Self aware witty comment to catch your attention

The kind of blog you obsessively scroll for hours wondering what the hell is the matter with this guy. Always at the risk of sounding like an egomaniac.

To all the porn bot accounts who keep following me. Tighten your electronic bra straps..You're in for a wilde one!

every time you hurt me emotionally i transform into a little victorian boy chimney sweep with big ol sad eyes and i look up at you sadly. you become infatuated and step closer and i eat you whole in one bite.

if you stop loving your girl after she transforms into a arthropoidal death god-creature from any sane man's nightmares. hit me up. i'll take her off your hands.

Kids these days are so much smaller than they used to be. When I was their age they were all my height. In fact everything was much larger. The world is shrinking. I miss when everything was big.

Doctor thwere's nothing wrong with me i'm litreallybjust lazy. stop diagnosing me with shit. no. im just lazy doctor i dobt want mental disorders. doctor please.

You fucking posers talk so much game about hating Freud but if he came back from the dead and asked you to do meth with him you wouldn't even be able to find the willpower to decline. U'd also get addicted. Lame ass girlies. Gtfo

Damn gurl. Your manipulative tendencies and eastern european ancestry kind of give me a boaner. My fucking pussy lips are on the floor soaking shit up rn thinking about it. They had to get the janitor.

Colonization was lowkey kinda racist.

I think people who think they are just like Scott Pilgrim deserve really good head. Like go into the restaurant and everybody claps. You are literally so so so based dude I cannot fucking even. Please do go on about your band and how you want to date somebody just like Ramona. Kiss me like you kiss Quebecois girls.