i really like to imagine myself way older with more lines around my eyes and mouth and holding my current self very tight and kissing the top of my head and saying “I know” on and on and on and on while current me is crying and older me is holding me tighter and tighter and I just sob in her arms. i really know this is fleeting life is fleeting moments are fleeting very very small things that happen and just fly away as fast as they came but bc of how the brain is wired it feels like it’ll last forever and there is no escape. i know 40 and 50 year old me will want to hold me the same way i find myself wanting to hold 10 or 5 or 16 year old me. i truly need to do better for me, i really need to stop torturing myself. i also wonder what will be my smell, the same way my mother always smells like Orange blossom water and honey but also rosewater, i wonder what i Will smell like, i wonder what will my kids or nephews say to me, what they see in me, what they want to tell me they can’t tell their own parents.