of my room, and just before leaving I looked back at him. He was watching me, still avoiding eye contact. “Thanks” he mumbled “No problem!” I rushed off to the kitchen. I was anxious he was going to leave not letting me know. At this hour they only had sandwiches stored in the fridge. I grabbed two with chicken and bacon, I had no idea what Daisuke liked. Maybe it would be safer to grab two different? I changed one of the sandwiches with an eggsalad one. Then I ran off to my room, beggin he hadn’t left. When I opened the door to my room, Daisuke had collapsed on my bed. Only filling up very little of the bad he slept on his side. Crying for so long must have exhausted him. I smiled, relieved he hadn’t left. Whatever his case was, it had been devastating. I cleaned up the flowers as silent as I could and rescued those of them which hadn’t gone completely bad. I put them in a vase and started to eat my sandwich. I watched Daisuke sleeping peacefully, it didn’t seem like whatever he had just experienced was haunting him in his sleep. Time pasted and I finished my meal. Afraid of getting to sleep, worrying he might just take off in the morning, I wrote him a short letter saying “Please don’t leave without me knowing”. I hoped that would stop him from just getting up and go. As I got ready I realized I would have to sleep in the same bed as him... I felt a little embarrassed and couldn’t help but think of it as some sort of crime. Sneaking in a boy and sleep in the same bed as him. I decided to lock my door, just in case some nurse would barged in, though they hadn’t done so since I was hospitalized. Well, this was a emergancy situation. Daisuke didn’t know where to go, and he seemed so hurt I couldn’t just let him be by himself. I took a deep breath and crawled in bed with him, trying to grap the blanket he had fallen asleep on to cover us both without him waking up. What a complicated mission! But I succeed. He slept tight and as soon as my head laid on the pillow I felt the tiredness wash over me. The last thing on my mind was Daisuke, and that night I dreamed of him as I knew him. Happy and full of life. I hoped to see him smile like that again.  

(I’m really fascinated with tokyo ghoul and Kanekis development through the story. I really love it)

A tight lump began to form in my chest, and it was as if my neck started twisting. My body started to stir up and anxiety slowly spread through my body. Just what was I going to go through?    

This world is so ignorant. It doesn't see what is right beside it, and if they, against all expectations, should notice they write it off as "stories" "legends" "myths"or whatever. They even go as far as call their own kind for "crazy" "mental ill" or just plain "hallucinating". How can human deny what's right in front of them? Do you honestly believe that the world is made up by biological (human-logic) creatures? Is the fire spitting dragon a myth? Do you honestly believe that blood sucking creatures in human forms are bed time horror stories? You accept the fact that a blood sucking bat is sucking blood for a living, but as soon as it takes human form, you're in denial? Is it because it's not commonly seen? Please... You're insulting them. They have intelligent, they know as far as any human, that to reveal your hunt is born to bring no prey. Are you letting the deer know before you shoot? We are masters of disguise. We know how to hide. We know how to blend. Demons, withes, vampires, werewolves, living death, you name it. We exist. You're so ignorant that you look the other way, but it's only for our convenience. Physic, universe, 'weird phenomenal', legends, and what not. Keep it up. We only benefit. heaven, hell, it's not myth. angles, gods, they ain't lies. Dens, caves, sorry it's not only the bear that lie in wait. There's a whole universe of creatures, how could you possible think that you were alone?  

I sealed my heart away, hoping it would never kiss the surface again. The door's locked with several bolts, locks and chains - fearing it would ever peak outside. All the darkness, the trauma, the torment. Everything is packed up in the sealed off corner of my mind. Shadows are leaking reminding me of the terror that once was, panic attacks and irrational thoughts are created from the steaming twilight that's flowing out underneath the steel door. Am I ever to open up for the room of this intimidating horror of my past? Love and hate, happiness and sadness, good and bad... They all walk hand in hand. If one is removed, the other will as well and left is only emptiness. Nothing but a hollow feeling. So... Am I to open up? Or live my life in this trivial protection?

