Your local coffeehouse may be a hotbed of heresy. Check the following list and see how yours measures up.
Decaf is Docetic because it only appears to be coffee.
Instant is Apollinarian because itâs had its soul removed and replaced.
Frappuccinos are essentially a form of Monophysitism, having their coffee nature swallowed up in milkshake.
Chicory is Arian, not truly coffee at all but a separate creation.
Irish coffee is Nestorian, being two natures conjoined solely by good will.
Nitro coffee (coffee + Red Bull) is Montanist, having a form of godliness but denying its power.
Affogato is Adoptionist, being merely topped with espresso.
The CafÊ Bombón is Sabellian, appearing at some points to be foam, at others coffee and at others sweetened condensed milk.
The Caffè Americano is a form of Unitarian Universalism, being so watered down so as not even to qualify as coffee.
The CafĂŠ miel violates Canon 57 of the Council in Trullo, âfor it is not right to offer honey and milkâ in oneâs coffee.
The Cafe Mocha (espresso + steamed milk + chocolate) is syncretic and polytheist, for it presumes to adulterate coffee with another nationâs gods.
The Doppio (espresso + espresso) is Monothelite, permitting only one will to dominate.
WHAT IS AN EGGNOG LATTE I DONâT EVEN.
Half-Caf is another form of Adoptionism, being a hybrid of disparate natures.
The Pharisäer (drip coffee + 2 shots rum + whipped cream) is nothing but sheer Antinomianism.
The Red Eye (drip coffee + 1 shot espresso) is Ebionite, for it would swallow up pure faith in the Law.
A rigorist exclusivism for Fair Trade Coffee is a form of Donatism, insisting that only sinless hands may produce a true beverage.
âCoffee is bad for youâ: The watchwords of the Iconoclast.
The fellow who just keeps adding sugar to his over-roasted Pikeâs Peak is surely a Pelagian.
But despite all that, Lutherans just drink beer and Anglo-Catholics stick to gin. And mineâs an Earl Grey, barman! Cheers!