𝖓𝖔𝖌𝖎𝖙𝖘𝖚𝖓𝖊

cracks in the armor

just like. emotional prompts, vague and used to express those moments where the muse is breaking down and the filter is gone.

" i screwed up... i-i screw-- i screwed up so bad... "

" i'm sorry! "

" i-i didn't mean for any of this to happen... "

" i can't believe i dragged you into this. "

" it's all true. all the awful things they said about me/you. they're all true... "

" it was me, okay?! i did it! i'm the reason why you're in this mess! "

" you deserve better than this... "

" none of us are getting out of this. are we? "

" i, uh... for the first time in my life, i don't have a plan. "

" i'm scared. "

" i killed him/her/them. "

" goddamnit! don't you ever do that to me again! i was terrified something had happened to you! "

" i... i am begging you... don't do this. "

" i just need someone to hold me. someone to tell me everything's going to be okay... "

" why are you even here?! "

" i break everything i touch! "

" i don't know what i'm doing... "

" you're still here. why? haven't you seen enough to know that's the biggest mistake you'll ever make? "

" i did this... "

" please... please, help me. "

" i... i had nowhere else to go... "

" i don't know how i got here. i don't... i just remember walking. and now i'm here. and you're here... "

" i... i did something really bad... "

" what have you done?! "

" you can tell me to go, i just... i just really need... i don't even KNOW what i need... "

" i'm a bad person. "

words of comfort prompts

all those soft and reassuring vibes we know and love!

" it's going to be okay. "

" i can fix this. "

" come here, i got you. "

" hey... who did this to you? "

" let's get you inside, huh? "

" don't worry. i can handle this. i'll make it right. "

" you're worth so much more than that. "

" oh, honey, you're shaking... let's get you a blanket, yeah? "

" i made some tea. "

" you know, you don't have to tell me anything. you don't owe me an explanation. but if you ever want to talk... i'm here. "

" it wasn't your fault. "

" people are flawed. we make mistakes. and at some point, we're all bound to mess up and be seen as the bad guy. but the important thing to know is that while we make mistakes... we can also learn and improve from them. "

" this wasn't on you. okay? i swear. "

" listen to me. you're not a bad person. anyone says different will have to go through me. "

" i made you some dinner, if you're able for it... "

" here. you're not going anywhere in this state. i made up the spare bed; stay as long as you like. "

" nothing bad is going to happen to you. not if i can help it. "

" you're safe here. "

" i ran you a nice hot bath. that should calm your nerves a little, yeah? "

" would you like a hug? "

" nothing about what you've been through is easy. you don't need to push through anything... just rest. recover. heal. nobody is rushing you. okay? "

" look at me, look! it was a nightmare! not real, okay? you... hey... i've got you. it's alright... "

" i'm not going to let anyone hurt you. "

" here. i had some old clothes in the laundry basket, you can wear them. should be a lot comfier and cozier, yeah? "

" don't worry. i have a plan. "

" i made some cookies, if you want some? fresh out of the oven. "

" let's order in some pizza, huh? "

" listen. i'm with you. all the way. if you want to call the police, i'll dial the number. if you want to stay here, i'll cut you a key. i support you, 100%. "

" oh, love... you made a mistake. that doesn't mean you're stupid. "

" don't worry. i'm fixing this. "

" i got you a blanket. "

acts of kindness.

time to manifest some good, wholesome vibes for 2021! these are set so new mutuals can interact, or established dynamics can continue! as always, multi muses should specify a muse, and these memes can be adjusted to suit the recipient and sender!

" hey! do you need a lift home? "

" i made extras at dinner. figured i'd bring some over to you! "

" i cleared your driveway; the snow was gonna land you in a hospital if you weren't too careful. "

" hey... i saw the way they were treating you... do you want me to have a little talk with them? "

" oh, honey/buddy/kiddo, you're welcome here any time! "

" don't worry about it. what are neighbors for, right? "

" lost your cell phone, huh? happens to the best of us. here, use mine to call a friend. "

" i covered your tab. pay it forward, right? "

" hey! you left your purse on the bus yesterday; i had a day off today so... here you go. "

" here, i got you a blanket... "

" look, i can fix up your car/machine/plumbing, yeah? no cost. i want to help. "

" alex! there you are! long time no see! gimme a hug... listen, i'm really sorry, but some guy's been following you the last block. want me to walk home with you? "

" sorry, the music's so loud! my perfume/cologne? sure! here, let me give you some, we'll smell good together! "

" oh, your mascara is running! here, i got a tissue, let me wipe it up... "

" you want me to take a photo of you? selfies won't do it justice; gotta get the sunset behind you, too. "

" don't be embarrassed. we all get tired; i'm just glad my shoulder was comfortable enough for you! "

" i'm not trying to steal your car; the traffic cops were about to ticket you, so i pretended it was mine. "