Will it ever get better? My anxiety that is... Will it forever to continue infuse my mind and make me tremble with frustration? Its making my mind weak, my thoughts unclear and my feelings unstable. Anxiety is... A overwhelming intense feeling of fear. Fear of... nothing, fears of ridiculous things.. Fears of my own kind in a way it's meaningless. How can one know it's not rational yet still experience anxiety? Where is the meaning in that? To know it's not real, to know it's ones mind playing tricks, to know it isn't like that - yet still feel like this? It's like my mind has it's own separated part of it where it unreasonable is feeling these intense fears, and the rest is watching from outside knowing this is not real. Not real. My fears... are not real. As a shadow creeping up from the darkness, spreading, till it eventually infuses the light and left is nothing but black. Surrounded... by shadows, unable to see the light outside this bubble of darkness. What is it, that makes this so hard to fight? Is it my experience? My invisible scars on my heart? The never-ending voice in my head, telling me how I am a failure? My mind is as a separated place, where uncertainty. knowledge and rationality lies, refusing to work together. To become one. I am as splinted as a mirror in thousand pieces, each showing a different side. What is this?    

You slowly grow within me, taking over every aspect in my body. You corrupt my mind and betray my heart. You shake up every ounce of my feelings, making me shake. The chaos you create in me is horrible, its making me fight my own mind. Why did you ever become a part of me? I feel like Im slowly loosing the control that I fight so endlessly to hold on to. The neverending shadow following me where the light can't enter. The locked up places and untreatable rooms, you access so easily. I try to keep you out, I try to push you out of the way but youre always comming back, strong as ever.

I woke up still dazed in the white hospital room. I was alone. My memory was hazy from the drugs, I couldn't remember my thoughts from before. It made my mind feel blank and puzzled. Somehow I had a lingering feeling from a wish or a need that I had before I fell asleep. Like when you walk into a room and forget what you needed, that lingering feeling that something was needed, yet I can't remember what. Still blurred I closed my eyes to relax my mind, using energy on processing the images from vision was exhausting. How I felt like an old lady ready to bite the dust. The door opened to my room, yet I was too exhausted to open my eyes. The sounds of step was recognizable, my mothers way to walk had given her away. Then I heard another pair of steps. Steps I didn't recognize. The voices where low, but just loud enough to make words out of them. "Let's talk in here" my mother said in a serious tone. No answer, I guessed the other party would have nodded. "You can't tell Haruka about your childhood together. I'm afraid it will trigger more seizures, and to be honest I'm not sure how much more her mind can take. At this point I'm ready to have her home schooled again" Home schooled? She would take me out of school? all through middle school I would have had been home taught every subjects needed to enter a high school. I would had been taught social skills, and proper etiquette, all the small things that I had forgotten I would have had relearned. I had been living like a wild child, adopted by foreign people. I refused to spend another three years indoor far away from everything. I had finally made friends, all by myself. On this short week that I had been living high school life, taught myself social interaction, gone through conversation that nothing but the real deal could teach me. I had discovered so much on my own. I will protest against it with my life. "But I know Haruka would refuse to do so, and honestly I want her to be able to function like a normal teenager. Which is why I would have to ask to either stay away from her, or to treat her as a new friend. The Haruka that you used to know is gone. You have to look at her as if you just met a stranger." I realized know whom she was talking to. I imagined Kaoru standing in front of her, taking in all this. I couldn't help but feel sorry for him. He must feel awful, knowing that I'm no longer a childhood friend but a stranger. It hurted be deeply that there was no other way, but I agreed with my mother on this one... He would have to get to know me as a new person. "I understand Tsukino-san. Seeing her like this gave me a scare. I don't want her to remember something that cause this much pain. Her biological parent's wouldn't want that for her either. Considered what brutal incident they went through, I want their daughter to at least be able to forget" I couldn't help but feel I should't have heard that. Brutal incident? Like a horrible accident? Though I wished that was the truth, something within me stirred up. I felt as if it was something far worse than anything I could imagine. My mind was conflicted, with feeling of wanting to know and the fear of knowing. I decided that I couldn't leave it be just yet. To have such an amazing childhood friend whom valued my parents, it could only mean that they had been good parents. That i shouldn't fear any bad childhood. I realized my parents must have been nice people. People whom only deserved to be remembered. I have made up my mind. I want to know the truth.

