slutty strawberry system. or something

starting softball i think... yesterday my big sister took my orgasms away until tomorrow for being a brat, and i still was feeling a bit bratty regardless, but after an hour or so of edging last night before bed, i actually feel really grateful for the punishment... in fact it's what i was hoping for from the start... and i'm really eager to be good for Miss from now on... and yes, i call my big sister Miss... but yeah, i got exactly the attention i wanted and im excited to learn better ways to get it ,,, also i really wanna cum i can honestly barely handle even just the two days,,

not to mention you can hear stuff like what she gets off to, what other dolly desires she has, maybe even who she's been too nervous to reach out to! you could even ask her to answer something along with your donation, heh.

$30 - what im into is very dependent on what my betters want me to be into, especially my big sister >///< if she tells me i'm into something, or i want something, i'm into it and i want it. i reflexively stop thinking so i can soak up what she wants so i can want it too, >////<

$40 - my sisterfriend introduced me to a story, The Subordinate, by Kallidora Rho. yes, the Warhound writer. at encouragement by sister friend, and command from my big sister, i jerked off a bit in my work bathroom, about it...

$50 - my little sister told me that our big sister (its headmate) would rape me if i wore this outfit around it, and that thought has made me really really wanna put it together by the time i visit so i can wear it there >/////<

$60 - i used to have heavy reservations about rape and nonconsent stuff involving myself, but i recently asked my datemate- who is a tiny bit slower to that kind of thing- to film himself groping me in my sleep next time he visits. and the idea of watching back a video like that drives me crazy....

$70 - ive noticed that my thoughts and desires are getting very close to those of the original host, emily. i had thought of her as naive and cutesy and in a mostly endearing way, far below me. a pathetic puppy compared to the upstanding vampire i am. now i'm a doll like her, who wants to be dressed up like she would be, who wants to be a free use toy for my betters, i'm owned, i have decisions like my weekly schedule decided for me, my big sister is going to train me like a pet.... i've even occassionally thought about not being allowed to swear so i sound more cutesy and pathetic, the same as her >////< though i'm not committed to the idea, i'm very attached to cursing!

$80 - i think speaking my tumblr "crush" of sorts- which, before i implied multiple, it's really one- out loud would be a bit of faux pas, but at the same time i'm not entirely convinced [they're] unaware... i think saying much more than that reveals too much >///< but i'm excited at the idea. this might seem like a softball but trust me, the idea that i might be right gives me plenty to be embarrassed about saying this...

$90 - i like my trauma being pressed on like bruises, in a sense.... teased about needing to be shown some positive attention for once, teased about being a little girl who needs approval from her mama, stuff like that... it often gets me really teary, like it does hurt a little in a sense, but it feels really good .....

$100 - for the purposes of explaining, i'm allowed to use the relevant phrases. i have a number of restrictions on my speech

i, for a while, have not been allowed to speak anger's thoughts without her permission. this might be lifted soon, but hasn't yet. notably she can say whatever she wants about mine >////<

i can't say "i'm normal" or anything of the sort, and if i'm about to, i have to instead say "i need to be a good girl please"

i can't say "whatever" standalone, instead i have to explicitly speak the feeling illiciting that response

i can't deny being a doll, or being cute, because i'm a cute doll >////<

i have to greet my Mama by saying "hi Mama, i've been waiting for you to play with me"

i have to answer questions asked of me, generally speaking. yknow, if they have the Vibe and aren't about my credit card information

Our lovely friendsister, a bit ago, introduced me to a certain Kallidora Rho, and her- hm, girlpet?- who at the time went by emmy (not directly, just made me aware of them). She was, previously, a girl named Esme. Solidly butch. Solidly a dom. Solidly a top. She'd been the kind of girl who'd make girls call her Daddy, and piss themselves, shit like that. But apparently, after meeting Kallidora, this girl had been totally dommebroken. Esme would instead call Kallidora "Sir", and would change herself in all kinds of ways to better suit Kallidora's tastes, like going by emmy, dressing completely femininely (in fact, being totally uncomfortable with masculine dress), wearing a dainty collar, being in chastity. She reaaaaally likes being called pathetic, she probably fucks more boots than people, and she's a total sub who changed herself completely to be the best porndoll she can be for her Sir.

