secret side blog

my mum got married when I was 11 & divorced when I was 15 and sometimes I'll refer to "when we had my stepdad" like he was a dog we had to rehome, or perhaps a kitchen appliance we got rid of because it was malfunctioning

an unfun fact about me is that as a small child I prided (prode? prude?) myself on my ability to cry on the spot cause I thought it made me a good actor. my secret? I was literally always about three thoughts away from bursting into tears anyway. diagnosis: yikes

whenever I put someone (fbm) in Archive Jail I keep thinking abt that scene in lilo & stitch where she's shaking her jar of voodoo dolls and says "my friends need to be punished"

honestly i think you should have at least one person in your life who is similar to you but more evil, to keep you in check. mine is p's brother, I know i am one wrong move from becoming him (only more posh, which means I could do more damage, i think)

so there are four people plus me who live in my brain (it's not classical DID or psychosis, it's complicated lmao) and that has its drawbacks but it does lend itself to some great data collection like 3 out of 5 of us are fucking furious rn 🤔 of the remaining two, one is on the fence abt being fucking furious and the other is kinda focused on other things, ie nonresponsive to survey questions 🤔

fbm is not currently this second showering me with attention but instead of succumbing to my spiciest BPD urges I had a smoke and two orgasms and now I feel a little more sane about it. basically I've mastered mental health i think

some real sitcom shit happening in my life at the momsnt gang. too complicated to explain but send prayers and a laugh track

i didn't fancy rob brydon til i saw him torture people about geography on destination x. I also didnt fancy John Ross Bowie til I saw him play the dad in speechless and I didnt fancy mark ruffalo til he did that rant at the golden globes. What's that about. Is that demisexual-adjacent or is there something actually wrong with me lmao

Genuine question for people with scat kinks: does the IBS make me more or less attractive?

one of my toxic traits is thinking I could fix marjorie tsylor greene

explained Archive Jail to my mum who was endlessly baffled by it lmao her trauma is built so different from mine, she leans more avoidant where I'm disorganised attachment on legs so the idea of both wanting and fearing intimacy is a bit foreign to her

I'm very funny in emergencies which is a weird trait to have at the best of times but I have to work hard to rein it the fuck in when my mum needs her inhaler I'm like do not make her laugh do not do it. your punchline can wait until her airways are working. why am I like this

"traumadumping" is such a difficult concept to grapple with when other ppl are talking about their childhoods/pasts and literally the only thing you can contribute is a trauma. even worse when you don't register that what youre recounting would be considered traumatic because your life has been so filled with horrors. Not sure what the solution is here but perhaps it is giving me personally $200

never want to admit to being a d*n and ph*l stan on main but one of my two v queer fiancées and I stayed up a bit late to watch the announcement and for once I am feeling like nothing can hurt my scared, queer af inner child

there's this really niche bullying thats only possible with neurodivergent people like every time I drop a fun fact about one particular subject all my loved ones are like 😏😏😏 bc they know it's FBM's special interest. and I think that's beautiful