FAULT: an SCP SBI AU

This is an au that has consumed me. This blog will just be a terrible mess of whatever I’m stuck on for the week, likely with little explanation and heavy spoilers. Anyway, the general vibe + anomalous properties are below cut:

Commissions: Writing and Art. Starts at 5$

All Nom commissions are prompt gifts for donations to charitable causes, such as the environment, social justice rights, or victims of wars. I will not cover topics of romance, sex, or write about George, Dream, or Wilbur.

Writing: Base 5$ gets a minimum of 300 words. 10$ 1,000 word minimum, 20$ 3,000. I also have no self-control, and there is no additional payment if the prompt is amazing and I break the world limit.

Drawing: Base 5$ gets a drawing in full color. 'Animatics' start at 40$ for a verse, and the price increases for color.

Project Guide

The tag 'crumbs to tide you over' is how I organize ficlets, wip sippets, and fic announcements. Personal tag is something to nom on. Wilbur tags are noms Wilbur or scp Wilbur if you want to block tags, and my PR response to that is here.

Ao3 fics:

Fault. The titular SBI SCP AU. SBI trapped in the Foundation. Lots of angst, large exploration of trauma, dehumanization, moral philosophies, and messed up found family. Tags are fault au, fault memes pog, sbi scp au, fault analysis, etc. This is a whole series and has many associated works. Long Fic.

>Also Where, then, do your loyalties lie? for AU where human Phil works for the Foundation and tries to free kid SCP Tommy. Complete.

Mandatory Family Reunion. Techno kidnapped by criminal dark SBI and handles it very poorly AU. Heavy dark em duo. Explores different types of abuse, motivations, delusions, and how love causes harm. Tag is Mandatory Family Reunion, sometimes mfr. Long Fic.

The Lambs Wolves Wear (Ficlet is here; starts at the Reveal and currently goes further than the ao3) Fully dark SBI where Philza's children were replaced by monsters. Demon "Tommy", changeling "Wilbur", and ghost army "Technoblade" are violent and traumatized, their tensely conflicting infiltration motives jeopardizing the lives of everyone in a twenty mile radius. As they experience love for the first time, will the wolves in sheeps clothing be tamed? Tw for abuse and horror. Long Fic.

Way more below, those are just my main projects ^-^

After a chapter that was somewhere between an emotional rollercoaster and train wreck, I couldn’t figure out the emotions of a different character. I kept trying to force different reactions, and I hated all of them because it didn’t feel right. For some reason I couldn’t figure out how he was feeling. Simple answer: he wasn’t. I realized the character was despondent, shutting down as a coping mechanism after the emotional whirlwind of the chapter. When I allowed him that reaction, the emotional flow of the piece made more sense and the chapter I struggled with for months became much easier to finish.

This is an essay detailing my thoughts on gendered horror in my fic The Lambs Wolves Wear, wherein Philza’s children are replaced by monsters and he’s forced to maintain the mask of a family to survive. And I’d just like to put a disclaimer for tumblr “reading comprehension” dot com that I’m not a raging misogynist that believes men and women are separate species with no experience overlap, but instead observing societal expectations.

Gendered horror is about who is allowed to experience fear. The archetypical example being a final girl, as women are allowed to be emotional and scared and crying when being murdered, but men are often not afforded that. Because of societal pressure to repress their emotions, men are allowed fear but not allowed to show it. Furthermore, gendered horror is about what types of fears are narratively allowed to be done to different genders. This is blatant in topics like sexual violence, but it goes far deeper into the themes horror explored through different genders. Thus, I see merit in examining the types of horror Philza experiences in The Lambs Wolves Wear through a gendered lens, particularly as it pertains to his role as a father. This essay is going to be centered on the traditional Western paradigm of fathers as bread winners/protectors and mothers as nurturers/homekeepers, and how that pertains to gendered horror.

At the start of the story, Philza does not fall cleanly into the false societal dichotomy of father/mother roles. He can’t, given his status as a single parent, forced to provide both physically and emotionally, and excelling at both. Thus, he is in a position to explore horror from both the roles of father and mother within their societal archetypes.

Philza’s story is about the horror of failing to be a father.

Imbedded within the very premise of The Lambs Wolves Wear is Philza’s failure as a father to protect his family from external threats. He has already lost. He could not prevent his children from being taken, either through violence or threat thereof. Finding himself within the archetype of a vengeance hero with a classic slaughtered family, Philza naturally seeks violent retribution as is expected of him. However, it is not something he can deliver. Every second is a constant pounding reminder that he’s both too weak to protect his family and too weak to avenge them. Even worse, as time goes on he finds it increasingly difficult to even want to fulfill this expected violence in a deep betrayal of his missive to protect. Not only is he physically weak, but morally so as well. It’s an incredibly emasculating experience for him.

