The Caregiver

@notsoblessedmasha

He’d been running from Masha, tail between his legs, ever since he’d stupidly went out in search of some help. Wes had thought he’d be able to relax a second or two after the group set out to leave. His first guess that wasn’t gonna happen was when he went over to Kane’s vehicle and saw Ladi riding shotgun.

But he’d managed to avoid Masha. It was easy given they were confined to vehicles most of the day. Wes simply slept most of the time or singing to shitty music, nonsensical conversation with the kid or Patty.

The burnt healed, though. Better than any of his others. H probably should thank her. He never considers it seriously. 

He in fact still hasn’t considered it seriously even when he’s out scouting for supplies. Wes never went out far, figuring it was best to start closer to the vehicles. Stepping into the room any thoughts he had about what this room could possibly have that was useful goes out the fucken window.

Masha’s already in there.

For a split second, he’s frozen. If he runs off – again – it’s just pathetic. Not that he wants to speak to her. So. He stays. For a few seconds, he decides. He’ll pretend to look through things. Not speak to her and leave once he’s been in her long enough, pretending he had shitty luck.  So. He does that.

At least, he tries to. Wes is spinning around some keyholder thing. Hooks on spins of tacky souvenir type deals. It creaks. And… it falls.

“Fucken… shit…” Wes scrambles to pick it back up. Beads hitting the floor, things falling off and bouncing everywhere.

Masha figured the cowboy, Weisley, was avoiding her, and had once witnessed him literally turn full circle to do so back at the base. That... bothered her but initially at least she was a tad grateful that he was keeping his distance if she was being honest with herself. She wasn’t sure what to even say to him after their last encounter, and somehow a friendly hello as they passed by each other seemed not enough? Too much? Both of those things. She knew a rather intimate part of him now that he didn’t go around sharing, who the hell would?

She let him be. Partly out of her own ineptitude and partly because she was busy, no sense in prying into the world of someone who clearly didn’t want you in it. Masha didn’t go out of her way to avoid him she just allowed him to steer clear. Didn’t approach him. So she was a bit surprised when he entered the same room she was scouring and didn’t immediately leave. She glanced up, recognized him, and looked away, casually moving behind some shelves when she saw him; pretending to be busy looking at things. Well not really pretending she was actually looking at things she wasn’t just in there dallying around. But she looked with a bit more forceful purpose, as if to prove she was minding her own business.

And the both of them were content to do that, mind their own business in an aloof manner. Until Weisley knocked over a souvenir stand, making as much noise in the quiet room as possible in the process. Masha looked over sharply at the commotion, a laugh escaping her despite herself. She covered her mouth and quelled it, clearing her throat. “I think the shop keeper will forgive you if you just leave the mess.” she joked. Masha stepped closer, choosing a counter to lean on.

Masha makes sense. Everything she says is exactly what Ezra would’ve said to anyone else in this situation. Don’t let the Bad Guys win. If Ezra found it in himself to speak to Daniel right after Syke’s murder he’d have probably said something similar. Giving in to that attack from Syke’s was meaning he won. Right? Ezra can’t believe any of that. The demon’s gone but the hands that did its work are still right here, holding a lighter. It doesn’t feel right to say he was a victim in all of this.

She mentions the Adderall and Ezra hates the fact he’s even surprised. Of course she did her inventory after their strange encounter. It… he wasn’t as smart as he thought pocketing the pills like that.

Everything she says is probably the right thing to say to anyone after experiencing something like this. Ezra should be reacting with… thanks. Gratitude. Maybe even acceptance and take this an opportunity to make Masha someone else he could trust to help patch over what fractures the demon brought about. 

Instead, he’s tensing under the hand on his arm. Moreso as she squeezes tighter and curses that demon. He presses his lips together tighter. 

“I swapped out Justin’s Seroquel with Adderall,” Ezra says quietly, “It… it only knew what… it only knew what it could do because I knew that he needed that medication. That– it w– that it wouldn’t go down well ‘cause I knew it.”

