Untitled

You choose someone who looks like Wiz Khalifa over me. It doesn't matter anyways. You ruined everything. But things weren't great. You were actually a really shitty boyfriend. But you being as shitty as you were, I still loved you and wanted to be your everything. I wanted you to choose me. I wanted all the bullshit I went through because of you to be worth something. I wanted you to just be broken, but fixable. That you had some things that you couldn't control, but ultimately you loved me and only me. I wanted that more than anything to justify the time I wasted with you. They say that time isn't wasted if you were happy. But we weren't. You definitely weren't. I hope you chose wrong. I hope that this was the worst decision of your entire life. I need it to be. But this is real life. There isn't any happy endings. There is no bad people getting punish. Unless I was the bad person. This feels like punishment. I've been being punished my entire life. Like...my whole life has been one miserable event after another. I'm tired of being punished. I'm so sorry for whatever I did to be punished. I try so so hard to be a good person. Like...nothing in my life goes well. Since I was a child, people hated me and wanted me to suffer. In books these kinds of people get a happy ending. But thats fictional. There are millions of people who are good, but shitty things happen over and over. I can't sleep anymore. I take sleeping pills but they don't work. I have nightmares. This whole situation has given me nightmares. I dont want to dream about you anymore. I used to dream about finding my one true love. Then I met you and I didnt have those dreams anymore. I dreamt about you. Now my dreams about you haunt me. They terrify me. They make me so sad. I have adhd. So chemically, there isn't alot to make me happy. You did. You took that away with a bunch of other shit. Im so fucking devastated. You moved on so easily. Its unfair. But it hurts to cry. Did you know that if you cry everyday, your eyes get swollen and then it literally, physically hurts to cry? I just found out.

He's moved on. He did that while we were still together. Its time for me to move on too.

I miss you so much it hurts. I'm so pathetic.

You broke my heart so much. Loke, you were truly evil. So why do I still miss you? I hate being inlove. This shit sucks so bad when you fall inlove with someone so demonic. It still hurts that you choose her. Everything was a lie. The worst part about you hurting me is that she hurt me too. You were supposed to protect me and you fed me to her on a silver platter. You watched as she feasted on my insecurities ans anxieties. You did nothing to stop her, you only encouraged it. You hated me. You punished me for loving you because I wasn't what you wanted. You didn't have to punish me. You didn't have to hurt me the way you did. But you did. The things you did, what you put me through. No one would belive that shit. No one could be so stupid like I was. I was so so so stupid.

You could have just left me alone.

You chose her. Every single time. I hope it makes you sad. I pray you chose wrong with everything inside me. I hope she makes you suffer more than anything. I also hope that every single say you regret deeply for not choosing me.