Buried in my thoughts, Kaoru started to stir toward the door. He saw I had noticed his movement and mumbled "Your, eh parents, and nurse..." He turned his back toward me and walked through the door. I understood just how awkward this must be for him. To me he was a stranger before me and I was a long lost friend. Though I had been scared off by his sudden outburst about my parents, I couldn't help think just what had happened to them. Accident? But was it really? Maybe a sudden case of craziness? It could very well be a reason for a cover up... God as long as it wasn't contagious! I smiled to myself for having such outrageous thoughts cause surely this wasn't any laughing matter. What if it was even more tragic? Like murder? My heart ached by that though, a severe pain stabbed in my chest. The door to my room opened and I turned my head toward it. "Miss Tsukino? How are you feeling?" A nurse peeped in through the door. Her hair was light brown, lips sparkling red. What a beautiful woman. "Just tired is all.." Considering I had been out for 6 hours, it was kinda odd that I was tired. Not just tired I was actually exhausted. How come I only felt that now? "It's because your mind is spinning" "What?" As if she just had read my mind. "Your exhausting. It's common to see with people passing out from overworking their brain. You probably just realized it now right?" Wow at least I was normal on one thing - my body reaction. "I've been filled in with your condition. A doctor will be here soon, in the meantime I will give you some with calming effect." "Will it stop my mind from spinning?" She chuckled "Well it will at least give it some rest. It will block some of the thoughts" It wasn't long till the effect took in after the injection. For the first time in years my mind went blank, It was unbelievable soothing. The nurse left and I was yet again alone in my room. The drugs kept my mind blank and my body's exhausting demanded some "optional rest". I cuddled myself underneath my blanket, keeping myself warm. Just as I was to close my eyes, a face appeared before me. I don't know if it was the drugs or the exhaustion, but the face was blurry and I couldn't make anything of it. My eyes closed in. I was unable to open them again as I had already given in. I wanted to figure out whom it was, but my mind was so cloudy that I couldn't collect my thoughts together. I felt my body dragging me further and further into complete relaxation till I finally had to give in and let me sleep. Maybe, just maybe the person would be there when I woke up.....