He’s hearing every word she’s saying but he’s not internalizing it, she can see that written on his face and tense body. Guilt was a hard thing to let go of, and she should be one to talk. She held on to unnecessary guilt all the time. It stopped her from speaking plainly even to those she loved and that she knew loved her back. Ladislav for instance, it was ridiculous the amount of time she had let pass before she spoke to him again, and entirely unnecessary. All of that pain for what? Nothing, it did no one any good, not then and not here. But that wasn’t going to stop it, not that easily. Guilt was just too powerful a force to swat away with reason and logic. 

It was such a dangerous emotion, and those that deserved it the least felt it the most. Oh Ezra, she wracked her brain for any other way to alleviate his pain. She knew he didn’t necessarily want her hand on him right now, knew he wanted to hide away and smoke and regret and brood and beat himself up, but he needed to really hear her words. Before he let himself be too far gone. So she kept her hand there, even when he confessed. She had to stop herself from retracting, she wasn’t a damned fool and hated that she felt repulsed by what the demon had made Ezra do. But thankfully her will to be there for Ezra was stronger than her meekness this time. 

Seroquel was an Antipsychotic, and Ezra knew she’d know precisely how switching that out with Adderall would turn out. Depending on the particular disorder it was treating, the consequences would be severe. She gulped, “That is... the work of a demon for sure. To use what you know against you. But Ezra...” She rubbed his arm and shifted in front of him, putting her other hand on his shoulder, “Do you still have the Seroquel? Maybe that is something that can be undone, made right for Justin. And I have a feeling it will help you too.” If he did, then what was done could be undone, and if he did not, maybe they could find some or an alternative. She had a strong feeling that putting right whatever the demon put wrong would make Ezra feel a hundred times better.

Charlie hasn’t been making a fuss of much of anything since they started to move. Aside from the first night after they’d hit the road, he decided to stick more to himself than usual. He still kept an eye out though, too many years of paranoia pounded into him meant he didn’t stop scanning for danger. 

The tower might have gone down but they weren’t safe. Far from it. In just a visitor center, it would be too easy for something to go seriously awry before anyone noticed. So when he’d seen Masha sneak off towards the woods, he’d kept an eye out. Last thing anyone wanted was their nurse to get wounded for her privacy. 

“The one an’ only.” He answered her question, his own voice friendly. He still felt bad about what he’d said to her the last time they’d spoken. If he could make it up by making sure she was safe, then it was better than nothing. 

“You doin’ okay Masha?” He could hear the fear in her voice, and took a step forward, crossbow slung across his back where he could get it at quick if need be. 

Her shoulders relaxed when she heard his voice, of course it was him. “Sorry the sun is at my back and I just wanted to make sure it was you.” She smiles, apologizing and rolling her eyes at herself. Charlie was no threat in her mind, the man was far too sweet a person to be one. She continues forward towards him now before she hears something, or thinks she does. Something scraping against a tree trunk maybe. She whirls around and pauses. Nothing. She continues on.

“These woods are a bit odd.” She says as she nears him, keeping her voice down for a reason she can’t place. “So what are you doing out here? Is this place good for hunting?” She changes the subject slightly to him, wondering if he was out getting food. She hadn’t known it from meeting him at first but apparently Charlie was an excellent hunter and the only reason the group had any fresh meat. An impressive thing in her mind.

The sun is setting now and Masha is making her way back from a considerable distance of having ‘taken care of business’ so to speak. Going to bathroom while on the move was... more complicated than she had ever considered. Masha’d been brought up in a ladylike manner and going to the bathroom outside certainly wasn’t very ladylike, but well working toilets were a luxury now. She was lucky enough if she could locate a private and hidden area to pop a squat, a thing she was willing to hold for quite a while in order to locate. She was even willing to risk wandering around on her own for it.

The silence was nice, if deafening, there weren’t even birds chirping. Which was odd to her, there was always birds, or at least the chirp of a cricket. But nothing. A snap of a twig that isn’t her own foot goes unregistered to her own untrained senses, and keeps on, walking without any real urgency or suspicion. The sun is almost entirely set now and the dark is threatening, she speeds up.

