not here anymore

He has a massive lump on the right side of his neck and he was breathing like darth vader through his nose, like I could hear him from across a huge room. After they did a full body CT scan, they found that in addition to the tumor in his lymph node on the right side of his neck he also had a smaller one on the left side in another lymph node, as well as a polyp in his actual throat that we just found out today is also part of the lymphoma. He had a suspicious node in his belly that they’re keeping an eye on and his breathing ended up being due to a bad case of pneumonia. At first, he was supposed to just go straight to surgery right from the CT under the same anesthesia so it wouldn’t be too much for him, as long as all he had was just that one tumor on one side. But when they found all the other tumors they decided it was too risky, especially because his carotid is right around there. So instead they gave him a shot of chemo and he’s been on prednisolone daily at home (which he’s such a good boy when it comes to taking, thankfully), as well as two antibiotics. We went back for a check up today and he’s gotten his second chemo shot and a refill on antibiotics. The really good news is that his big tumor that we originally brought him in for has shrank about 50%! Hopefully it keeps shrinking, as well as the others. In the beginning the chemo was just decided on to shrink them a bit so it would be safe to do surgery and remove the cancer completely so he could go into remission, but with how fast they’ve been shrinking his doctor is hopeful the chemo could place him into remission.

We go back weekly for his chemo appointments (which is v stressful cause I always feel like I’m going to get even worse news than I did the v first day) and we have to give him a few medicines twice a day, but everything is starting to become like a normal routine. I’ve basically been in bed, doing nothing but watching anime and snuggling with Dunkin since I’ve found out because I’ve just been so depressed over it. But I’m trying to get my life back on track. I had my time to be depressed about it, I grieved over the possibility that I could lose him—my best friend—way before I’m ready to (even though I’m pretty sure I never would be ready no matter when it was, it could be 50yrs from now and I’d feel as if I still didn’t have enough time with him). But now I need to be positive, especially since he seems to be responding so well to treatment. Plus, just sitting around, isolating myself from my friends and stuff I like to do like writing is just adding to my depression and I’ve come to realize that now.

I’m sorry for the tl;dr post, but I figured I’d explain where I’d been and why I was away so long. I AM coming back, I never planned on leaving or taking a hiatus. Idk when exactly I’ll be able to post TS3 pics cause that’s still a lot of work for me with everything going on, but I’m back to talk about my characters and writing and I’ll be active on twitter and stuff.