I opened my eyes and a bright light hit my vision. I was at the hospital. God I wish he would had taken me to the school nurse instead, even though she probably too would have called an ambulance. Hell - it might as well have been her sending me here. No one was around and I wondered for how long I had been out. I grabbed my cellphone in the drawer next to me. 6 hours had passed - lucky i hadn't been out for a whole day. I had several texts from Aya, Isumi and Daisuke. All asking how I was, what happened and what not. The door to my room moved aside and my rescuer stood in the opening. "Good god you're awake! I'll call a nurse and your family" as he turned around about to call in the whole squat I stopped him. "Wait." He turned around slightly surprised. "What is it?" "Can we talk for a bit?" I asked. I wanted to clear up any thoughts he had about this. "Sure" he closed the door and slowly moved towards me. His face revealed his uneasiness. "We used to play as kids, right?" "Geez, have you forgotten all about me Haruka?" He looked down, avoiding my eyes. So we had known each other far longer than I had expected. The little boy I had seen in my flash back had definitely been him. I couldn't remember his name nor could I recall any other memory than the one I had had encountered earlier. "Im sorry.." I was still arguing with myself whether or not I should tell him about my condition. He would be the first person, aside from my current family and authorities, whom would know. I hadn't even told Aya or Isumi, not even Daisuke, about my condition. Still - I felt like this guy deserved to know I hadn't forgotten about him by choice. "I will explain in  a bit, but first tell me your name" That caught his attention. A hurt expression was planted all over his face. "You don't even remember my name" His eyes began to tear up. Damn it. "I will explain in a bit..." I tried again. "Kaoru" Nothing triggered my memory by that name. "Im terrible sorry Kaoru. When I was ten, I lost my memory. I had to rebuild everything. I don't remember much from my past, and in the process I have had you erased from my memory as well. All but one flash back you triggered." "You mean it was my fault that you passed out?" He was frantic now. "But I guess it's understandable after what happened to you and your parents. That was horri-" "stop!" I had screamed without realizing it. I had stopped him from talking about my past without having it thought through. "Im sorry..." Embarrassed that I had suddenly shouted at him. "Um.. It's okay. I understand." His smile was showing consideration for me. It made me wish I hadn't forgotten about him. "When I try to remember, I get migraine attacks and usually pass out from them. The doctors worry about my health and don't think Im ready to try and remember yet. They're afraid I might go into coma if the pressure is too much" Though I hadn't believed much of this before hand, it suddenly made sense now. I had thought all these years that they were just pretending to be careful but in reality just didn't want me to remember - I had thought that they were overreacting. This time I had actually passed out for so many hours - it had been the longest I had been out. The flash back had have such an impact on my mind that I actually had passed out and not woken up till now. Was it really that dangerous to try and remember my past? I looked at Kauro. He looked so sad and hurt but tried to clench a smile even so. How should I go from here?

The day ended fairly slow... I dazed upon the thoughts Aya had planted in my head... She had let the subject be, and not dug into it further. At lunch no one had brought up my mysterious friend - whom I hadn't caught a glimpse of since then. I began to wish for my memories back, so everything wasn't so damn confusing... I couldn't decide if my curiosity or fear would win this battle of whether or not to trying remember my past. "Ouch..." Great. I had walked with the head in the clouds not paying attention - again... "excuse me.." I mumbled still looking at the ground. I couldn't dare look up "it's okay" I looked up. There he stood. The mysterious guy whom very well could belong to Japans most furious gang or the wickedest band... I liked the idea of him being in a band the best. Then I wouldn't need to deal with a delinquent... Now that I had a closer look to him, I could see his ears which was filled with piercings. He had one in the eyebrow as well. Wow... "Haruka?" He looked at me with a familiar face, like we had known each other for ages. "Wouldn't have thought this should be were I met you again" he said. I was at lost. Should I admit to him that I had amnesia? But I really didn't know yet if I wanted to know anything past my 10th birthday... A sudden glimpse flashed before my eyes. A middle class neighborhood, a playground surrounded by houses, a nice path with trees surrounded me. A boy stood before me, a big smile to his lips as he was drenched wet... I looked down at my self and realized it was pounding down. As fast as it had come just as fast it went by leaving me in a daze followed by a sick headache struck like lightning. "I...I have to go.. Don't.. feel so good" The next thing I knew the world before my eyes crumbled. slowly turning black. My last thought before the darkness encountered me and my consciousness slipped was "Oh god not again"