On her way she’s startled to find a figure in the distance but figures out who it is after a moment of standing still and focusing. “Charlie?” She calls uncertainly. “Is that you?” There’s a hint of fear in the uncertainty of her voice.

Nothing is her answer and there’s a twinge of sympathy for her. Danny had been up close to Ezra whilst he was possessed and even he couldn’t tell for a while. “You aren’t the only one, don’t worry.”

Masha steps closer to him and he holds himself stiffly. It’s uncomfortable but he appreciates the way she’s lowering her voice, clearly concerned about anyone over-hearing. It’s more considerate than he’d expect from anyone, let alone someone who’s dealt with him. But maybe that’s why she can be so kind. Masha was removed enough from the situation to understand that something was wrong with Ezra. Even if she couldn’t place it.

‘He told me you were just having a difficult time.’ Oh. He stops and blinks at her and… he doesn’t know what to do with himself. That hits him hard. Harder than he expects. It creates too vivid an image in his mind: Danny, desperately trying to defend him to Masha and only to end up so desperately wrong for standing up for him. It’s another thing he had to apologize for. How much more was there? He threatens to spiral, then. Ezra can feel it creeping up on him. More questions, a want to press for details only so he can torture himself with it. ‘A difficult time’. Was too kind a phrase for how he wa– So he stops. 

Removes himself from that imagined moment, tries to step out of the story as though he was simply observing. 

He has to start explaining himself. It’s not something he should keep a secret. It’d be… dangerous.  If he can find one good thing from this whole fucking ordeal is that now Daniel and Masha both know what a demon feels like to be around. That’s all he can find. 

Ezra tries to answer with a neutral tone. It’s a forced distance he fails to keep up the entire time. “In the monolith, Danny and– Daniel was behind the rest of you. Three demons shut the door and he took down two of them and…” Ezra absentmindedly flicks the lighter, still nothing from it, “And one of them left with us. He. It’s gone, now.” 

Her ignorance distresses Ezra in a way she can’t fully understand in detail, causing more ignorance. And by now she’s really beginning to feel a strong sympathy for him. So much stronger now that he isn’t surrounded by a shroud of darkness.

It crosses her mind that he doesn’t perhaps know what to say, or how much to tell her. She considers that she understands why he’d want to keep that from her, how it would feel private and shameful. She knows how valuable that information could be to her, but his feelings override her desire for it now. Guilt for pushing him washes over her and her hands wring as she decides not to push him.

He calls Daniel “Danny”, a corner of her mouth tugs up at that, it’s cute, but what comes after isn’t. A demon attached itself to Ezra? That was the stuff of horror movies, she had no clue that they could do that. Well, yes she did, she did have a clue. The Vatican itself participated in exorcisms, she knew they existed accord to the church, they were just rare. No one she had ever known had been a victim of a demon in that way. Not in anything but fiction.

But it’s gone now, that’s the important part. The how and the why are also important but Ezra isn’t the person to ask of that and anyhow, he’s finding it difficult to even say as much. “It is gone, that is good news Ezra. I am happy about that.” She says a bit breathlessly, not realizing how tight her chest had gotten. “This demon, it effected you yes? Whatever it made you do Ezra, the adderall...” She said this in a whisper, carefully letting him know that she had found out what he took later when she had done inventory, “Please do not put that on your shoulders, that would make that demon very happy. If it knew that it hurt you as much as anyone. I think that would make that demon very happy indeed. ‘Fuck that guy.’ Fuck that demon yes?” Masha reached out and touched his arm lightly at first, and then squeezing it as she cursed the demon first in her mother tongue and then in english. 

It was quite late now, and the more Masha stared at her bible and then the wall the less she was actually reading anything. So she shut the book, placing her rosary as the bookmark and taking a deep breath. 

She should commend her brother really, he had avoided her as carefully as she had avoided him, and they were both quite masterful at it despite their apartments being right across from one another. She’d even gone so far as to be especially quiet her rooms, as if he could hear her very footsteps and the ruffle of her clothes. Meanwhile her own ears strained and acutely prickled at any noise that might be his. Made louder by the silence of night, she could hear him now, his door shut behind him. He’d been out, doing what? So late too?