" you've had a rough year... consider the month's rent paid. okay? "

" i got you a cup of tea. good for the anxiety! "

" hey, the back of your dress is unzipped. i have a safety pin, i can fix it up if you like? "

" oh, you'll catch your death out here! come on, my car's toasty, we'll wait together. "

" i know we don't know each other, but walking home alone at night is a shitty idea. let me walk with you? "

" i can't believe they just towed your car like that! here. i'll give you a ride. "

“Does that even matter?” Uta asked incredulously. He wasn’t the type for any kind of acknowledgement unless he knew about things’ importance. He was a frustrating type who needed explicit instruction at the best of times. And because of the odd wishy-washy nature of their relationship; still unlabelled but with a fair amount of attention: he didn’t care to pour any effort into it. Uta clutched onto lingering bitterness about the past label of: friends with benefits. And a lingering fury at his own past. 

No mind was paid to Itori when she shot him an awful glance. Nor how angrily she seemed to pour his drink. A still friendly facade rested on his face. 

“What do you want me to do about it? What’s the solution?” Uta asked as he took a sip of the blood wine - it was corked, terrible quality, Itori had chosen it especially for him. Bitch. 

“Do you want an apology?”

Oh. The immediate anger that rose in him at those four words. The hair on the back of his neck stood up. 

No. He needed to stay calm. Or as calm as he possibly could be right now.

He took a deep breath to calm himself and took a huge swig of his drink.

             “No. I don’t want an apology. You wouldn’t             fucking mean it. So what would be the point?             You’d just be saying it to say it. And yes. It             does matter. I got holiday greetings from them.”

Here he gestured to Itori and Renji.

            “Hell, I even got greetings from some of my             Wolves. But you? Nothing. Absolutely fucking             nothing. That’s kind of pathetic, don’t you think?”

His head jerked to the side and he cringed a bit. Damn. There was that damn tic. With that going on, it was going to be harder for him to keep his composure. 

                                   Play it cool, Haku. Don’t lash out.

Uta could tell that there was anger behind the other’s movements. It was a semi-familiar aura. He spotted the look of disappointment on Itori’s face and he already knew that Yomo held a similar look on his face. And he was certain that Haku was furious.

The mask maker knew something had gone wrong. But he almost felt a little bit of satisfaction at the fact that he’d broken the mask that Haku presented to the public - even though the younger ghoul had already shown him many times before. He felt some kind of victory through witnessing it again. 

There was no need for him to worry; or so he thought. But guilt did finally begin to seep into the corners of his brain. The obvious option was to simply be honest. But Uta’s line of thought seemed to miss the signs. 

“You’re pissed off about yesterday, aren’t you?”

        “Oh, really? Gee. Never woulda guessed.”

Of course he was pissed. It was very obvious that he was pissed. He was pissed about a lot of things Uta did, but honestly, this last thing just really took the cake. 

        “I wonder why I’d be fucking pissed at you.         Maybe it’s, oh, I don’t know, you not planning         shit, or saying shit, or saying anything about         the holiday at all. Not even a fucking Merry         Christmas.”

He could tell Itori was giving Uta an ugly look without even looking at her.

        “I mean, I guess it was just fucking stupid of         me to fucking expect anything.”

Honestly, he felt really fucking stupid having hoped Uta would do something. Had had his hopes up, looked forward to something, and then had his hopes dashed.

As the day after Christmas rolled in, Uta felt some sort of relief. He hated the holiday - it’s approach, and as it existed around him and nearby. It fuelled an anxiety just under the surface of his skin, as if he had been set into a freezer for an hour or two, like icy layer oh unease. And now that it had gone past, he tried not to think more about it. 

His intention was to busy himself, and not think about the ‘proper’ couples that would pass by him in the street. It was a matter that he needed clarification on ages ago. To the older ghoul, he did know that Haku liked him. It was obvious, and he’d mention it when he wanted. But the lack of communication on where they stood together; it made his head race in rapid little circles. 

There was no way that they were still only friends but — neither of them had said anything concrete, and Uta knew that Christmas day would have been the perfect day for it. But he’d failed again. The only aspect that hurt him, was knowing that the younger ghoul was just putting up with his bullshit. 

His movements were careful. Not once had he mentioned Christmas to anyone. And he thought of ways to make it up to the other when he stepped into Helter Skelter, only to have his train of thought wholly interrupted by the sight of his… partner?

Itori was already pouring him a drink, and by the time Uta walked in, she quickly pushed it towards Haku. As she greeted Uta, Haku turned his head a bit to look at Uta. All he did was wave towards Uta then took a drink. He could feel that anger he’d come in with start to bubble up again, but chose to ignore it for now.

He sniffed a bit and pulled out his phone, tapping away at the screen with one hand. 

