&*. AND CONTEMPLATION.

           “ i’m alright. ” —– she’d been better, but hadn’t they all?  “ i mean, i should be.  nice to finally see some JUSTICE done && i guess in theory that … thing’s not coming back. ” but neither was barb.  it was a simple question, but why did it have her thinking so much?  RETRACT.  truthfully, the chaos had kept her mind busy – distracted.  “ how about you? is el settling in? ”

   “DON’T MATTER WHAT YOU SHOULD BE.    just where you are.    things’ll get easier,   kid   --   every day.    don’t have to worry about that.”     hopper remarked,   nodding slightly in understanding of how she was feeling.   indeed, he understood it all too well.      arms rested across wide chest  /  idly,  he shrugged a little,    turning to cast a glance behind him as if  speaking of jane might conjure her.    not that it mattered.  right now,   he just wanted to her to be happy.     happy meant  with mike. 

       ❝    YOU   KNOW       you   can’t   keep      avoiding      this  .                you   promised   dad   you’d   start   getting   rid   of   some   of   this   stuff  .                 baby   steps  ,    remember  ?    ❞                 she   feels   for   him  .                she   may   not   entirely   understand   the   attachment   he   has   to     ALL     of   these   items  ,      but   she   knows   getting   rid   of   them   isn’t   easy   for   him  .                still  ,       it   was   long   overdue   that   he   started   overcoming   his   hoarding   habit  .               still  ,    she   is   pretty   curious   about   those   pictures  .               ❝     you   can   keep   the   photo   album  ,       but     only     if   you   throw   out   something      else  ,      okay  ?     ❞

  “YEAH,  YEAH,  YEAH,  YEAH.    I KNOW.”     he  doesn’t  know,  because he’s not listening.   being jim hopper meant shifting focus fast,  meant fixating.   sorry,   veronica,   but  your father’s not in the house presently:   he’s in a dream world,  he’s in the past!   thick fingers  card with  surprising gentleness through  FRAGILE  PAGES.    eyes scan over them in interest,    head is dipped  as if to be as  close as  POSSIBLE   to the memory,   to maybe experience its sensations all over again.  

jim didn’t miss the past.    the past had treated him like shit.   the past had placed all these problems in his lap and he was   STILL  cleaning up the mess  --  sometimes physically,    like today,   with his daughter.    but sometimes,  it was oddly refreshing for him to remind himself that the past   really existed.  that someone had made a series of  screenshots  of a time  before he was hurting  &   a time when he was in the process of being hurt,  that the past wasn’t just the feeling of nostalgia  and a  VAGUE PAIN in his chest.  

thank you for sending this, darling!   you’re such a blessing!

im literally Everywhere these days so I thought I'd make a helpful little updated list!

@nosycop / jim hopper. active.

@wanderderry / rocky robinson. semi-active.

@realfor / georgie denbrough. low activity.

@ghostdisciple / phantom stranger. active.

@contendr / spongebob. active.

@vswrld / scott pilgrim. semi-active.

@rddled / eddie nygma. low activity.

unformatted because I’m literally at school rn buT OKAY HOP AND HIS INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS HERE WE GO! this is a subject that feels very personal and legit to me as a sufferer of intrusive thoughts so these headcanons are really important and central to my chARACTERIZATION JUST … KEEP THAT IN MIND

so, intrusive thoughts. Hop has had them for literally ever, but way back in middle and high school he never really had a name for it. This effected him by worsening his depression periods and kinda making his self deprecating feelings worse? Like the fact that he never knew that those thoughts were a product of mental illness and not his fault kinda made him grow up thinking he was just a really, REALLY fricked up person?

And sometimes his thoughts would get really violent or suicidal and it would just lead him to feel like he was the absolute scum of the earth. Jim had trouble trusting his own mind and instincts A LOT when he was younger, honestly, just because he saw how destructive he could be and it really freaked him out. Going to war definitely didn’t help this considering the already-violent atmosphere he was constantly enveloped in. He considered doing self destructive things A LOT in those days, considering his anxiety and paranoia were heightened. It never got to that point, though, thankfully.