If she was going to speak to him ever again she’d have to go to him eventually, he was giving her space, letting her go to him. She didn’t know if that was out of kindness to her own well known personality or if he just didn’t want to speak to her out of newfound hate. She disliked both possibilities, she just wanted him to burst through the door and call her stupid for avoiding him like this. Demand to know if she hated him now, ask her what the fuck. Anything. Anything but this silence.

Masha was willing now to break that silence. She had the nerve, and the reasoning, what’s more it was urgent that they speak now. She didn’t know why but she feared that he might leave with the group, abandon their base, abandon her. She just wanted to know that wasn’t true for certain. She needed confirmation, needed to hear it from him.

She rises from the sitting position on the edge of her bed and holds her bible to her breast. Her white knuckles evidence of her unease even if her expression is blank. Slipping on a cardigan over her pajamas she looks around for anything else she can take, a useless errand, her objects of possession were not many and there wasn’t anything needed to carry herself over to his door other than herself. Stalling.

She takes another deep breath and just goes, shutting her door behind her carefully and slowly stepping up to his, rapping on the front of it gently. Masha never used to knock, she’d just let herself in, comfortable enough to do as much even when he wasn’t there. But now it seemed the barrier between them called for precaution. Called for knocking at his door carefully. 

“Ladislav, brother, It’s me.” Masha calls, rapping at the door again, speaking their mother tongue.

“I think it will take some getting used to. I am glad that I am still with my favorite people.”

“I try not to make them bad memories, but there is something about bad memories that sticks to your mind isn’t there?”

“The she-wolf. I remember when I was little I used to hate it, the ending is so abrupt, but I never forgot it and kept asking my grandmother to tell it when she was alive because it was her favorite. But even when grandmother was gone I would think about it and later came to understand it and love it. It isn’t for us to judge the she-wolf or know what became of her after the story ends because she is free, set free by her son to be who she is. I think that’s beautiful.”

“There’s a line because we’ll be leaving,” Nora says calmly, though a slight frown forms on her face. It didn’t seem like that hard of a concept to understand. “As far as I know, not all of you will be coming with us.” She doesn’t argue it anymore, doesn’t see the point and so far, this conversation is turning out to be more childish than she imagined it would be. Her frown only deepens at Masha’s next words. 

“I don’t teach children,” Nora says bluntly back to the woman. “You want to learn to fight, you’ll come to me like an adult. Don’t think I’m obligated to do anything for you.” It’s a cold thing to say, but she says it all the more. She can’t let people think that they’ll get their way with her if they throw a tantrum and stomp their foot a few times. Nora would teach the girl, if that’s what she wanted. But beyond that, she has no obligation or desire to make her do anything she didn’t want to do. 

“Leaving?” That part of what Nora’s saying is much more important to her than anything else she says, and quickly deals with the conversation in finality. And quickly, “If you are leaving then whatever I do is none of your business. Not that it was before, since you know nothing about my marks or what they mean.” Or cost, it was implied, but not said. She nodded once, flashing teeth in what was supposed to be a smile but ended up more of a mockery of one, leaving Nora behind her.

Masha had her limits in regards to demands and Nora’d hit hers a while ago, especially given she wasn’t even a patient she had to deal with. Besides, if her group was leaving then she had to make a few checks with her people. Kane, his brother had been part of the new group, he probably wasn’t going to abandon his brother now that he’d found him. Ladislav, she didn’t think he might leave but she had to make sure. Rachel, Rory, a few others, she didn’t fancy being parted from the people she’d made friends with.

Jack nods, rolling back on his heels and taking a better look around while he waits. No sign of anyone waiting to ambush or any such nonsense, which was a good sign. He still wasn’t sure what he was gonna do if he couldn’t find a replacement hose. 

Alone and on foot hadn’t been a good luck ten years ago, and it sure as hell wasn’t now. 

