Letters To You

God bless the people who appreciate the hoops that we jump through in cell phone sales to make their lives easier. May they continue to bless my pockets with 100 dollar bills.

Mother’s Day was rough. I feel like I progress in my personal growth, like I’ve stopped convincing myself you were unreachable on a missionary trip saving lives and accepted that you’re watching over me and living your best life in heaven. It makes me smile. Thinking about you chilling with your Boy Mac Miller. Retelling stories of how we would scream rap his songs and you’d mess up all his lyrics. More often then I’d like though I’m sad. I feel abandoned and while I’m prouder than I’ve ever been of myself, it’s irrelevant when I can’t pick up the phone and hear your support. People lose parents. People lose spouses. I’ve never been scared of death, and to take it one step forward, honestly I’ve celebrated it. But mom you were so much more than my mom. You were honestly my best friend. There’s not a soul on this earth that knows as many of my secrets. I love you. You didn’t fall short, mom. I know you think you did. I know your family thinks you did. But no one knows you like me and I swear on my baby’s unborn life that I wouldn’t have traded you for anything. What we have is special. It didn’t end in that hospital room and I think that’s why you never said goodbye. I feel you in the wind. And in the sun. And under the blankets. Don’t leave.