She' so completely cooked that even when she tries to step out of line, to "slay" this oh so awful serpent, it goes ... like this

Note the not-even-unpacked suitcase.

Okay. Background over, proper capitalization and punctuation over.

i honestly find this... really fucking hot. and i do mean in the sense of it being hot, to have this kind of power over someone. but, i also mean in the sense that, when i first saw this, there was actually a massive spark of envy in me. i did a terrible, horrible job hiding that seeing this really flustered me. for a week or few, i would frequently look back on this friendsister talking to me about it, and get off to the idea of this happening to me. and then i wanted to let go of the idea, but for several months, while i was getting off, the idea would creep back into my mind, and inevitably i would get off to the idea again. the idea of being, as it was put to me, "[broken] in a way [i] can not recover from". i didn't necessarily care about the chastity or the dressing fem or any of that, but the idea of being dommebroken to this extent... really got to me. hell, as i type it now, i'm blushing a little. a little.

now, real talk, i would never stoop any lower than switch, any dommebreaking would be completely temporary in the "ideal" version of this happening to me.

you blushing at first then spreading your legs to let me look.

spreading you gently with my thumbs. just looking at first. taking my time. “so pretty.” murmured against your inner thigh. pressing a kiss there. “so so pretty.” tracing one finger along you slowly. barely touching you. “so soft here.” dragging slow. feeling you twitch. “sensitive?”

you nodding.

“good.” pressing another kiss to your inner thigh. then the other. looking up at you. “that’s exactly what i need to know, sweetheart.” circling your hole slowly. feeling you clench. “i need to know everything about how your body responds. that’s what this is for.” pressing a kiss just above your clit. feeling you take a deep breath. “all of it. every single reaction.”

spreading you a little wider. examining carefully. thoroughly. “look how wet you are already.” one finger sliding through you slowly. gathering it. “just from me looking at you, baby.” looking up at you. “that’s so good. that’s perfect.”

fingers finding your clit. just resting there at first. “i’m going to touch you here for a little while.” rubbing the softest slow circle. feeling you twitch immediately. “i need to see how sensitive you are.” another circle. slower. “how you respond to different pressures.” pressing just slightly firmer. watching your hips shift. “there we go.”

taking my time there. slow circles. different pressures. different rhythms. watching every reaction. remembering everything. “you’re doing so well.” said against your inner thigh. pressing kisses there while my thumb keeps moving. “thank you for being so patient, for me..”

then my mouth finding you. tongue slow and flat. one long stroke. feeling your whole body respond.

“shh.” hands pressing your hips down. “stay still for me, baby. i need to feel your response.” tongue circling your clit slow. feeling you try to stay still and fail. “i know. i know.” not stopping. working you slow and thorough. pulling back. looking at you. “you’re so responsive here.”

one finger finding your hole. pressing in so slow. “breathe for me, sweetheart.” feeling you clench immediately around it. “good girl. feel that? feel how well you take it?” pumping slow. just one. feeling every inch. curling gently. finding that spot. watching your back arch. “there it is…good.”

pressing a second finger in alongside the first. “a little more for me, baby.” feeling you stretch. “breathe… that’s it.” pumping both slow. spreading them slightly. feeling you clench around them. “you’re taking my fingers so well, your body knows you need my fingers inside of you.” curling both. finding that spot again. watching your whole body respond.

thumb finding your clit while my fingers keep moving. working both at once now. “this is part of the inspection..i need to see how you respond to both at the same time.” feeling you clench harder. “just like that…so good.”

mouth finding you again. lips wrapping around your clit while my fingers curl inside you. working everything at once. feeling you build.

“you’re getting close.” pulling back just enough to speak. fingers not stopping. “that’s okay. that’s exactly what i need to see.” thumb circling. fingers curling. “let it happen, baby. that’s the whole point. show me how your body responds. i need to see everything.”

feeling you tip over. clenching hard around my fingers. hips pressing forward.

working you through every second. not stopping until you’re completely done.

then stopping. pulling back. looking at you. taking you in.