Yep. Uh Huh. Yup.

Holy shit. 

What follows is a sincere letter to my closest friends and most bitter rivals:

Hello all,

Though I write this in the waning minutes of Monday Night Football, I knew yesterday afternoon that my hopes of becoming the league’s first repeat champion were dashed. Falling short of my truest of genuinely true dreams is heartbreaking, but I have nothing but respect for the victor, my good friend Brendan - and his Astoria Shawarmas. With the experience I gain in the consolation bracket these next few weeks, I’m sure to come back even stronger next year for another great run with the Greenpoint Sackers (formerly the Receiver? I Hardly Know 'ers [2014 season Champions]).

I’d like to thank Tyler Eifert for getting me into the playoffs. Drew Brees, I thank you for being the best, my man. Some may think that I blame you and only you for getting me eliminated from the playoffs earlier than, frankly, anyone would’ve expected…but no. Don’t think that. You’re beautiful and so, so short on the football field.

Until next time,