mostly funny stuff

cats will be like please i need you to watch me wiggle around on this carpet please hey look look please look at me i’m wiggling

CELIBACY

oh my god my two colleagues are hopeless. i sent them to fetch pokemon creatures and they brought back a crummy pail of water

"why was the ending so rushed it was so good up until the ending" the answer is the same every time no matter the media you're talking about: the author is a bee and had to go back to the hive to defend the queen

nodding my head to show that i approve of all the shitty things this character has done because i'm a bad person

For all we know the strong as fuck ice mummy could actually be a tender and gentle lover

when people say "death to america" they mean they want the communist death army to storm every city in america and kill everyone there including babies and old people and animals too and then they are going to take a bunch of bulldozers and dynamite and such and demolish all of the buildings and trees and mountains and everything until the entire country is just a smoldering crater. just wanted to clear that up

stairs are so funny. falling 100 meters will kill you. solution? fall 10 centimeters a thousand times.

they invented all those neat si prefixes and people still talk like this

falling a hectometer will kill you. solution? fall a decimeter a kilotime.

Hey, um, I saw you from across the bar and... well, you probably don't recognize me, but we met at the Siege of Baghdad in 1258. Yeah, you were in the Khan's army and I was manning the walls of the city. You ran me through with a spear. I remember thinking how lovely your eyes were... I mean, obviously you have different eyes now... not that your current eyes aren't pretty! Oh dear, I'm bad at this... um... can I buy you a drink? Please??

my devoted but dangerously unstable knight will be hearing about this