His musings were cut short when the woman reappeared. “No harm no foul, might check out that trader you pointed out. I appreciate the ask though. Not many people willing to go out on a limb for strangers these days. I appreciate it.”

She was a bright and shiny kind of woman. Something he wasn’t used to these days. Reminded him a bit of Catherine when she’d first gotten out of school. Hard not to smile, a genuine one, not that shit eating grin reserved for assholes on the road. He took her hand and shook it. 

“Jack. Jack Wesson. Nice to have met you  Masha.” 

Masha returned his genuine smile, it came easy to her, it usually did but especially when someone smiled at her first. She shook his hand firmly, it was a warmer hand then her own thin cold one, and was a bit jealous at that. “No trouble at all Jack, do not be a stranger. If we see more of you and you run into any medical trouble Doctor Rachel Van Allen and I tend to anyone who needs it.” She threw in the offer as she let his hand go, letting him know that should medical assistance be required and they either crossed paths again or he decided to follow, they were at his disposal.

He can’t quite see her face from here, but the tone of her voice says that she isn’t really sure what he’s talking about. Which is fair. If he hadn’t worked on cars as much as he had, he wouldn’t have had a damn clue what had gone wrong. 

He took a look in the direction she’d pointed, to where there was an honest to god Mustang parked. No clue how he’d missed it. Hopefully the dude didn’t get his back up before he could ask about the hose. People were tetchy these days. 

Still her comment that there might be people willing to help inside, that she didn’t like the whole trading business gave him a little bit of hope. Not much, since it was the perfect line to draw someone in, but more than he had been. 

“If you’re willing to just, help me out I’d appreciate it. But things being what they are, I’ve got something to pay for the trouble. Cash of a new kind.” He shrugged, not even sure if she’d be able to see it from the distance. 

She wonders if it’s pride or just simple assurance that he can pay that makes him mention that he’s still willing to fork over something for the help. But whatever it is she has a feeling that if Rory doesn’t have what he needs then he might have to fork up something after all. Not everyone in the group was susceptible to her arm twisting.

“Sure. Um, let me go ask.” Masha turned on her heel and left, by now finding it strange talking to someone at a distance enough to the point where she’d approach him when she came back.

A quick check with Rory told her that no, he didn’t really keep spare parts for vehicles that weren’t his own and she was out of luck. So that was the exhaust of her one resource. Disappointed she returned, crossing the invisible line that they had drawn up earlier and coming right up to him. “Nothing, sorry. But I only asked Rory, he’s the big guy. I don’t know about anyone else. You are free to ask around if you like, and if you do not find what you want you can ride with Rachel and I in our ambulance. I hate the thought of someone out here at night by themselves. Or like you said, without wheels. We have a lot of people in our group so one more is easy.” She winked, waving off any thoughts he might have about being an intrusion. 

“My name is Masha by the way, MashaDoroteaJankovic.” She holds out her hand to shake his, just in case she won’t get the opportunity to speak to him again.

“Truck, but yeah.” Jack hollered back. “Blew a hose a mile or two back.” He gestured with his thumb over his shoulder. 

He could see the woman standing a bit away, small and blonde. She might be harmless and willing to help. Might also just want to take what he had for herself. He’d learned that lesson the hard way not so long ago, and had the scars from the knife wounds to show for it. 

“I’ve got some tools, and food for trade if anybody has a hose.” He made

He wanted to explain himself. That he was by himself, and wasn’t some scout for a group looking to raid whoever was holed up here. But he didn’t know what kind of people he was dealing with. He wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt. Hope they’d be willing to help him without any trouble. 

“Just trying to get moving again. Not too keen on being without wheels if you get my drift.” 

He settled onto his back foot, feeling the weight of the knapsack on his back. He had some canned food, what was left of the Jerky he’d found a few weeks back in Nevada and some tools he’d picked up along the way. Not much, but if they needed it and had a hose he’d be in luck. Better than trying to find a working hose on one of the abandoned vehicles left along the highway. 