Second, as the damage the monsters inflict mounts, Philza loses the ability to provide sustenance to his family due to the razed cropland and slaughtered livestock. He is cut off from his work and left without a way to fulfill his family’s needs. This represents a second failure in protecting his family, albeit from a non physical threat. This aspect of fatherhood he weaponizes against the monsters, admitting his insecurities to manipulate them. It is the only grief that Philza is actually allowed to express, becoming an outlet for some of his fear. But not much, because men are expected to be unwavering and shoulder the responsibility without appearing weak. As a father he is not meant to be scared. But Philza spends the entire story so deeply, harrowingly afraid. This is the only place he succeeds as a father, in suppressing his emotions so others don’t know how badly he’s doing.

Still, Philza ultimately fails his duties as a father, unable to provide safety, physical needs, or vengeance.

Philza’s story is about the horror of being a mother.

First, establishing he fills an archetypal female role. While Philza outwardly suppresses emotional displays of fear as is expected from him, as the reader we’re privy to his harrowing terror and imposing sense of helplessness, which means from a narrative standpoint he’s still failing to hide his emotions. This emotional vulnerability is more permitted with women. Next put a check mark next to physical weakness compared to giant hellbeasts and undead armies. While male weakness compared to a foe is often explored given the aforementioned duties of protection, as a man Philza is still expected to try to fight back. He doesn’t. This emphasizes his powerlessness. And lastly, he is expected to preform massive amounts of emotional labor and other duties associated with motherhood. So, he is well positioned to explore certain (societal) aspects of female horror (though obviously not all).

The sole thing Philza can provide is emotional comfort, which falls within the traditional motherly role of nurturer. It becomes his only use, stripped of independence from the loss of his livelihood and the strict expectation that he will be a good parent (or else). He is put on a pedestal, expected to have no flaws, to never get angry or frustrated or overwhelmed, to have desires or ambitions outside of a motherly role. The wants of his “children” always comes first, even when it’s destroying him by violating what he needs. His only use is as a mother, and so he must be a perfect one or die. This aligns heavily with classic females roles in fiction (Being thus: Mother, damsel, whore, witch). Mothers in fiction are typically defined exclusively by what they provide for their far more important children, or what they fail to provide through their death. They are not people outside of their defined role. Philza is allowed no identity outside of nurturer.

Where once Philza had a role as a breadwinner, he is quickly stripped of that work, his domain becoming the household. He cannot leave, because why would he need to? That would get in the way of always being present and emotionally available to help his “children”. This cuts Philza off both from his community and from independence, as he is now reliant on the “children” to bring in food and water. Furthermore, the “children” are questionable providers yet Philza doesn’t have any other means of securing resources. This reflects the financial dependence that many women have been trapped in due to societal constraints limiting/forbidding jobs, bank accounts, being single/familyless. With no other option of survival, Philza has to pretend to be in love or be destitute (or murdered). The domestic abuse he experiences is endured because he is utterly dependent on the “people” abusing him, much like many, many, many women. And even should he escape, Philza was a subsistence farmer dependent upon his land, now the territory of the “children”. Razed as it is, it’s still the only means of survival he knew before he was forced to become a stay at home dad. So he stays. Home is a prison, but it is the only way he can survive.

Philza is forced to be responsible for the emotional state of others at the cost of his own mental health, and is expected to be perfect and exclusively dedicated to nurturing. He is controlled through dependence, isolation, the thin veneer of a family unit, and physical intimidation/abuse, which are themes deeply related to the horror of motherhood.

Closing thoughts:

In general media, there is a trend I’ve noticed in one gender adopting the role of another, specifically not in a trans context. A woman adopting a man’s role is empowerment. This is the marvel action girl heroes, the girlbosses, the ‘I learned to fight from my brothers’. But a man adopting a woman’s role is horror. It is the fear of the oppressor that they could be oppressed. Male horror is becoming dependent, the assumption dependence is inherently horrific because it can be abused so readily. And so in male horror, being a final girl is not just the horror of the experience, but of physical and EMOTIONAL weakness. Becoming a final girl -becoming a girl- is an unimaginable horror. If and only if you define womanhood as weak, crying, fragile, dependent, and identity-less outside their singular archetypal role.

The Lambs the Wolves Wear concerns itself with exploring those power inversions, a parent being abused by children, a father discovering the horror of motherhood. And. Well obviously I’m trans, so the message isn’t preventing said gender role transitions (well perhaps dismantling the roles into something healthy each individual decides but! Not the essay for that!). Similarly, children become caretakers for their elderly parents, or become parents themselves. It is a hierarchy that already naturally subverts itself. The horror is not from change, it is from power and lack thereof.

