WITHNAIL AND I (1987) SENTENCE STARTERS
feel free to modify pronouns etc. as necessary! content warning for alcohol and drug misuse.
“I’m going for a cup of tea. Do you want one?”
“I must be out of my mind.”
“I have some extremely distressing news.”
“I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to hear anything.”
“My God, it’s a nightmare, let me tell you. It’s a nightmare. We’ve just run out of wine.”
“Oh, God, I don’t feel good. My thumbs have gone weird!”
“My heart’s beating like a fucked clock!”
“I feel dreadful. I feel really dreadful.”
“Sit down, for Christ’s sake. What’s the matter with you?”
“I’m gonna pull your head off.”
“Have you got soup? Why didn’t I get any soup?”
“Why don’t you wash up occasionally like any other human being?”
“How dare you! How dare you call me inhumane!”
“Right, you fucker, I’m gonna do the washing up.”
“You haven’t slept in sixty hours.”
“You don’t understand. I think there may be something living in there.”
“Don’t attempt anything without the gloves.”
“I think we’ve been in here too long.”
“I feel unusual. I think we should go outside.”
“It will get better. It has to.”
“I’ve a fuck sight more talent than half the rubbish that gets on television. Why can’t I get on television?”
“I tell you, I can’t take much more of this.”
“I feel sick as a pike. I’m gonna have to sit down.”
“Apart from a raw potato, that’s the only solid to have passed my lips in the last sixty hours. I must be ill.”
“Even a stopped clock gives the right time twice a day.”
“What we need is harmony, fresh air, stuff like that.”
“Why don’t you ask your father for some money?”
“We’ve got to get some booze. It’s the only solution for this intense cold.”
“Something’s got to be done. We can’t go on like this!”
“Much more of this and I’m going to apply for Meals on Wheels.”
“I must have some booze. I demand to have some booze!”
“I wouldn’t drink that if I was you.”
“You should never mix your drinks.”
“Alright, this is the plan. We’ll get in there and get wrecked, then we’ll eat a pork pie, then we’ll drop a couple of Surmontil-50s each. Means we’ll miss out Monday but come up smiling Tuesday morning.”
“I’m in considerable danger here. I must get out of here at once.”
“We’re in danger. We’ve got to get out.”
“I have a heart condition. If you hit me, it’s murder.”
“Listen, I don’t know what my acquaintance did to upset you, but it’s nothing to do with me. I suggest you both go outside and discuss it sensibly in the street.”
“Speed is like a dozen transatlantic flights without ever getting off the plane.”
“Don’t vent spleen on me!”
“You can have it for nothing.”
“No need to get uptight. I was merely making an observation.”
“I don’t advise a haircut. All hairdressers are in the employment of the government.”
“He’s had more drugs than you’ve had hot dinners.”
“I’m not having this shag-sack insulting me.”
“I feel like a pig shat in my head.”
“There must and shall be aspirin. If I don’t get aspirin I shall die here.”
“We’re gonna have to approach this scientifically.”
“This place is uninhabitable.”
“Mistake, I’m telling you. This was a dreadful mistake.”
“Wake up, you bastard, wake up!”
“I dislike relatives in general, my own in particular.”
“Just you wait. When I strike, they won’t know what hit them.”
“We’ve gone on holiday by mistake.”
“I think you should strangle it instantly, in case it starts to make friends with us.”
“I suppose happiness is relative.”
“Show no fear. Just run at it.”
“Don’t threaten me with a dead fish.”
“This place has become impossible.”
“You’re not leaving me in here alone. Those are the kind of windows faces look in at.”
“In both our interests, I think we should sleep together tonight.”
“You frightened the piss out of me.”
“Move over, I’m getting in.”
“This is my bed, and I demand precedence.”
“What are you doing prowling around in the middle of the fucking night?”
“I want the finest wines available to humanity, and I want them here, and I want them now.”
“I’ll buy this place and fire you immediately.”
“I’m preparing myself to forgive you. I think you’ve been punished enough.”
“You shouldn’t treat each other so badly.”
“You’re incapable of indulging in anything but pleasure.”
“You don’t deserve such loyalty.”
“Come along. I’m going to teach you how to peel a potato.”
“Isn’t it stimulating, getting back to a basic sort of life for a while?”
“There can be no true beauty without decay.”
“You’ve been avoiding my eyes, haven’t you?”
“Couldn’t we allow ourselves just this one moment of indiscretion?”
“He told me you were in purgatory because he couldn’t love you.”
“I deny all accusations.”
“Sorry about that. Got a bit carried away. Sort of said it without thinking.”
“You’ll suffer for this. What you’ve done will have to be paid for.”
“You’re giving me the fear.”
“If you were hanging on to a rising balloon, you’re presented with a difficult decision: let go before it’s too late, or hang on and keep getting higher? Posing the question, how long can you keep a grip on the rope?”
“There’s always time for a drink.”