A cold breeze hit my face - it seemed as summer had yet to come. I was lost yet again in my own thought. Something about that guy... Even though he was a complete stranger, something familiar was around him. As if I used to know him well.. "Haruka, did you know that guy? He greeted you by your first name, didn´t he?" Aya looked at me confused, probably because my expression must haven been as equal confused. At any other time, she would have grabbed the chance of teasing because.. well it was Aya we were talking about after all, but I guess she picked up the awkward silence around me. I could imagine, judging from her tone, that she had already schemed several possible reasons as of why his presence had caught me off guard. (Though I tended to loose my mind to my thoughts all the time...) I smiled at her, trying to hold back my grinning, it was kinda fun, watching her thinking he was some sort of delinquent I would have collided with in the past. "I know what you´re thinking, and no I don't know him. At least I don't think I do... If so - I can't remember him" "He seemed to know you" said Isumi whom had suddenly spoken. It was always a bit of a shock when she opened her mouth. I was so used to she never really joined in on conversation. She always just listened. "Yeah.. I'm kinda confused by that." I would acknowledge. I knew I wouldn't come any closer to an answer by thinking about it. I just couldn't figure it out. "Your boyfriend is here" I was looking in the direction Aya had nodded toward, and when I saw whom she had meant I gave her a stare. "Really? We're just friends" "Doesn't seem like he want to stay that way Haruka" Aya blinked at me, and Isumi giggled a little. Great,,, "Can I join in on the party?" Daisuke had awfully quick come to join in on our little meeting. "I think you may have a rival Kato-kun" Aya had put a playful tune on Daisukes last name. In japan it wasn't uncommon to call each other by last names. Actually it was odd calling people by their first names if you weren't close. Daisuke's expression was mixed, shocked and confused. I didn't know how I should take that so I turned toward Aya and gave her another stare. Seriosuly.. She really was the most mischievous person I would ever had met. Yet she did it out of love, I knew that much. "Rival?" Daisuke finally said. He probably tried to clear up what ever puzzle Aya had left in his mind. "It's nothing, Aya is just more playful than ever". Isumi giggled but stopped as soon as she remembered Daisuke was there. She was so shy it was cute... "Haruka had an encounter in the hall-way" Aya said with a smirk. Before Daisuke could question me further the bell rang and yet another class started. "Guess you wont find out till lunch huh?" Aya clearly had waaaay too much fun with this. As we walked, and left Daisuke behind in complete wonder, Isumi began to feel a little sorry for the guy. "Poor Kato-san..." I didn't really get what was to feel sorry about though. It was not like Daisuke liked me or any thing... "Haruka, either you're a complete airhead or in denial" Aya had her arm placed back at her head, walking while looking slightly up, I swear sometimes she could go for being a dude. "What do you mean?" I couldn't really see what she meant by that, fore surely SURELY there wasn't anything between me and Daisuke. "Either you're oblivious to Kato-san's pretty obvious feelings or you're trying not to pick up on them" There it was. The bomb. The teasing and suggestions. Now she had put them out clear. "I think so too" Isumi added. What even Isumi thought so?! But I couldn't believe it. I wouldn't believe it. Mostly because I knew that it was pretty big for me and my unstable mind to actually make friends. But to add a boyfriend to my life's biggest trail would be impossible. So I wished so dearly it wasn't true... But how could I ever say that to them?

The period ended somewhat peacefully, even though both Yamamoto-san had got quite the shock from my outburst. What was that anyway? Since when did I speak my mind? Clearly both Aya and Isumi was surprised. I guess it doesn't lie within my personality to actually stand up for myself, let alone anyone else."Are you okay?" Aya looked at my with concerned eyes. It was not that the incident actually had shaken me that much, I guess I was on my way to become more sure of myself. I was however shaken. The image from just after seeing Yamamoto-san's furious face had really got under my skin. Even though it had been blurry and had a complete lack of actually context, it had however held some deep emotions. Intense fear had washed over my body - as in "Im-scared-for-my-life-kind-of-fear".That was so weird... I recalled Daisukes past, and remembered just how awful it had been.. I was wise not to dig further into my mind - because I clearly didn't want to remember something as horrible as that!"HARUKA!" Aya had stepped in front of me, looking rather scared for mt well-being now. I guess I lost track of time and buried myself into thoughts."Sorry! I was just thinking. I am totally fine! I was just surprised by my own sudden outburst, hehe" I winked and smiled like nothing specific was on my mind."Good... It's pretty often you completely forget your surroundings. Is something bothering you?"She was clearly concerned and Isumi seemed to listen with a close ear. Was I really that zombie-ish? "Mom's birthday is comming up. I have been twisting my mind back and forth but I REALLY can't figure out what to give her!" I seemed pretty pathetic for telling such a lie, who in their right mind would seem to loose track of time and surroundings, even freeze in arguments, over their mothers birthday... Now that I thought about it, I kinda wished I could go back in time.. dammit I seemed lame! Aya and Isumi seemed to buy it though - either they figured out I was lieing in knew I wasn't in a mood to talk about my problems, or they just believed me... I wished it was the second choice, but judging from their faces, it was rather the first option. Dammit. We continue walking down the school halls, on our way down stairs to catch some fresh air before 2. period started. I threw my worries aside and started join in on Isumi and Aya's conversation and not long after it seemed like everything was ever so fine. On our way outside a person passed my left side. A guy - at least 190 cm tall - wild bleached hair with blue stripes in it. Ripped black jeans with chains attached to them, a black t-shirt with print of an angle in darkness, black eyeliner around his eyes.What a dude.."Haruka" he said as he passed by. What? Did he just say my name? I turned around, he kept looking straight so I couldn't get a second look on his face. Further and Further he walked in our opposite direction. Who the heck was that?  