Crucially, as Philza desperately reaches for the vengeance hero archetype, we will likewise explore the horror of trying to maintain the man>woman and parent>child power hierarchy/expectations. The question becomes not forbidding these dynamic shifts, but how to facilitate them. How to REMOVE the horror, remove the abuse of said power dynamics both in their status quo and in their subversions.

Not even in death.

Medicine has advanced like crazy and so it’s super hard for most people to die. Philza is an Angel of Death meant to thin the ranks. He’s hella rich because when the death lottery lands on wealthy people, they bribe him. And sometimes he doesn’t take the offer so the next bribe is way bigger (or that’s what he says, sometimes someone is so despicable he won’t be deterred no matter what). A few rich guys pick up on it and try to boost PR like crazy to seem like they’re one of the good millionaires, which is enough for Phil to justify it all to himself.

Meanwhile, Techno is a broke anarchist with a gaggle of brats he’s teaching principles of resistance and mutual aid to, becoming a cornerstone of his community through his work. Which means, he’s causing a lot or problems for the elites. They want him gone, and they want him gone fast. Only, Techno keeps wriggling out of jail, be it by legal or illegal measures. Quackity’s got loopholes on lockdown so the longest Techno’s ever been in is three months, to return the favor of Techno hooking him up with connections to a really good dentist.

However, there is a system where prisoners get their name in extra times, to harshly enforce the consequences of repeated offenses. Meaning, it’s deeply lucrative to try and criminalized types of people that you don’t like because it increases their chance of just dying. And for a young broke anarchist stirring up trouble….there’s a lot of incentive to get him reaped.

But. Heh. Someone didn’t tell this loser Angel that Technoblade never dies. Techno isn’t given a heads up of course, but he lives his life paranoid enough that when Phil tries to get the drop on him, he barely evades. Leading to a chase. Leading to a very public chase, which may or may not involve Technoblade tossing lots of insults one liners and comebacks at Phil. On live television. And getting away.

Philza is rather publicly humiliated, though is more disgruntled by the fact he’s failed a mission for the first time. So he tries to kill Techno again. And again. It’s even harder now that techno has a heads up though. Phil grits his teeth and asks for the Look Out system. It’s not common, but not unheard of, for an Angel to botch a mission. Not that Phil has ever needed it. Basically it’s a reward put out for a confirmed spotting of the death marked, and an even bigger one for bringing them in. Not killing them tho, the gov doesn’t want the populace having means or experience in death, or the bad PR of killing the wrong guy. So now, the overflowing population is also on the look out for Techno.

The group’s strategy radically readjusts once they realize Phil is not pure evil. Not that Techno is ever going to trust a COP, but, maybe they can use this.

Philza glides through the tall city towers on mechanical wings, his shadow coasting ominously over the crowds below. Superstition promises bad luck at minimum when an Angel of Death passes over. Ridiculous, Philza only targets death marked; he’s not a serial killer by any means. His DNA scanner runs wild, until suddenly pinging on one figure out of thousands. Swooping into a dive he nearly starts a chase on Techno—

only to get abruptly stopped by Ranboo clinging onto him full force tackle wailing about having lost a family member to an Angel recently. Phil tries to fight them off but he’s already lost Techno in the crowd. (Just why is the crowd sheltering him? Don’t they want the reward?) Anyway he figures Ranboo is in on the Techno protection scheme, because increasingly a lot of people are rallying behind Techno in a unified front despite all the elite propaganda attempting to suppress favor for him.

So Phil sits Ranboo down and is like, no, the system is fair, think about the consequences, it’s a more peaceful death than disease or war or famine, etc etc propaganda that fades into a genuine attempt at grief counseling.

Ranboo: why not give people like a month’s notice to get everything in order.

Phil: Techno had a heads up of five seconds and look where that’s gotten us.

The real guts of the conversation is the argument about the wealth disparity of targets. Phil tries to argue that there are so few targeted because they’re already a minority of the population, Ranboo countering with the bribe thing, Phil retorts about the philanthropy he’s inspired, but finally goes quiet when Ranboo slams down a journal detailing all the records showing how fake and surface level it was. Data Phil didn’t have, or overlooked, maybe purposefully.

Phil: ….. nobody escapes death, mate. Maybe it’s not fair to individuals, but it’s the fairness society needs to persist.

Ranboo: what if it was your family, though? Your friends?

As mocking and humiliated as Phil was by the ‘Techno never dies’ taunt, it’s almost relieving now. Techno lives on in a million stories, all the lives he’s touched. He’s revolutionized the community into something supportive, and that won’t be lost even when his life is.

And then on a hunt, Philza actually manages to hit Techno. He swallows his heart in his throat, realizing he’d relied on Techno never dying than he thought. Techno had already been off his game, he should’ve realized as quiet as the man was.

