Gods and Monsters

Neither. I’d like to pump myself full of coffee and take an Air bourne.

Go figure this little boy would make his grand entrance during a pandemic.

“What, a child of Bailey and Simon Faline... making a big entrance... having all eyes on him... standing on ceremony? Good lord.”

Fuck. He’s so small.

We’re also petty, loud, and super sensitive. Simon was butt hurt over it. But you’re taking it a lot better, thanks.

It wasn’t planned, we just sort of… did it. But we didn’t want to say anything ‘cause we didn’t want to steal anything from you and Becks. We just… couldn’t wait. And we didn’t really care about a big wedding or anything. We just wanted to be married. Of course, I’m happy, that’s a dumb question. We’ve all known Hunt’s been my person for years. I’ll be obsessed with him until the day I day. I just get to call him my husband now.

“Simon’s always butt hurt over something, the boy is more fragile that a cracked egg. Probably upset he didn’t nab Hunter first.”

Okay, I’m just gonna say it. C’mon, K. Don’t yell, Nora. Be the tiniest amount Faline right now.

Hunter and I eloped back in September.

“You know, being a Faline is a good thing, we’re a strong noble pride.”

I already do that while watching Marley & Me.

So I have fun news that you’re gonna hate. But it’ll be good in the end, I swear.

“Fun news? I’m gonna hate? Just tell me. I’m already livid. What?”

Hunter just tells me the world’s on fire while he scrolls through Twitter. That’s enough info for me.

“I deleted my twitter, it was too depressing. If you saw what was out there, K, you’d cry yourself to sleep.”

It was nice. Everything ran pretty smoothly and all of you look great. I guess I’m kind of the wrong person to ask for constructive criticism. I don’t really believe in marriage, so all of this is just kind of a big party in my brain. But it was cool. And it is about if you’re happy. If you are, then it means it wasn’t all a waste of money.

“Ask me four years ago if I believed in marriage and I’d have laughed in your face. I guess some things change.”

Thank you and thank you.

You can direct any and all kisses to my sister. She can barely keep your eyes off you.

“You’re a superhero.”

What do you mean? The wedding?

“Yeah the whole day.”

Well you best believe it, because I worked my ass off.

“It shows, it’s amazing, and you look gorgeous. Come here, give your new sister a kiss.”

Oh, you know Kay. She supports my dreams, which speaking of, bold of you to assume I’m a bottom. Here’s to you, Nora.

“I'm as bold as they come, jawline. No, here’s to Rebecca. The love of my life.”

I recognize a lot of these folks from Friday nights at the bar, and none of them really interest me. I’m well within my comfort zone. How about I just hold your drink for you and you go ask Simon. He looks like he’s got a nice buzz going and is stalking Hunter pretty hard.

“What and break that bromance up? Hell no. Okay, just stand here and talk to me then. Be honest, what do you make of all this, not ‘if you’re happy I am’ bullshit, but really.”

That sounds nice. Yeah, but you’ll have a lethal hangover in the morning. I’m assuming by your look you mean meet someone. I’m not interested, Nora. But thanks for your… concern.

“One wedding begets another, or so I hear. You don’t know, you might make a friend, it’s not a trait I see strongly in you but it could happen. You’ve a choice, Kinsey, you mingle or you have to dance with me.”

Girls can absolutely have strong jawlines. Plus, have you seen the ass on the bouncer here? I refuse to accept those as strictly binary traits.

“Okay, drink time. God, K needs to marry you before you realise you’re better suited to a life as an enthusiastic bottom. A scotch for the white man, and a rum and coke for the bride.”

Okay, okay, I get your point. But, maybe take it easy on the getting super drunk part. Otherwise you’ll be too wasted to do anything else later tonight or tomorrow. You guys honeymooning?

“Yeah we’re honeymooning, two weeks in the Bahamas. Even drunk I can consumate, don’t worry. Why don’t you mingle, you might meet someone.”

I’m a white guy with a strong jawline, of course I drink scotch. Here’s to you and Rebecca.

“If I were straight I think I’d probably be into strong jawlines. Good think I’m gay and into strong asses.”