not the hero

Hero: "Hey, stop that."

Villain, fiddling with their cuffs: "Why? Is being uncomfortable in handcuffs a crime?"

Hero: "You're not getting out of them."

Villain: "They're fucking handcuffs. A twelve year old could get out of them. Come on, they hurt. Could you at least loosen them?"

Hero: "Yeah no, I'm not falling for that."

Villain: "It's not a trick, you fucking nimrod."

Villain: "Heroing. Heroin? Heroine? Hero-ing--"

Hero: "Why?"

Villain: "Because you died, stupid. I can't let villains rule my city. Besides, it's my turn to get to be the hero."

Hero: "Well, I'm back now."

Villain: "Too bad. Move your feet, lose your seat."

Hero: "That's not--"

Villain: "Tell you what, you can be my sidekick."

The hero, sitting on the ground holding their broken hand, looks up. "It's never not worked."

The villain sighs. "The starship is made from literal compressed star. You can't just punch through it. Do you even know how your race's powers work?"

The hero: "Well, I'm a little too busy trying to stop villains and alien invasions to study my powers, sorry."

The villain sits in their cell, mumbling to themself. They stand accused of murdering a hero -- their arch nemesis.

But they've never killed anyone before. And they couldn't have killed the invincible hero because their power is only resurrection. It's impossible.

They don't know who killed the hero, but they're about to find out. And when they do, that person will suffer for their crimes.

Villain: "Are you insulting my artwork?"

Hero: "Is that what you do all day? Paint?"