Philza chases the limping techno through the streets, corralling him somewhere more private so he can save techno, but knows techno just thinks it’s so he won’t be martyred. Phil increasingly screaming with worry in his thoughts but can’t say anything bc monitorization. He approaches Techno slowly like a cornered animal, weapons lowered but prepared for an attack. Techno is nothing like himself when scared, quiet and desperate and blinded with pain to his usual cleverness. Soon enough he’s cornered in a backend with no where to run - or, normally he would, but not with that bloody sizzling mess of his leg.

Philza crouches down, moving slow as he prowls toward his prey. Philza’s wings spread out to block Techno’s escape, or any civilians from seeing what occurs. The cameras too, he prays.

“I’ll make it quick,” he announces while shaking his head silently. The death marked only curls into himself in pain. Was he always this small? Sure Phil knew he was barely of age from the file but prime he was tiny. Philza…didn’t have anywhere he could take techno for help. In the months he’d been chasing the death marked, he’d been increasingly aware of the contrast between Techno’s unending support network and his absolute jack all, but it’s never felt so real realizing he has genuinely no one that can help him with this.

Phil peels off the makeshift scrap armor techno has on his leg, injecting a hyper-adrenal syringe and praying the temp meds help him manage it. He’s trying to use soothing touches but can’t much gauge how it’s working, or if techno is scared of him, if he’s- if he’s still conscious. So gently, Phil peels off Techno’s helmet. He’s…nervous. Phil has to memorize his target’s features through pictures and videos because Angels aren’t meant to get the wrong person. Hell all their weapons are DNA based to ensure it. But he memorizes, he doesn’t get familiar. Cant stomach it. And he’s seen a Lot more of techno than usual, mugshots of his casual smirk, snapshots of him laughing with friends. Phil isn’t ready to see the real Techno, scared and dizzy with blood loss, because it’ll make this seem real. The familiar face pasted over his walls, bone white in death. Because Techno is so painfully familiar, now. Maybe the only person in the whole world that Philza has.

Niki flinches at her name, biting down on a scream. But she hisses out: It's worth it. Every delay on the bounty is another life saved.

Phil: kid kid no hang on, I'll get you to a hospital, pay for it and everything--

Niki: You already planned to destroy my life by killing him. Techno is all I have.

And Phil is suddenly seething. Because it's such a disservice to everything Techno has ever built that it's vile to him, to imply that Niki wouldn't be cared for. That Techno hasn't single handedly built a community that cares in the pit of a gutter. That all his work would've been in vain. That Techno isn't beloved by everyone, including Philza.

Which is about when Techno's steel boot slams into his temple. Philza curls into himself, accepting the exploding pain of Techno stomping his ribs in. No point calling for help, no one would come running. He doesn't deserve it anyway. A befitting end for an Angel of Death. The world slips away into black.

He doesn't expect to wake up. Least of all in Techno's safe house chained up to 11. He's bleary and feels naked without any weapons or armor or gadgets. The world is a weird blur of blotchy pain and bright lights. But as he's catching a sea of angry people he recognizes, the only thing phil can think is. "where are the books"

wh. "technoo lifkes boocs. gets twitchy withoubem."

Then, as his brain cells start connecting one to the next, Philza is terrified for how niki is doing. Relentlessly asks about her condition, starts spitting out what all his medical supplies is and how to use it so she's okay. Which leads to the anarchists having a lot of side eye, since they thought that would only happen with some death threats.

At first the anarchists were wanting. well information, weapons, the look of fear in Phil's eyes as they realize he's at their mercy. Maybe a lil torture for catharsis, since it's not like that gets info. But now they're staring down a pathetic mess and are like. hmmm. okay so this guy is about 5 minutes away from flipping sides maybe we can work with this.

Now techno. Techno techno techno. Quite honestly, philza has made his life a living hell. Of course Techno’s laid back joking attitude meant he could banter back and forth no sweat, but a large part of that was also just plain public image control and trying to make sure his enemies couldn’t tell just how on the back foot he was. Techno had his entire LIFE detonate, has been couch surfing endlessly while scared witless he’d be getting friends hurt for him, hasn’t had a full nights sleep in ages, paranoid out of his head, and just had his little sister shot. So YEAH. Not team Phil that’s for sure!

Niki tho. Well she hates Phil too cause she was also on the run and saw how bad it affected techno. But she also saw how bad Phil reacted when hit, even before he realized it was her.

Tommy tho remembers the way that Phil gave him a bunch of money, and Ranboo thinking about how Phil actually sat through and had a real conversation with them, being kind and polite albeit wrong.

So with some time and a lot of conversations, they eventually convince Phil that Techno's lottery was rigged by the elite. doesn't matter if it's true or not tbh, but it works with Phil trying to frame himself mentally as a good person. So they decide…why not return the favor? Repay a visit to those wealthy who duped Phil in pretending they were a net positive to society.