some things i think girls under 18 should know about sexuality that they probably don’t teach in school, and if you listen to me it might save you a lot of misery. this is my first post on the subject, and i hope to make more if anyone’s interested. this is just stuff that would have protected me, had anyone bothered telling me. i need to establish 2 things:
do not listen to anything boys tell you. i say this knowing that it is a generalization but i also say this knowing it is 100% for all intents and purposes, true. boys will try to get you to act out fantasies for them, boys will tell you they know how to please a woman, boys will try to get you alone. listen to absolutely none of it.
do not listen to anything men tell you i thought i would specify because if an adult man is trying to date you, please run a thousand miles away. he is not good. he is not respectful. you are not more mature than other girls. he will hurt you. do not listen to men talk about “being comfortable with your sexuality” when you are obviously uncomfortable.
now this is aimed towards women who are attracted to men (i.e, not lesbians). i want to establish that it is OK to not feel any attraction towards men. you owe men absolutely nothing. all the posts i’ve seen on sexuality fail to mention that you might be uncomfortable or anxious about sex. usually it’s followed with “talk it out”. no, your sexuality isn’t a fucking negotiation. “no” doesn’t mean “okay how do i convince myself to do this?”.
more things to establish:
it is not only okay to not be sexually attractive, but you are valuable and worthy of respect and love even if you are physically “unattractive” to a man.
sex in pornography is not normal. if you are young and have not viewed pornography, try to keep it that way. but if you have, realize that this is not normal.
if you are going to pursue sexual relationships with males, be extremely wary and do your research. this means looking up birth control and general information about STDs. it’s not rude to ask him if he’s clean.
consent is not just “yes”. consent means you can also revoke the “yes” at any time. if you say no, and he doesn’t stop, that is rape.
bdsm is not part of healthy sexuality. i can describe that in detail later, but i am 100% certain that if you are a 15 year old girl who is acting out fantasies like bondage or submission, i urge you with everything i have to reach out to someone and seek help.
life is going to be difficult at this age, and in our society it’s hard not to be traumatized by what “sexuality” is, but you have sisters with open arms who are ready to be there for you when you need them. if you are on social media, reach out to women (like me) ask questions, don’t ever stop seeking answers and go with what makes you feel ultimately safe.
your safety is no. 1. if it means you disappear from a man’s life instantly without explanation, that is 100% justified
masturbation is normal, in my experience. don’t freak out about it.
love, your friend, alisha
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