Don't call me Blitz.

whilst avoiding stereotypes.

I am a British (to be specific English) person. I am sick of seeing badly written British characters so I’m going to help you out. 

Regions

Within the UK we then have England, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland. What you might not realise is that in each of these countries dialogue, traditions and slang can be vastly different. 

I’ve seen posts going around with British slang words but it’s practically useless to you if you don’t know which areas say these words. I’m from Yorkshire which is classed as having a ‘broad’ accent. We have words such as 'mardy’ 'Ey up’ 'Nah then’ 'innit’ 'Gennel’. But people from other areas have no idea what I’m saying and don’t understand the slang because it is so region specific. Oh and what causes major arguments with my university friends is whether bread is 'Bread Cakes’ 'Bread rolls’ or 'Bread buns’.

So know the area and the slang.

Geography!!!

There are more places in the UK than London. So think about it and do some research before you decide where you want your character to be from, do something different and have them from 'up north’. 

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Accents

Although I touched on this in the region section I think this is really important.We don’t all talk like the bleedin’ Queen. When I was a child this was the most annoying thing about children’s tv shows. Not only was the British character always the bad guy they always had a badly done posh accent and sat around drinking tea. 

So watch some videos, you don’t need to write in the accent but it will help you to familiarise yourself with the way people from that area speak. 

Stereotypes

These have a warning light above. Avoid at all costs. That snotty upper-class English person with a large chin? AVOID AT ALL COSTS. 

I understand how easy it is to fall into stereotypes, but avoid them if you can. It will affect how good your end product is.

How we identify 

I am a British person, but if someone was to ask me where I was from I would say English. Keep this mind when writing I don’t know many people who would introduce themselves and say 'Oh I’m from Britain.’ We just don’t. All though we are one country- the UK. We all identify with the country we are born in. Most people are very proud and independent especially the Scottish and Welsh. They will normally identify with 'Wales/Scotland/England/N.Ireland before they identify as British or from the UK. 

So please keep this is mind!

Our own Stereotypes

Within the UK we don’t always get on and there is a lot of rivalry between parts of the UK. So for example the English call the Welsh 'Sheep shaggers’ which is just a joke. 

The South and North of England are hugely different places with people 'darnnnn south’ thinking people from the north are all farmers and then the people from 'Up Norff’ thinking those in the south are all posh. Off course it’s all nonsense, and we know it is. But we still say it! 

A person first

You’ve decided to make a character British, great! But you should do your character development for this character the exact same as you would do any other character. The fact they are British doesn’t affect what their positive and negative traits are going to be. What effects these is their personality, background. Not where in the world they are from. 

You’ve got a character in your novel that is British, not a British character. 

Think of it that way and your character will be better off. 

Research

What this all comes down to, in the end is RESEARCH. 

These links might give you an idea where to start, you will of course need to do further research 

When writing as if British and when writing a British character

How to write dialogue for British characters with an accent

Regions of Britain

Sounds familiar? Accent and Dialects in the UK

Regional accents of English

Writing British characters

The North/South divide

The best kind of research is to ASK someone. I’m from England and if you want to ask me any questions I will do my best to help, bear in mind though I can only tell you about where I’m from which is Yorkshire. 

Hope this has been of help, I had a right laugh making this as I asked my Dad for help and he sat by me and randomly said slang words. (hence the slang post that I’m making)

If you can think of anything I have missed let me know and I’ll add it in. I haven’t included everything you need to think about but hopefully it will just help you get started. 

-S

Written by someone from Britain.

1. Bloody - Damn. Socially acceptable to use, some of my teachers use it, and my gran does too. You can’t use this enough.

2. Arse - ass but more derogatory. You wouldn’t say this to your grandparents, generally. Parents, it depends who you are.

3. Fiver - £5. Everyone says this all the time.

4. Tenner - £10. Ditto fiver.

5. Quid - £1. Ditto tenner.

6. Grand - £1000. Obviously lesser said than fiver unless you’re Ed Sheeran or someone but people normally say this.

7. Chav - i think Americans call them townies??

8. Mum - do i need to explain? and no, we don’t say Dud.

9. Nappy - Diaper. 

10. Lift - Elevator

11. Pavement - Sidewalk.

12. Cock-up - fuck up.

13. Cakehole - mouth. IE: Shut your cakehole!

14. Bloke - Man. Most people say this.

15. Knackered - tired. “I’m off to bed, me, i’m knackered.” the K is silent.

16. Pear-shaped - gone wrong. “It’s all gone a bit pear-shaped.”

17. ay-up - greeting used in the Midlands/North. sometimes used at the start of a statement or question. “Ay-up, what you doing with that?”