“Oh.” She nods in false understanding, having no idea what a hose is for or what it does in a car or more specifically this man’s truck. Maybe it had something to do with gas? She doesn’t spend long trying to figure that out, it’s not a skillset she was ever enthusiastic about, the whole ordeal seeming too grimy and frankly unpleasant for her to want to reach her hands in on the inside of car and begin messing with it. It was... bratty perhaps, and a little backwards that blood didn’t deter her but car grease did but exactly how many things was one person meant to learn anyhow? She got along just fine letting others handle the vehicles. 

“Yes of course. Um, I am medical so I do not know a thing about trucks or cars so I can not help you but I know a few people who might? There is also a trader somewhere over there...” She pointed behind her, “Who might have what you need?” She shrugged. “We have some people in our group who are good with fixing things too if you need help with that. I can make him do it for free too. I do not like this trade system people seem to have going on. I think if people need help you should just give it.” Masha shrugged again, shifting her stance to a more relaxed one. “Life is hard enough right now without people being stingy right?”

Jack wasn’t sure what he was doing anymore. The desert of Nevada had faded away weeks ago, and he’d made a beeline back to Maryland. Hoping that somehow Siobhan might have holed up back in town, or that there might be some clue of the rest of his siblings. 

No such luck, instead he’d found a firebombed shell of the town he’d spent the better part of twenty years building a life in. His shop had been in shambles, but the stash under the backroom was still intact somehow. 

Armed with his tools, and a better arsenal than he’d had when those bastards had left him for dead he’d kept moving north. If Siobhan had survived, she’d have headed for Jersey where Matthew had been holed up the last time they’d heard from him. 

So he’d followed the path she would have taken. Probably useless, but with the world gone to hell it wasn’t like he had a lot of options. Especially not by himself. Now he had even less. The damn truck had blown a hose a mile or so back, and he didn’t have the parts to fix it. 

Looking at the Flying J Travel Center and seeing the number of vehicles out front, he was hoping there was somebody there who’d be willing to make a trade. He had some tools, and extra food in his pack, and he was hoping that he might be able to get some help. 

“Okay Jack, let’s do this.” He muttered to himself stepping forward, hands in the air. “I’m lookin’ to make a trade. Parts for food, if you’ve got what I’m looking for.” 

Masha took a moment to stretch her legs and observe nothing in particular while outside the Flying J Travel Center, enjoying the warmth of the sun more than anything. She’d quite forgotten what it felt like to have its rays warm you to the bone. It was still too cold for her rather slight figure to warrant not wearing a coat but she unzipped it to let in the sun. As though she could pocket its rays inside her shell and keep them for later.

A romantic and idle thought that she probably shouldn’t be having out in the open in a place outside of the walls. But Masha wasn’t there yet, at a constant high alert. She stubbornly refused to be there yet, to find enjoyment where she could, to make meaning out of this life she was still leading. Too often she observed others just existing that she saw it as a warning. Masha pondered this ironically while someone came up to their group of cars, and startled her. This didn’t bode well for a particular side of her earlier argument.

“Trade?” She repeated, calming down quickly and gathering herself, she was very lucky he wasn’t anyone hostile. If he had wanted to he could have just shot her right there out in the open and passed by. None would have been the wiser, an ugly thought. “Parts, do you mean for a car?” She called, some distance still between them. She cupped a hand over her eyebrow to shield the sun from her eyes in order to get a better look at him.

The girl goes off then and Nora just stands there, listens. She gets it, she does. She’s not as cold hearted as she puts off sometimes. She understands that it would be easier to let someone else do all the dirty work, to just go back to being a nurse without having to worry about monsters and fighting and protecting oneself. But if the girl things that the world will allow her to do that, she’s delusional. 

“Bullshit,” Nora spits again at the girl’s assessment of the situation. “There’s always something bigger and badder,” she tells her. “If you’re not prepared for it, the next time something comes for your group, your stupid luck won’t carry you through. It will all have been for nothing.” The words may be harsh, they may be cold and callous, but Nora truly believes them. There’s no going back to just being a nurse for Masha. Hell would have felt the falling of one of its own. She doubted that just because the monolith was empty and crumbled, that nothing would come seeking some kind of vengeance. 