***Quick message! I came across a lot of misspelling and wrong sentence construction. I appologize for my lack of knowledge in the English writing department. I started to read novels in English (Vampire academy to be precise) and I do wish to become better. Please bear with me for now*** 1. period of the day started with a lot of whispering and staring in the corners. How I hated to be noticed by others so much. It was as if everyone was watching my every move. It didn't help that Daisuke tended to gaze upon me with clearly different glance. What was he doing? "SIELNCE" shouted the teacher whom just entered the classroom with a briefcase under his left arm. It was Yamamoto-san, our math teacher. He was always so strict and had zero tolerance toward any of us. "Whatever you're discussing can very well wait till after class!" He slammed his briefcase on his desk and I nearly jumped off my seat in chok. Apparently Daisuke had seen my pathetic act and he burst out in laguther, Well sorry for being jumpy... "KATO-SAN! do you wish to share your enjoyment to the class?" Yamamoto-san shouted. His eyes widened in anger. "No..No Yamamoto-san. Sorry" he said trying to stop giggling. "Whatever that is so funny, you can go laugh it off outside. GO" As I said - zero tolerance. Daisuke continued giggling all the way out of the classroom, which annoyed Yamamoto-san even more. As Daisuke passed me seat he winked at me. What was that about? Daisuke entered the hallway and closed the door after him. "Damn foreginers" mumbled Yamamoto-san. I was not one for meddling, and absolutely not one for having all the attention on me, but I couldn't keep my mouth shot. How could he make such racist comment toward a student? "How dare you talk like that to him!" I surprised myself as of how loudly I had shouted. The whole class was stunned. Everyone looked at me surprised, even Yamamoto-san clearly dropped his jaw. I guess he didn't expected that from me. "Excuse me?" was the only thing he manage to say. It accrued to me that I had no idea what I was doing... I just hated the comment. "As a teacher its incredible unappropriated to express such a comment toward a student, or anyone else for that matter." I knew I was right, and no one laughed or proved me wrong - but Yamamoto's face turned red. I couldn't tell what he would do and the whole thing reminded me of something. A quick images flew across my mind. In a dark room, or entrence hall I think it is, a dark man figure stand before me. I can't quiet make anything out of the scenery. It's like a childish horror drawing, very little details, yet creepy enough to considering sending the kid off to a mental hospital. I was cast back to reality, Yamamoto-san stood before my desk looking awkwardly worried about me. "Are you okay?" He asked me. I realized I had frozen. Right there and then. Apparently he had trying talking to me, used varioused arguments so he didn't appear any kind of racistic, but my mind had long forgotten his awful comment toward Daisuke. I was occupied by this strange sensation the image had left me. What was that? A memory?