Itori started to go back to what she’d been talking about before, and he half listened. He felt Uta move over and sit down on the other side of him. Haku honestly payed no attention to Uta. He wasn’t in the mood to be that happy version of himself. He felt like he’d throw up if he did.

And then he felt Uta’s arm go around his shoulders. An immediate look of annoyance crossed the younger’s face, and he shrugged off the arm.

No. He wasn’t dealing with Uta’s bullshit. Not right now. He was pissed. At Uta. He didn’t want him touching him.

He noticed the look Itori and Yomo gave each other, but neither said anything, and Haku didn’t either. He simply went back to sipping his drink and tapping at his phone. It was .... just some game to keep his fingers active. He used it a lot when he was trying to sit still. It was something to keep his mind and body occupied whenever he wanted to focus on other things too. He used it a lot when he watched movies and things. It was fairly normal for him.

Christmas Eve seemed to walk through Tokyo with a heavy atmosphere. A sense of foreboding seemed to lay amongst the tinsel and couples, and Uta couldn’t understand why it seemed to carry any meaning. Couple-themed cakes and matching sweaters annoyed him as he made his way back to the studio. It wasn’t as if he had — 

                               He had Haku but – as a friend with benefits – something in the back of his mind screamed that he shouldn’t dare to progress it. Whatever-they-were now was the most comfortable to Uta. And when he caught himself staring at a couple’s pyjama set; he didn’t understand why he felt sad when he tore his eyes away. 

                            Perhaps it was something close to bitterness.

When he awoke the next day, in the early afternoon, his first stretch was paired with an almost sad sigh. There had been a missed chance, but he didn’t want to dwell on it. 

Uta had .... been getting on his nerves for the past month. Little things he’d do, that Haku would mention occasionally, but ... he’d still do them. It got to the point that Haku simply didn’t mention them anymore. He cared a lot for Uta, his little confession in that stupid alley was proof enough, but Uta just. It was like that moment didn’t even happen now. He carried on as if it never happened. At least he wasn’t flirting in front of him anymore, but it still hurt that their relationship just seemed to stagnate. Nothing got fixed, no matter how much the younger said anything, no matter how clingy Haku got. He just continued on.

      And it really pissed him off.

He had hoped that the whole ‘date on Christmas’ thing would happen. He had convinced himself that Uta would want to go out. That it would fix things. That it would make things better. But it never happened. Uta messaged him as normal, but he didn’t invite him over, didn’t act like any sort of plans were thought of. And then he was right back to being pissed off. He’d even lashed out at some of his boys. He convinced himself it was on accident, but everyone knew he was just taking out aggression. 

The next day, he spent the day hunting. He tried to take out his aggression on prey. But that didn’t help either. At least they had enough food to last them a while.

Haku made his way to Helter Skelter later that day. At least he could hang out with Yomo and Itori and he’d feel a little better.

A surprised noise left Uta as he felt kagune drawing him closer to the shorter ghoul. It was oddly calming to have Haku draw him closer. Oddly sweet, as long as he didn’t think of the sheer ease with which his current partner could crush him.

“I said we could do it with them out,” Uta pointed out with a smile as he sunk his lips into a deeper kiss with Haku. He barely moved to make the kiss a little shallower and spoke against his lips, quiet as anything, “But don’t kill me with them just yet.”

His thumbs and palms offered a soft grip around defined neck, a slight pseudo-massage in lieu of the choking that he’d promised. 

         “I don’t wanna kill you. Not yet.”

A slight bit threatening, but he had no intention on killing Uta. He liked Uta far too much for that. He was happy to just kiss him and be with him.

The thought of having sex with his kagune out was ... a slightly concerning idea. Would he be able to control himself with them out? Would he be able to control them? He didn’t want to hurt Uta, so there was that small bit of concern in the back of his head.

Uta was not ready to argue that both parties should be enjoying sexual encounters. Emotionally nor mentally. But it wasn’t something he found to be wholly uncommon.

“That doesn’t sound fair to you.”

Hands still held Haku’s face. He tried to not laugh as his lip was simply licked, it was a sweet precursor to a kiss – if a little odd because of the length of the young man’s prehensile appendage. He failed and his lips gave way to a fit of sudden muffled laughter. 

“From that far away – I’m sorry – I shouldn’t have laughed,” Uta muttered as he pressed their lips together. He didn’t have the heart to admit that it felt very frog like. And without a second thought he pressed their lips together again and shifted his hands downwards to rest just under Haku’s jaw. 

He .... didn’t really appreciate being laughed at and scrunched up his face a bit in annoyance, but he soon forgot his annoyance as their lips pressed together.

He leaned into the kiss, enjoying the feeling of Uta’s lips against his own and that soft breath against him.

It was then, he let his kagune out, it snaking around Uta’s back, tugging him a slightly bit closer.

He then pulled his head back enough to speak, lips brushing lightly against the other’s.

          “Mm. S-sorry. My—back was hurting.”