Something surprises her more than anything the woman says, and Masha begins to feel bitter about it, even angry. “My group?” She shifts, daring the harsh woman’s disapproval with a narrowing of her eyes. “You say ‘my group’ like we have not all been living together and fighting together for all this time. You say ‘my group’ like we did not share our resources and skills with all of you. Exactly how long are you and the people that came with you going to draw a line between everyone? It is so childish.” She turns her back, angry now, frustrated in general with everyone and everything at present. She’s not really expecting an answer, but she does answer her in turn.

“I will talk to Daniel, but I hope you know how to teach someone because I am going to come to you too. If you want me to fight you will have to show me.” Masha declared, shrugging as she walked up to Nora. “And I warn you, I am really bad at it so far so... there!” That felt like a victory of some sort, of what she wasn’t sure, but it did anyway. “Otherwise you personally can not expect a single damn thing of me.” There was the zinger.

She shouts his name in surprise and she sounds… excited? He looks up with a frown, watching her and the flood of memories comes despite his best efforts.

He’d stolen pills from her. Used some petty thief’s trick to distract her so he could leave with that tub of Adderall. That container still sat in the RV, filled with Justin’s medication. He feels sick, again. Why would she even be slightly happy to see him? Masha stared him down. Took the pills from him like he was a danger to himself. He was, technically. It wasn’t him, technically. Still, he doesn’t want to know what she thinks of him now. But she tells him just that.

‘Strange’ was an understatement. It takes a moment for it to click that Masha doesn’t know what happened. She hasn’t been told he was possessed. Far as he’s aware, Danny’s the only one who knows. 

“Better?” That single word is all he manages to say after the sudden tirade of her excited rambles. His frown grows deeper. Realization hits. “Oh.”

White marks. Just like Danny.

“Yeah… I’m better,” he begins, slowly dragging the words out because he doesn’t know what to say. There’s the urge to explain everything but he can’t. They’re not his sins but it feels like it. His body did everything. His mouth did all the talking. Even if he didn’t decide to do it, he felt responsible for every single thing. 

Ezra tucks the smoke into a pocket as he stands up. He makes sure not to get to close, instead holds a hand out for the light he’d thrown at her, other stuffed into his pocket, “Sorry ‘bout that.” He’ll thank her quietly for it. 

He turns the lighter over in his hands, something to fidget with now that’s it’s useless and empty. It feels wrong to stand close to her – close to anyone – and he’s stepping back, head down, staring at the lighter because it’s easier than having to watch her.

“What do you know?”

Masha steps closer and hands him the lighter, unable to stop looking at him and feeling like she was doing so with fresh eyes. The stark difference in how he felt before and now something she wished she could convey to him properly. 

She can’t help but notice how he wants to put distance between them now though, distance and a shell, not that he was an open book before but she had been on the receiving end of his kindness then. When he was himself that is, she doesn’t even think to count the time she caught him in the clinic office. The two Ezra’s not registering as the same people to her subconscious.

Masha folds her hands in front of her and lets him step back as much as he would like, thinking over her answer to his question, what did she know.“Nothing, I always seem to know nothing. After... well, you know, I went to Daniel and asked him if you were alright because you felt...” She looks up at the sky, trying to find the right non-offensive words, but she can’t seem to find any and looks around to be certain there aren’t any listeners. She steps in closer and lowers her voice, “I thought maybe it was all in my head but Daniel had told me to let him know if I felt anything wrong because he did and you just... felt wrong. You feel fine now, I do not feel a thing like I did before. And anyway he told me you were just having a difficult time?” Masha’s eyes search him and she’s more curious than cautious now, because now that Ezra’s fine the question of what was with him comes up. Was it really just all in her head? Looking back on it it’s easy to question a feeling and dismiss it, forget the potency of it. 

The desire to make sense of it now is strong, because what if she gets it in her head that someone else feels wrong? She wants to know her limits, the quirks and ticks of her new senses. Most of all she doesn’t want to make a mistake with them. The mistake seeming much more dire than any success to her.