18. Local - nearby pub. “I’m off for a drink at the local.”

19. Fit - hot. “He’s fit, him.”

20. Bollocks - balls. Sometimes used as an exclamation, like “Shit!” 

21. this is important. Fanny - vagina. FANNY DOES NOT MEAN BUTT IN ENGLAND. IF YOU CALL SOMEONE A FANNY TO SOMEONE IN THE STREET YOU MAY GET PUNCHED

22. Shag - screw. Shag is less derogatory than screw.

23. Uni - short for university. Is that your college?

24. Sixth form - Junior and Senior year at high school.

25. Secondary school - 6th grade to Sophomore year.

26. Year 10 - Freshman. Year 9 - Eighth Grade and so on.

27. Reception - Preschool.

28. Telly - television.

29. Chips - Fries.

30. Crisps - Chips.

31. Full Stop - Period. The punctuation kind.

32. Bugger - i don’t really know what this translates to. You’d say “oh bugger i’ve lost my keys.”

33. Crap - Less derogatory form of Shit.

34. Wanker - technically, this means someone who jerks off, but it’s used as an insult.

35. Dickhead - another insult.

36. Twat - Some people use this as an insult, but, as I discovered a while ago, it also means vagina.

37. Cunt - vagina. DO NOT INCLUDE THIS WORD IN ANY WRITING, IT’S THE MOST OFFENSIVE WORD IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE.

38. Autumn - Fall

39. Biscuit - cookie.

40. Bonnet (a car bonnet) - hood.

41. Boot (of a car) - Trunk

42. Flannel - washcloth

43. Scouser - someone from Liverpool

44. Manc - someone from Manchester

45. Geordie - Someone from Newcastle

46. Brummie - someone from Birmingham

47. Dodgy - suspicious/not quite right. “Ooh, he looks a bit dodgy/My pen’s being dodgy!”

48. Tad - A bit. “Are you cold?” “Just a tad.”

49. Ta - thank you. Used up north a lot.

50. Absobloodylutely - a very enthusiastic yes.

51. Fortnight - two weeks.

52. Gutted - Devastated

“ what in the world is this!? ”

“ i thought i was clear! ”

“ this is why we can’t have nice things! ”

“ do you understand the damage you’ve done here!? ”

“ there’s no coming back from this, ever! ”

“ get away from me! ”

“ i can’t believe you would do this to me! ”

“ i’m not talking about this ANY more. ”

“ i can’t believe you lied to me… again! ”

“ no! just leave me alone! ”

“ i’ve never been more angry at you in my entire life! ”

“ did you seriously think this would be okay? ”

“ forget it! ”

“ i can’t even look at you right now! ”

“ i think you should go. ”

“ i can’t believe you’d do this to me…”

“ you were flirting with them! ”

“ was it worth it? ”

“ i can’t do this anymore! ”

“ you need to pull yourself together. ”

“ i don’t believe you. ”

“Well, this is fun.”

“You’re staring…”

“You’re a bitch, did you know that?”

“Aw, fuck.”

“I have no idea what’s going on right now but, uhm, hi?”

“It’s a conspiracy, I swear!”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake!”

“I’m serious!”

“Can’t you do that somewhere else?”

“I’m really, really, not in the mood.”

“Fuck off!”

“Doesn’t that hurt?”

“I’m so sorry, are you okay?”

“I’m fine, really.”

“This is nothing.”

“It’s you.”

“You’re not what I expected.”

“I hate this.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“I’m not doing this.”

“…….. wow!”

“Can you hold this?”

“Don’t you think that’s overkill?”

“Oh, you’re – oh.”

“Please, don’t.”

“Honestly, I don’t care.”

“That’s the best you’ve got?”

“Wanna share?”

“( insert name here ). My name’s ( insert name here ).”

“I already regret this.”

Is Conrad really the type to be all, ‘bae, that was some good sexin’ right there, ilu’, ‘smoochy-smooch’?

Look at his face.

You promised to play Naruto with me. 

We’re going to make Mya weep like a little bitch tonight.

I’ll start: Ritsu dies on the operating table and Asa is there.

She’s just numb.

In the heat of battle, photographer Horace Bristol captured one of the most unique and erotic photos of WWII.

Bristol photographed a young crewman of a US Navy “Dumbo” PBY rescue mission, manning his gun after having stripped naked and jumped into the water of Rabaul Harbor to rescue a badly burned Marine pilot. The Marine was shot down while bombing the Japanese-held fortress of Rabaul.

Mitch, are you ok? You’re sweating and turning red. Are you getting sick?