1) Tour guide audibly didn't give much of a shit, answered several of our questions with "I dunno, I've never thought about it," would not stop saying "Riddle me this" which made us have to turn around every time.
2) Tour guide interrupted himself every time he saw one of those delivery robot carts, was so much more animated and passionate about those that it was hysterical, told us he calls them "his little friends" sometimes
3) Tour guide was interrupted by an old woman in a gated community asking him to drive him to the deli. He inexplicably chose to engage with her, yelling back that he doesn't have a car, how's he supposed to do that. She yelled back that it's not far. He tried the gate, yelled back that it's locked. The woman yelled back that someone needs to unlock it. My partner and I are at this point facing 180° away trying to keep it together
4) None of the sites were actually haunted. He was like "See this church?" And we'd be like "This church is similar to a famously haunted church 15 minutes away." "What about this one?" "This one isn't." "Why don't we go to the haunted one?" "BECAUSE IT'S FIFTEEN MINUTES AWAY. BY CAR."
5) The ghost stories were cracking us the fuck up, stuff like "she saw either a really small childlike figure or a giant looming onr" WHICH IS IT 😭😭😭 He also quite obviously improvised a ghost story involving like, the Seattle Seahawks getting attacked by floating beer bottles like I think that would have been larger news??
6) He told us it's a full moon (it is, visibly, not) and the Jersey Devil was going to kill and eat us. He waited for us to respond and we said "Oh no" and he seemed satisfied with that
7) Part of the tour was at an old hospital but we missed all of it because a car drove past playing music at max volume and the driver kept screaming "I'M NOT ANYBODY'S BITCH ANYMORE" again and again and he refused to raise his volume even a little
8) We were interrupted mid-tour by a Bangladeshi guy waiting at a bus stop going "HEY! You guys doing a tour? Oh shit, GHOSTS? I'm Bangladeshi, and let me tell you we got ghosts in Bangladesh."
9) The tour was not looping, meaning it ended with us a 30 minute walk away from the car. The tour guide did not walk us back, told us "good luck getting home," jumped on a bus and didn't turn back. We started tearing up with laughter and by the time we got back we were wrung out. On our way back the Bangladeshi guy went "Your tour guide looked like a ghost himself, haha!"
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
gamechangershow
snowghoul
vaporwave
gracieabrams
